Now my Relatives!

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Now my Relatives!

If you guys did what you did for your grandparents, it all well.

If you guys did what you did for showing off, its REVENGE TIME!!!

22

Okay, I disagree with almost all the posts here.

Your family and you are pissed because you guys were not in a video and the only scene, in which you are, makes you seem like a pig...right?

None of the posts above will help you to have a better and more honest relationship with your uncle.
**
What will happen is that your uncle will get pissed and hatred will continue. He will do something next time and you will show him your anger and then he will pissed again and then you will take revenge again and then.....the cycle continues.**

I don't mean to belittle your problem or your feelings but the fact that an issue is made out of it and an entire plot to take revenge is being made is absurd and does NOT help anyone.

I would probably tell you to ignore the issue but since you are really intent on expressing yourself then....

.......go straight up to your uncle and his family when everyone is watching the video together or when another video is being made and then say "I hate you guys!!!! you guys didn't record me in the video and you made my mom seem like a pig. Now bec of this everyone will think we are so weird!!! SOO you know what....I'm NOT going to TALK TO YOU!........untiiiiillllll....... you give me a treat....you made me look like a pig....now I'm going to empty your wallet like a pig..."

AND say of all of this in a FRIENDLY, JOKING MANNER!!! The same way you tell your friend that you are pissed at them...this will get the message across to them and at the same time.....a sense of honesty will develop in the family where everyone will be open to each other and say things straight up to each others faces about what they think. There will be no hypocrisy in the relationship which is what constitutes 90% of the relationships among pakis. Everyone has an issue with each other and they all put a fake smile when together. It pisses me off. So....

Treat each other like friends, be blunt, don't hide anything and you guys will then boooonnnnnd. Yaaaaay! :D

23

people have taken out time and effort to give their advice only to have some nut like you come in and say the above nonsense.

even saying that in a "friendly, joking manner" is rude and will make her no different than her uncle.

24

[quote="“Iyla, post:10, topic:223434"”]

people have taken out time and effort to give their advice **only to have some nut like you come in and say the above nonsense. **

even saying that in a “friendly, joking manner” is rude and will make her no different than her uncle.
[/quote]

wth? Nonsense? I don’t think you read my post completely because the point of my post was to develop honesty between the family and no revenge, no retaliation while some people advised on some sort of confrontation. None of the posts would lead to some better understanding between the families. Its the typical way desi families work. Everyone has a huge ego and no one is willing to take the first step.

Okay, I guess the way I started off was a bit rude so apologies for that.

My point was basically…treat your family like your friends and don’t over analyze small issues. Be honest and blatant to them. The problem with our society is that we look at everything from a negative perspective. We tend to make a fuss out of nothing.

And yes i think it will make her different from her uncle.

And if the issue is about being different then the best advice is to simply ignore him and not to retaliate.

Okay I just read your advice to her…you told her to ignore her uncle…well…kudos to you!

I said exaclty the same thing except for the fact that if she really wanted to express herself then do it such a way that does not involve some sort of revenge/retaliation/hurting someone’s ego:

25

Here's my tuppence worth...

what sort of relationship does your Dad have with his brother...is he the elder or the younger...does your aunt think she's the bees knees...if your mum is a good cook or just a favoured bahu,that can cause resentment amongst the bahus.

If you feel comfortable in your Uncle's company,why don't you just say "arre taya/chacha,aapne humari video toh lee nay...hum kaha hai...aap humse naraz teh kiya??"...what can he say?..and next time he takes a video,say very loudly"taya/chacha,idhar se lay.yaha se acha shot hoga".

If you are rude to him,it will only be a negative fall back on your parents.

26

OK, my dad is the elder bro, and my dadda and my chachu dont get along that well, his wife is also a bit of a moody cow....she just sat there the whole time and didnt get involved, neither did he. my dad was the one who suggested the party, and my mum, and its not that my parents are favourties, is more that whatever my dadai dadi say, my parents dont say ufff to them, as we know , you shouldnt say uff to ur parents even if they say anything, so my parents are very respectful and my dada is nearly 90 now, hes losing hhis memory, however he always manages to remember my dad, always, and maybe the other bro resents this, but my chachu doesnt bother to get along better anyway, he just sits there awkardly like he doesnt even know them.

and the whole party him and his wife and kids ( one kids nice, the other is the same as them) just sat there while my mum did ALL the work, the other aunts also took part, but not more than my mum, who i kept saying to ammmi just sit down will u....another time near the end of the party, what do i see my mum doing? WASHING THE DISHES, JEEZ,my mums the eldest bhabi, the others are all younger, yet they sat there, I was furious at this point, ( this is before we saw video ) i said in front of them ` why are you washing the dishes, if you were gna do all the work why didnt we just hold the party in our own damn house, why did we hold it here when u are doing all the work, mum told me to be quiet, i didnt, made sure they all heard.

now once the film was shown later that night, as i was alreayd peeeed off , i did say to my aunt/uncle why didnt u film my mum washing the dishes atleast, that way atleast people in pakistan ( who will watch it) will know kay HUMNE EK NAUKAR RAKI THI who washed the dishes and cut the cake..after all my mum isnt in the rest of the film.

they kept quiet.

