Not being able to make decisions because your MIL has to-does it ever change?

[Captain_Obvious]

Re: Not being able to make decisions because your MIL has to-does it everd change?

@Princess1983

Wives are replacable Ma Mooli; that’s what the Mofti says that they follow. Personally; I feel every Muslim has a personal responsibility to learn about Islam and the responsibilities we all have. I have tried by best with my MIL to the extent of I was aware they didn’t have much property but MashAllah enough for them to raise their children in. I even said I was happy with no property being put in my name as ‘security’ as Allah knows best and I had no plans on screwing them over. But it hasn’t panned out. Not a problem I’m sure Allah has a plan for me and I fit into that better than I do in my MILs ideal world. So showing Hadith will only result in what my MIL told me before; it’s all fabricated. If you don’t listen to your Mother or your husbands Mother then you go to Hell-Simples! You should also divorce on request of your parents. That’s what I have been contending with for 7 years but not anymore. **I know keeping ones in-laws happy is a great achievement however having to listen to how “auntie X’s bahu earns £24,000 a year” and “auntie Z’s bahu had three kids back to back and has bought her nands gold with the tax credit money” is near enough enough for me to apply for a divorce. **

So just say something like “oh that’s really nice” and make yourself oblivious to the implied hint. Or tell her about your friends whose MILs don’t interfere in their lives, don’t demand receipts, let them buy their own stuff, etc. Make a list of this type of thing. When she cites one or two examples, run that list by her. Let it take 30 min or something. She’ll think 10x before telling you anything like that again.

My Mother has developed depression which TBH is connected to the situ. My Mother spoke face to face with her sister about issues and she agreed to dealing with them and then as soon as my Mother left Pak she was back on the PC taking over. I swear Hitler has nothing on some MILs.

Re: MIL and her illness on demand. My other Khalas called this morning and were like “our sister wants the best for everyone” so I told them I wanted the best for my children. If they want the best for their sister they should suggest a better high fibre diet instead of biryani everyday because her son is in the West and they can afford red meat and chicken every bloody day. My Khalas were in shock and spoke to my Mother about my language. Mum told them to get a grip and butt out as it’s too little too late; they’ve been watching their sister become a monster without thinking about the effects on me. I’m hoping that shuts them up for a while. They went off the phone crying.

I know I’m evil, but I actually grinned when I read this. I’d expect it also brought a smile to your mother. Again, I’m not sure about the whole context of this but my assumptions would be you started showing firmness, now she’s throwing tantrums again. She tried to get them to intercede and you stood your ground. The only thing I’d suggest is to be firm but keep it polite, based on the situation.

I was MashAllah earning; I was on good wages too. My husband felt I would be better as a fulltime SAHM as he thought he could afford to look after everyone which he cannot. Once I have baby InshAllah the mission for a new job will start.

I wish you all the best with that.

We’ve had a chat; and basically he’s stormed out. I didn’t shout I spoke calmly about the situ. Maybe he will return and decide to talk like an adult? Or maybe he’s on the phone to his Mother asking for her to fix it. Whichever he chooses I’ve made it clear I am not happy in the situ; it’s unacceptable and the behaviour will not be tolerated towards my children. End of story. As far as I am concerned I have tried my best to fit into the larger family however it hasn’t worked out. I hope my husband completes his duties towards his family and children. As for me well we shall see if he plans to actually stick around.

If anyone out there is contemplating marrying their first cousin and their family is all for it I suggest you don’t do it. Chances are as you are the one who grew up in a culture that is full or prostitutes, gambling, sex on demand, alcohol, pre-marital relations etc etc you will never be taken seriously and expected to be a doormat. My advice? If I had a time machine I would NEVER have married family. I would have happily taken the gamble of finding a partner in the UK I wasn’t related too.

You know, I don’t know what Mufti your people are talking to. I’ve also attended a dars from a Mufti, when he was talking about marital issues, how husband and wife should try to work things out. He said something along the lines of “she’s your wife, you’re the one who’s married to her. You should try to work things out with her yourself instead of going and crying to your mother.”

Anyway, I wish you all the best; may Allah make things easy for you and provide an outcome to this that is beneficial and just for everyone soon..ameen.