this is what i keep telling him, he was very beautiful kids actually. He says that his fat wife should take care of the house properly.
His problems are mostly like cloths not ready, breakfast not ready, dinner not ready, guest are not welcomed, his old parents are never given things on time and the list goes on...
Kinda looks odd, considering the maid is available all day long to help things out.
So his major complaints are about food and his parents? That his food isnt ready on time, clothes arent ironed and his parents are not getting enough attention from her?
And he has 3 kids he leaves with her all day long?
And his elderly parents are also her responsibility?
Along with the cooking, cleaning and serving him?
What are the maid's responsibilities? Looking after the kids? Housework? His parents? What does the maid do?
I guess I dont really see the big deal here...if his clothes arent ironed...tell him to iron them himself. Whats so wrong about that? Does he know how to operate a microwave? Why can he not pop a plate in the microwave and warm up his food? She has 3 kids to handle, his parents and the house. She has a maid, yes. However, how much work do you think the maid does? She doesnt do all of it while his wife just sits there stuffing her face and getting fat.
He has to learn how to do his part...it seems like its actually HIM thats lacking and trying to burden his wife with more than she can handle.
Guys take it easy, everyone knows that you just don't go on and start complaining about your personal matters to your friends from day first. think i mentioned that they have trouble with each other from years. I am SURE they would talked to each other about it a lot.
So his major complaints are about food and his parents? That his food isnt ready on time, clothes arent ironed and his parents are not getting enough attention from her?
And he has 3 kids he leaves with her all day long?
And his elderly parents are also her responsibility?
Along with the cooking, cleaning and serving him?
What are the maid's responsibilities? Looking after the kids? Housework? His parents? What does the maid do?
I guess I dont really see the big deal here...if his clothes arent ironed...tell him to iron them himself. Whats so wrong about that? Does he know how to operate a microwave? Why can he not pop a plate in the microwave and warm up his food? She has 3 kids to handle, his parents and the house. She has a maid, yes. However, how much work do you think the maid does? She doesnt do all of it while his wife just sits there stuffing her face and getting fat.
He has to learn how to do his part...it seems like its actually HIM thats lacking and trying to burden his wife with more than she can handle.
I am sorry i do not know what the ground reality is but what he told me is that
the maid is there to do **all **the work of home (i think she is full time).... i am not sure about the kids part though as there was a time when they use to have two maid one full time and one half day, nowadays its just one i think...
Complains with parents is more of misbehave from time to time..
on the other hand i too do not think its all her fault so good advice for anyone is welcomed...
Like I said...I think its actually HIM that isnt living upto his end of the marriage.
Its not possible for a woman to have super powers and cater to her husband, 3 children and his parents and be absolutely perfect at it!
Why can he not help out? Unhoney haaton mein mehndi lagai huwi hai?
hahaha good one, however i think if you work for around 10-12 hours at office its kinda tough to come home and start working there too..... especially if the wife is not working (by working i mean working in any profession) ....
I am sorry i do not know what the ground reality is but what he told me is that
the maid is there to do **all **the work of home (i think she is full time).... i am not sure about the kids part though as there was a time when they use to have two maid one full time and one half day, nowadays its just one i think...
Complains with parents is more of misbehave from time to time..
on the other hand i too do not think its all her fault so good advice for anyone is welcomed...
Okay, thanks for clarifying. I think we need more information here though.
Now, if maid does the housework...like the cleaning and washing and laundry...that still leaves her 3 kids to be tended to, her inlaws and her husband when he comes home from work.
The 3 kids...how old are they? Do you they go to school? Do you think they sleep all day while she watches Star Plus dramas? Men forget that when they leave the house...it doesnt stop moving behind them. No one goes back to bed to wake up around 3pm and lazily make some dinner for hubby, shower and wait while looking pretty.
Her behavior is being reported by her inlaws to husband? Im assuming this misbehavior is a result of not having a supportive or caring husband. Its one thing to be the breadwinner in a family but another entirely to be a caring member of the household.
hahaha good one, however i think if you work for around 10-12 hours at office its kinda tough to come home and start working there too..... especially if the wife is not working (by working i mean working in any profession) ....
Wife isnt working in an office but does that mean she is home watching TV all day? She is working and if she stopped doing her work...that would really mess up your friend's life.
I think the problem here is that your friend doesnt consider her job as important, stressful or taxing as his.
His job is 10-12 hours a day ONLY.
