Ladies here who married/seriously dated non-desi guys, what were some cultural/religious differences that came up? And how did you deal with them?
I am considering a white guy. My family is onboard. But I am concerned about potential cultural differences (and how quickly he might want to move certain aspects of the relationship along, which I wouldn’t).
I come from a regular middle class family so of course they have the same concerns I do. But they are open to me getting to know non-desi guys for serious shaadi purposes.
White muslim or non-muslim ? Considering you are muslim too ...
I know couple of desi/white couples ... muslims ... and they are doing pretty good mashaAllah. Other then him trying to learn some Urdu words and getting use to muslim politics in the mosque :D
it's easier to deal with goray in-laws than desi in-laws. our people are too nosy for comfort and har baat meN meem meeKh [keeRe] nikaalte haiN...our people are really status freaks. they want expensive gifts, lavish wedding and blah blah blah.
white people are nicer to their in-laws. they don't ghuseRoo their TaangeN in the middle middle lol. they mind their own business.
dunno much about cultural differences but for a plus.. think of the wedding invites/guests. There'd be far less people to invite to the wedding which means saving money etc as opposed to both sides being Pakistani, for as you know, Pakistanis like to invite everybody and their mums to the wedding whereas white people (assumption) only invite really close family and friends.
If your family is ok with it that's the biggest (by FAR) hurdle out of the way imo
I did it and we honestly haven't run into any major problems since marriage.. If anything we probably have it easier because there's no living with inlaws or power struggle type situations going on lol.. I think in contrast to 'normal' desi marriages ours probably get harder later as our kids grow up and some may want them to be more Islamic or Pakistani whilst others prefer a more Secular or Westernised upbringing.. Having said that though I know a lot of couples who are doing just fine and that's mainly because both partners are on the same page regarding lifestyle and values..
There are niggly things like what to do at Christmas but again if you and hubby are on the same page those can be worked out without much drama..
Nothing wrong with it. The one you marry is going to be your partner in life. While 'white' in laws can be horrible too, some even racist. Yet most of them are less often horrible inlaws than our own Desi people. So I agree with most posts here so far. Have you discussed which parts of your cultures you want in your married life? Do you know most of the differences between your cultures? It helps to understand each other if you talk about these issues and really understand what each of you will have to give up and get used to.
Personally, I've never been in love with Asian males, be it our own desi males or Chinese or Japanese, etc. I've never been attracted to males from Africa either. I wonder why. It's weird considering my ethnicity is Pakistani! Yet, I've always been attracted to Caucasian males. I understand if you want to marry a non-Pakistani.
Ladies here who married/seriously dated non-desi guys, what were some cultural/religious differences that came up? And how did you deal with them?
I am considering a white guy. My family is onboard. But I am concerned about potential cultural differences (and how quickly he might want to move certain aspects of the relationship along, which I wouldn't).
I come from a regular middle class family so of course they have the same concerns I do. But they are open to me getting to know non-desi guys for serious shaadi purposes.
If there is a good muslim brother, why not.
I have an austrian muslim white friend, a revert, married to desi lady. But she did face trouble from his mom, who is still christian. When his mother knew of marriage, she told him, I wish you were never born. (And he is her only child).
Everyone I know is really happy and they have taken their time getting to know each other and talking about their differences and what's important for them. Don't worry about relationship pressures, that's something that can be talked or discussed and if there are problems/issues in that regard, well they are probably not the one. Don't ignore red flags. However, I feel the cultural aspect of this will be the easier part as long as both people are on the same page. Lots of compromise for both parties.
interracial marriages, just like the rest, have their share of problems. They are not a bed of roses, u will need to compromise and there will be noisy/problems with inlaws. Communicate and u shall be ok.
If anything, interracial marriages are even harder to maintain due to cultural differences, different upbringing, and values. Let's not forget making each other's family happy. It's a lot of work.
If anything, interracial marriages are even harder to maintain due to cultural differences, different upbringing, and values. Let's not forget making each other's family happy. It's a lot of work.
A young guy and girl from different ethnicities but born + brought up in the West are still probably going to have a lot more in common than say a girl born and brought up in the UK and a guy born and brought up in Pakistan..