27

i understand you're annoyed by what they're doing, but could it be that there is miscommunication on both sides?

i'm wondering if your chacha was in the video? i mean, if he's filming the whole time, isn't he behind the camera and therefore his attendance isn't even noted in the video? also, if he's standing and moving around with the camera then did he ever get the time to sit down with his dad or brother and have dinner and chai, kinda enjoy the party? maybe he felt resentful towards your parents for making him the camera guy for the whole party so he couldn't eat/drink/enjoy as much as the rest of the guests?

maybe they got offended that your mom asked the entire family's ladies to bring one dish but told your chachi to not bother cooking and only bring the video camera? your intentions were nice but chachi could've taken it to mean that her cooking sucks and no one wants to eat her food. lol.

they were probably feeling completely excluded from the party because your chachi didn't cook anything and chacha is behind the camera so it seems like THEY'RE the pigs who just showed up to eat and didn't contribute as much as the older bahu (your mom). think of what people in pakistan will hear: "oh sara's mom cooked this it was sooo yummy and x y z also made delicious dessert but i guess chachi didn't have the time to cook for her parents in law"

28

NOOOO, nothing lik that, we asked them to bring camera, but not to film, they coudlve given camera to anyone, but they didnt, my chachu is in it, quite abit, he gave camera to his 3 daughters from time to time and his wife. they are all in it almost equally.

my mum didnt tell them just bring camera, we asked, simple. everyone was told to make a dish, my chachi said she would make gosht waley chawal, what happened? WELL she made chicken one instead because she was tooillto go out and buy gosht...ok fair enough, but at the same time she let slip that she and her girls had spent the whole day out having fun and eating samosa chaat, my mum said but u said u were too ill to go out and get gosht......she laughed it off and said oh my husband made me or some BS....

I said well gosht zyda expensive hai nathink she minded that. my mum bought the cake and made the most expensive salan..yet these people cut corners everywhere.....thats why im p***sd

29

Re: Now my Relatives!

the reason we asked their camera cos its a brand new HD one, we bought a new camera 2 yrs ago and EVERYONE wanted to borrow it, we let them borrow it and use it, without making a fuss without making sure WE were the only ones using it and hence cutting everyone else out. they didnt even ask anyone else to film it, cos their camera is way toooo precious....

30

I get that you're upset. I understand that you've probably got revenge fantasies playing in your head in technicolor detail with surround sound.

That's human. That's normal.

But whatever you do, don't act on it. Because if your relatives did act with bad intentions, doing something to get back at them makes you no better and has a tendency to backfire. And look at it this way...it's not like people don't notice this stuff. They do. A lot of times, when people pull this crap, they seem to think they're coming up roses because no one is calling them out on their behavior. While it may be true that no one is talking about it (at least not to the offender's face), most people aren't that gullible. They know the score...they just don't say anything. Why do you think your Dada, who is slowly losing his memory, STILL manages to keep YOUR dad in his thoughts and compliment him but NOT his other sons? Very likely because he too has been observing exactly what you have. So trust me...everybody knows what is going on. And karma does exist. What goes around, definitely comes back around, usually with a huge jaw and pointy teeth. Allah SWT doesn't let any of us get away with anything.

Try to put this aside and move on with your life BUT move on in a way that you're smarter about this in the future. Bring your own camera, take your own pictures. And be classy by acting as if you're not at all bothered by any of this juvenile behavior. While you shouldn't let people walk all over you, very often, the reason people pull these childish stunts is to get a reaction...so don't give them the satisfaction. Act as if their efforts aren't impacting your good time in the least. This usually drives them crazy...which is always fun to watch. ;)

31

Re: Now my Relatives!

way too much said and written up there

i wud say it in brief.....

there are times wen we get hurt by our relatives, but one must not act rational and take a knife and start running...

wait for the right time, keep your revenge one side. You will get your corner to score a goal as well TRUST ME

"what goes around, comes around"

or

"history repeats itself"