Her's is 24 hours...round the clock and the best part is...she doesnt paid nor does she get overtime.
Okay, thanks for clarifying. I think we need more information here though.
Now, if she does the housework...like the cleaning and washing and laundry...that still leaves her 3 kids to be tended to, her inlaws and her husband when he comes home from work.
i think its more of problem of managing the maid and if she needs more help she could ask him, they had two maids in past i m sure he can provide her with another one...
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The 3 kids...how old are they? Do you they go to school? Do you think they sleep all day while she watches Star Plus dramas? Men forget that when they leave the house...it doesnt stop moving behind them. No one goes back to bed to wake up around 3pm and lazily make some dinner for hubby, shower and wait while looking pretty.
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One is school going the twins are like 10odd months.
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Her behavior is being reported by her inlaws to husband? Im assuming this misbehavior is a result of not having a supportive or caring husband. Its one thing to be the breadwinner in a family but another entirely to be a caring member of the household.
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i do not know the current situation between bhabi and in laws but when things were in court couple of years ago his parents and all ppl around him were suggesting him to save the family for sake of kids...
Wife isnt working in an office but does that mean she is home watching TV all day? She is working and if she stopped doing her work...that would really mess up your friend's life.
I think the problem here is that your friend doesnt consider her job as important, stressful or taxing as his.
His job is 10-12 hours a day ONLY.
Her's is 24 **hours...round the clock and the best part is...she doesnt paid nor does she get overtime.**
He isnt doing his part.
damn i did not know kids do not sleep, good thing you can learn so much from other experiences... don't know much about the paying part :) i think he shares all he has with her 50-50 :D
i think its more of problem of managing the maid and if she needs more help she could ask him, they had two maids in past i m sure he can provide her with another one...
One is school going the twins are like 10odd months.
i do not know the current situation between bhabi and in laws but when things were in court couple of years ago his parents and all ppl around him were suggesting him to save the family for sake of kids...
I think your friend might be thinking its his wife's job to do everything he doesnt have to do. :)
He needs to step up and be a more active member of his household. Ghar aise nahin bante hein ke kaam pe gaye, vapis aye, khana khaya aur bass. Ghar mein kya horaha hai...isse unko koi matlab nahin hai. This is why his marriage is in trouble.
Its not enough to just pay bills and take them shopping...that is the easiest thing in the world to do: to give money instead of love and sukoon. Kitna asaan hota hai kisi ko paisay se khush karna...the hard part is actually caring about them.
Im sorry but him blaming his wife for not managing the maid properly or misbehaving with his parents or not giving him food on time or not ironing his clothes...are not grounds for a divorce. These are petty issues he is using to cover up bigger problems. He isnt attracted to her and doesnt like her anymore. He doesnt care about her.
One is school going the twins are like 10odd months.
u said it all by ur self....twins 10 months old....do u think its easy to manage them???n look at the guy's complaints....begum twins ko sambhalay ya kapray istari karay ya parents ko tyme pe khana dai....come on....he should compromise over some stuff too...trust me ppl at old become kids as well.....they start feeling things more than what actually is....maybe the parents demand more???he should get some one to look after the parents full time....man its not easy to manage a home with three kids (two twins), parents and hubby.....the husband should be more flexible in his behavior and dealing....n fat wife....the dude has no respect at all for his wife...she has given birth to twins who are not even an yr old and look at him saying her fat....what he wants???he wants her to become aishwarya overnight????n if he had felt things werent working WHY they went for more babies????now if ur friend leaves his wife now....he would find some partner for himself (men do....a dilemma but true) but what about his wife???do u think any one would marry a woman with three kids???i think if he should work on saving his married life....if her wife feels that she cannot take care of his parents for the time being...then either find an extra maid or if he has other siblings then any one of them can take care of them for sometime until things get better!!!
Saving his marriage *must * be his first priority!!!!
My own uncle has three kids and was undergoing the same circumstances...although we have seen her wife misbehaving with everyone....giving a damn about their age or relation....she has literally verbally abused his brothers and relatives....but just for the sake of kids...he is still tolerating her and has made her contacts less with his relatives because wife is not ready to compromise and they have three kids...two daughters and a son...so sometimes u have to choose and compromise over things when the other party is stubborn to save ur marriage....rest it depends whats going on in his mind!