White parents tend to stay back and not interfere very much so it's usually not a case of needing to keep two sets of inlaws happy either.. Aren't they usually fine with their sons dressing up in sherwani on their wedding day, doing the nikah and all that.. Can you imagine our desi parents doing the reverse if their kids were to marry into a different culture, shedding their shalwar khameez and putting on skirts and tops?
Yeah, there are anecdotes of 'his mother stopped speaking to him because he became a Muslim' but the truth is that those of us who are familiar with mixed marriages know this sort of attitude is very rare (I've never personally heard anyone do this.. only people talking about how they heard it from some friend of a friend of a friend lol.. a bit like that thing of 'he/she will go back to being a Christian/take them to Church/make the kids eat pork and so on.. How many people have seen this personally happen?? Obviously it can do but it's hardly common..
I find it's usually the more culturally conservative (obviously) people and those with little or no experience of interracial marriages (ie it's not done in their families) who overstate the 'difficulties' when the truth is a lot of these marriages are thriving and even mosques here in the UK are going as far as to say it's easier to marry someone from the same place even if they have a different ethnic origin than to go 'back home', esp in the case of girls.. Yes, mixed marriages aren't a total bed of roses but they are nowhere near as difficult as some people make out.. You only have to look around at the couples who've actually done it to see that (and there are plenty of examples even here on GS)..
From what I've observed, mixed marriages between two people raised in the same country work out fine if the two parties involved are on the same page. It's when people are not on the same page or go back on what they had previously agreed to that problems arise.
I think it also depends on how closely people follow their own cultural traditions. Someone that is quite involved with their own culture and closely follows their cultural traditions may face more difficulty if they marry someone of a different culture than someone who is not very involved in their own culture.
I wasn't born here. I moved to NA when I was 14. I like things like music and literature of the Pakistani culture, but not a fan of many other limiting practices. So I am hoping that won't be an issue. I don't care of some aspects of the culture (the ones I don't like) aren't a part of my life later on. I would love for my kids to be able to speak Urdu though, but the extent to which I myself communicate in Urdu makes that hope seem unrealistic - unless I make a conscious habit of it and in this case have them mingle with my family A LOT.
Both him and I are very much a part of the multicultural culture that takes over large metropolitan cities. So I am hoping that would mean not too many cultural differences.
A young guy and girl from different ethnicities but born + brought up in the West are still probably going to have a lot more in common than say a girl born and brought up in the UK and a guy born and brought up in Pakistan..
White parents tend to stay back and not interfere very much so it's usually not a case of needing to keep two sets of inlaws happy either.. Aren't they usually fine with their sons dressing up in sherwani on their wedding day, doing the nikah and all that.. Can you imagine our desi parents doing the reverse if their kids were to marry into a different culture, shedding their shalwar khameez and putting on skirts and tops?
Yeah, there are anecdotes of 'his mother stopped speaking to him because he became a Muslim' but the truth is that those of us who are familiar with mixed marriages know this sort of attitude is very rare (I've never personally heard anyone do this.. only people talking about how they heard it from some friend of a friend of a friend lol.. a bit like that thing of 'he/she will go back to being a Christian/take them to Church/make the kids eat pork and so on.. How many people have seen this personally happen?? Obviously it can do but it's hardly common..
I find it's usually the more culturally conservative (obviously) people and those with little or no experience of interracial marriages (ie it's not done in their families) who overstate the 'difficulties' when the truth is a lot of these marriages are thriving and even mosques here in the UK are going as far as to say it's easier to marry someone from the same place even if they have a different ethnic origin than to go 'back home', esp in the case of girls.. Yes, mixed marriages aren't a total bed of roses but they are nowhere near as difficult as some people make out.. You only have to look around at the couples who've actually done it to see that (and there are plenty of examples even here on GS)..
Of course there are successful mixed marriages but only those concerned about different backgrounds would actually post here. I replied keeping that in mind.
I have multiple examples in my own family. Some worked out, some did not. Not all were due to cultural differences but it still played a part.