One of the husband’s cousins is planning to come to the US to do his MBA. His parents would like him to live with us while he is studying. We told them no, because my husband is travelling quite a bit now, and I am not comfortable having a non-mahrem living in our home, but we would be happy to help him find some nice boys to live with and provide any other service.
The ILs, who are visiting now, have gone pagal, and are telling me that “he is like your husband’s brother”, “you are making us look bad”, and my personal favorite “you have a dirty mind to think something could happen”, etc., etc. Well, I would not allow my husband’s brother to live with us either. How do you handle these situations without offening everyone. I have a teenage daughter as well, and just don’t think it is appropriate to have him living with us, and I am sure that he would be more comfortable living with other guys his age. Anyone been in this situation?
You need to ask your husband to handle this. Explain that it is not the anticipation that something might happen, but the discomfort of another male hanging around the place.
Wow, you should have an Imam speak to them at your local masjid. You have to make them understand that it is not about dirty thoughts etc etc, it's just not permitted, period. Tell them straight up that you're just NOT comfortable having another male around as you would have no privacy and your daughter would not either.
We have discussed all of these issues with them. They are telling us about our Islamic duty to support our relatives and take care of guests, and we are telling them that Islam forbids unrelated men living in the home. I think we are both on completely different pages, and they are more concerned with the cultural and "how it looks" aspect.
FIL doesn't like our local imam. He's Egyptian, and a couple of weeks ago the khutba was about caring for your parents from an Islamic POV versus a cultural POV. That certainly went over well :(
It seems like you need to get your husband to talk to them, be firm in the fact that you just wont be comfortable and besides your teenage daughter also needs some privacy!
Yes, sadly enough, most people back home confuse religion with culture. If all else fails, you may have to involve an Alim or Mufti so that they can understand where you're coming from.
honestly, you should put your foot down if all fails and tell them no, i am not going to allow it. they really cant and should not make you do something which is 1. not permitted and 2. against your wishes.
Doesnt look like they are interesting in any Imams who have different views from them...you husband needs to put his foot down...its your house and you shouldnt feel pressured to do what you dont want to...your husband needs to just be firm...
If your husband is with you , agrees with you than it should not bother you. Yes but keep monitering the situation in case he caves in to Parental pressure.
god im so glad to see that ! atleast sumne here still sticks to the traditions..anyways..best thing is to sit down with ur husband and cum up with sum gud suggestions....as if u try to handle it urself it might get kinckey and ur husband take it in a wrong way..like u dnt wanna help his relatives etc etc....u knw all these house politics...so whtever u do make sure u involve him too
i didnt know dewars were considered to be death :( thats so sad.. my dewars are like 18 and 13.. and they are both soo adorable.. why such strong views on them by the way?
The way it looks from what I've read, it looks like you're already past the not offending anyone stage. You (and your husband) have to just put your foot down and make it clear that what they want is not happening, period. To lessen the blow to them, you could look for other alternatives and present them with some that you've found.
We tried not to offend anyone, then finally put out respective feet down, but it has probably been made more difficult by the fact that they are with us now, and so there is no break from the pressure and headaches. It has turned into something ugly with my husband being accused of hating his family and culture and not caring about their izzat.
Is this a common occurance? I am white and cannot imagine my parents allowing even a cousin to live with us while I was in high school. They were always very protective of me at that age.
Usually my in-laws just ignore what we say and do what they like, so I can completely see the guy just showing up in August expecting to move in.
We tried not to offend anyone, then finally put out respective feet down, but it has probably been made more difficult by the fact that they are with us now, and so there is no break from the pressure and headaches. It has turned into something ugly with my husband being accused of hating his family and culture and not caring about their izzat.
Is this a common occurance? I am white and cannot imagine my parents allowing even a cousin to live with us while I was in high school. They were always very protective of me at that age.
Usually my in-laws just ignore what we say and do what they like, so I can completely see the guy just showing up in August expecting to move in.
I am sure Inshallah you and your husband will prevail . Just start looking for places where he could stay before he lands.