I think your friend might be thinking its his wife's job to do everything he doesnt have to do. :)
He needs to step up and be a more active member of his household. Ghar aise nahin bante hein ke kaam pe gaye, vapis aye, khana khaya aur bass. Ghar mein kya horaha hai...isse unko koi matlab nahin hai. This is why his marriage is in trouble.
Its not enough to just pay bills and take them shopping...that is the easiest thing in the world to do: to give money instead of love and sukoon. Kitna asaan hota hai kisi ko paisay se khush karna...the hard part is actually caring about them.
Im sorry but him blaming his wife for not managing the maid properly or misbehaving with his parents or not giving him food on time or not ironing his clothes...are not grounds for a divorce. These are petty issues he is using to cover up bigger problems. He isnt attracted to her and doesnt like her anymore. He doesnt care about her.
sure they are not grounds but like one of the lady here mentioned her example earlier about taking the grip of things and deciding to do it right.. and in this case what seems is that both are in mode where they do not want to do it. so blaming just one might not be fair.
About attraction and all that i think that i have given an example of **another **friend who switches wife faster than i switch my rides :D I do not think its entirely the case here. Above all he loves his kids just like a "normal" person. Keeps them with him where ever he goes... though they wont go for divorce its just that things don't seems to get normal between them.
u said it all by ur self....twins 10 months old....do u think its easy to manage them???n look at the guy's complaints....begum twins ko sambhalay ya kapray istari karay ya parents ko tyme pe khana dai....come on....he should compromise over some stuff too...trust me ppl at old become kids as well.....they start feeling things more than what actually is....maybe the parents demand more???he should get some one to look after the parents full time....man its not easy to manage a home with three kids (two twins), parents and hubby.....the husband should be more flexible in his behavior and dealing....n fat wife....the dude has no respect at all for his wife...she has given birth to twins who are not even an yr old and look at him saying her fat....what he wants???he wants her to become aishwarya overnight????n if he had felt things werent working WHY they went for more babies????now if ur friend leaves his wife now....he would find some partner for himself (men do....a dilemma but true) but what about his wife???do u think any one would marry a woman with three kids???i think if he should work on saving his married life....if her wife feels that she cannot take care of his parents for the time being...then either find an extra maid or if he has other siblings then any one of them can take care of them for sometime until things get better!!!
Saving his marriage *must * be his first priority!!!!
My own uncle has three kids and was undergoing the same circumstances...although we have seen her wife misbehaving with everyone....giving a damn about their age or relation....she has literally verbally abused his brothers and relatives....but just for the sake of kids...he is still tolerating her and has made her contacts less with his relatives because wife is not ready to compromise and they have three kids...two daughters and a son...so sometimes u have to choose and compromise over things when the other party is stubborn to save ur marriage....rest it depends whats going on in his mind!
Like i said earlier he loves the kids so as far as i know he wont call it a day in his right mind. but do you think that the example that you have given is the way to go about life? I mean shouldn't she be compromising a bit too? after all, its her kids too...
I know your uncle has done just the right thing by giving priority to his kids happiness over his own and i feel this might be the way his life go on.
Every marriage is different. Please dont look at someone else’s as an example because that is poison for a relationship.
Im not talking about him caring about his kids…Im talking about his wife. She needs love too…she is a partner in this marriage…a person…an insaan…and human beings need affection. Its natural. Why do men think caring about the kids is the same as caring about wife? That makes no sense.
Im not blaming your friend but I will say that he is in for a very looooooooong and unhappy life unless he decides to mend things with her and actually treat her like a woman…not just mother of his children…not just a bahu…not just a wife…like a woman.
Im sure she had lots of expectations of your friend when she married him…every girl does…and Im sure he has disappointed her also in some ways.
So, tell him to add some love and care…money and shopping is a poor and pathetic substitute for love.
There is no light at the end of tunnel.
Kids who are raised in a dysfunctional family will be losers and will not grow up to be mentally and emotionally stable adults . If marriage counseling , behavior counseling , psychologists and psychiatrists have been tried to put this dysfunctional family on track . It is time to break it for the well being of the kids.
From inside of me I feel that this guy is cheating on his wife and looking for an excuse to divorce her or marry some other woman while keeping this marriage too. I do not believe that someone who is so productive member of society will be so dumb that he cannot solve the issues at home. If he is so successful outside his home why can't he use the same skills to make sure that his family life is also peaceful and free of any issues. why can't he be so successful at home ? what is stopping him ?
That makes no sense.
