Not Meant to Be?

[soconfused]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

@MissChievious

Now we're just generalising - yes, there's a fair share of guys who will feel intimidated by a well-educated girl but what about those who demand an equally-qualified prospect i.e. doctors?

TBH, I've met very few guys like that. Or if THEY'RE like that, their families aren't. I was seriously considering a guy that mA had a very good education and his basic criteria for a wife was "someone educated" as he was very into that. Well, things were all fine and dandy until I had a discussion with his mom about how, no, I didn't want to NOT go to med school and instead become a PA/go into hospital management. All of a sudden, this "open minded" , "educated" guy started going on and on about how he didn't want to be so old when we had kids, how I wouldn't be able to be a good wife if I was in medical school, etc. I ultimately ended it because I didn't want to have to choose between my dream and this guy. And this was one of the most educated families I've encountered. In fact, this boys 4 sisters ALL HAD MBAS and worked full time.

Another example: I had this guy that was a dr approach my parents. Once again, he had emphasized how important it was for his wife to be educated but when things seemed to be heading in the right direction, all of a sudden his mom and he did a 180 and started saying they wanted me to stay at home and take care of the house. Med school was too long and I couldn't be a good wife...well, that ended.

@PyariCgudia

Tell that to all the guys and their families who do an abrupt 180 after feedin a girl these lies and say ok well enough studying and working , time to settle down into your housewife roles. I've seen girls frequently threatened with divorce and even kidnapping of their child of they plan on working.

Its really sad.

Yep, I have a feeling that's the direction that 1st guy I mentioned was going in. They were very "supportive" initally but as I became more and more vocal about how my education is non-negotiable and how that's one thing I will not compromise one, they became uninterested and vanished. I was told later by someone that knew them that they had been told by their cousin (the third party involved in the rishta set-up) to just win me over and get a commitment and THEN start mentioning this P.A./hospital management stuff because I'd be more likely to give in at that point. What made it 29382 x scarier is that when they had spoken with my parents they were very pushy about wanting to pay for my med school and were upset that I "didn't trust them" when I said that my grad/professional school plans were my own responsibility and I didn't want anyone else (inc my parents) to pay for them.

Likewise, I know a lot of girls that were told that they'd be able to continue their education/work but were forced to give it up through blackmail, etc.

@ABC1111

Considering that one can get a good job after a 4 years bachelors from a good uni, a guy ends up in job market at the age of 22 and if he opts for a masters, he ends up at the age of 24 or max 25. What more financial stability do you want?

That's true but I don't think that's the major problem. The problem is that yes, a 22-25 yr old guy will be financially stable but from my experience those guys often have a Bachelors degree only and, thus, they/their family don't want a girl that's "too educated" (as in has anything higher than a Bachelor's degree). Our society has really ingrained this "men must have better salaries/education ALWAYS" into the minds of everyone so its assumed that a doctor girl can ONLY marry someone that's a doctor or a lawyer or some successful MBA person. Anything "below" that isn't acceptable. Even IF the girl/her family is okay with it, I"ve noticed that the guy/ his family won't be. What makes it worse is that if you're a female professional then a lot of times the suitors that society has dictated as "equivalent/worthy" will often overlook you because you're a)too old b) not going to be a housewife/give up your job.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

I hear a lot of elder girls and working girls saying they’ve had issues. Where are all these supposed guys who are so willing to marry us?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Not Meant to Be?

@soconfused

TBH, I've met very few guys like that. Or if THEY'RE like that, their families aren't. I was seriously considering a guy that mA had a very good education and his basic criteria for a wife was "someone educated" as he was very into that. Well, things were all fine and dandy until I had a discussion with his mom about how, no, I didn't want to NOT go to med school and instead become a PA/go into hospital management. All of a sudden, this "open minded" , "educated" guy started going on and on about how he didn't want to be so old when we had kids, how I wouldn't be able to be a good wife if I was in medical school, etc. I ultimately ended it because I didn't want to have to choose between my dream and this guy. And this was one of the most educated families I've encountered. In fact, this boys 4 sisters ALL HAD MBAS and worked full time.

Another example: I had this guy that was a dr approach my parents. Once again, he had emphasized how important it was for his wife to be educated but when things seemed to be heading in the right direction, all of a sudden his mom and he did a 180 and started saying they wanted me to stay at home and take care of the house. Med school was too long and I couldn't be a good wife...well, that ended.

** Yep, I have a feeling that's the direction that 1st guy I mentioned was going in. They were very "supportive" initally but as I became more and more vocal about how my education is non-negotiable and how that's one thing I will not compromise one, they became uninterested and vanished. I was told later by someone that knew them that they had been told by their cousin (the third party involved in the rishta set-up) to just win me over and get a commitment and THEN start mentioning this P.A./hospital management stuff because I'd be more likely to give in at that point. What made it 29382 x scarier is that when they had spoken with my parents they were very pushy about wanting to pay for my med school and were upset that I "didn't trust them" when I said that my grad/professional school plans were my own responsibility and I didn't want anyone else (inc my parents) to pay for them. ** Likewise, I know a lot of girls that were told that they'd be able to continue their education/work but were forced to give it up through blackmail, etc.

That's true but I don't think that's the major problem. The problem is that yes, a 22-25 yr old guy will be financially stable but from my experience those guys often have a Bachelors degree only and, thus, they/their family don't want a girl that's "too educated" (as in has anything higher than a Bachelor's degree). Our society has really ingrained this "men must have better salaries/education ALWAYS" into the minds of everyone so its assumed that a doctor girl can ONLY marry someone that's a doctor or a lawyer or some successful MBA person. Anything "below" that isn't acceptable. Even IF the girl/her family is okay with it, I"ve noticed that the guy/ his family won't be. What makes it worse is that if you're a female professional then a lot of times the suitors that society has dictated as "equivalent/worthy" will often overlook you because you're a)too old b) not going to be a housewife/give up your job.

Heinous.