I am new to GS and this is my first topic. Let’s see what type of expert opinion I get here.
An old friend of mine is going through a trouble marriage. Whenever we meet, he always talks about how miserable his life has become, and how his wife is not taking any responsibly of the day to day things.
He thinks he has tried everything he could to maker her understand that everyone
has to do their part to get life going.
He wants to break the relation but having 3 kids makes it almost impossible.
Their fights have been going on for 5 out of 6 years of marriage.
My friend is middle class man and has a maid to help her wife out to do most of the work at home. He says that its just the cooking and management of the maid that she needs to do and she always forgets this and that and always uses"one job one execuse" formula.
Things between the families are not going well either, he does not talk to his inlaws because of some bad history (there have been fights police and court and all that)
All n all it has been very messy past since they got married. The behaviour with in-laws has been very bad from both sides.
My friend is also not the most cool minded person you would come across :-).
I always try to tell him how bad it would be for the kids if he breaks the relation.
I’d like to know what you guys think is the best way out.
If you have questions i’d answers them from time to time.
if one say the lady does not fulfill her duties as a mother and wife then the husband definitely is lacking something here.... the story is totally incomplete. Both partners have to work together for a relation to work
my hubby has to be the worst case of short temper in this world but like i have said in my previous postings.... aik lerki ghar bana bhi sakti hai aur barbaad bhi. So hence I myself have taken the initiative to get my family on track
Come to think of it, if your frnd is short tempered and wife then unfortunately this relation cannot get along for a longer period
this is what i keep telling him, he was very beautiful kids actually. He says that his fat wife should take care of the house properly.
His problems are mostly like cloths not ready, breakfast not ready, dinner not ready, guest are not welcomed, his old parents are never given things on time and the list goes on...
Kinda looks odd, considering the maid is available all day long to help things out.
if one say the lady does not fulfill her duties as a mother and wife then the husband definitely is lacking something here.... the story is totally incomplete. Both partners have to work together for a relation to work
my hubby has to be the worst case of short temper in this world but like i have said in my previous postings.... aik lerki ghar bana bhi sakti hai aur barbaad bhi. So hence I myself have taken the initiative to get my family on track
Come to think of it, if your frnd is short tempered and wife then unfortunately this relation cannot get along for a longer period
one has to compromise
Appreciate your reply, I do not live with him so all i can tell is what he tells me, he says that he spends hefty amount each month to provide all he can and that too on time, he takes them out for shopping, trips etc, and as a result every other day he feels that his wife is not putting the same effort.
My experience based on the encounters with his family is that his wife is not short tempered, so I feel it a bit strange that why would a women of her type not take responsibility specially if the future of her kids is at stake....
I think there is a whole another side to this story so instead of complaining to you about his marital issues he should probably go to marriage counseling.
There only problem is lack of communication, and I think counseling will have a major effect.
And if this is really how she is then he needs to hire a better maid and direct his life towards his children.
you might be right he sure does not like her being overweight. But if he really wanted to get out of marriage he could have done that a long time ago when they only had one kid (I mention that police/court thing in the title post). Things were really on the verge of divorce back then but he kept saying that they would find other partners but the kid would suffer the most....
I think there is a whole another side to this story so instead of complaining to you about his marital issues he should probably go to marriage counseling.
There only problem is lack of communication, and I think counseling will have a major effect.
And if this is really how she is then he needs to hire a better maid and direct his life towards his children.
talking to close family member/friends is usually the counseling we get in PK. I am not aware of any professional institutes here. If there is any in ISB i'd like to know for sure.
I don't actually know the other side of story, all i know is that he think is that the normal things that every wife would do are overlooked at his home repeatability and that makes him loose his temper and then they fight and fight and fight.
Oh yes they have changed maids due to one reason or another. Maids are not usually permanent here they come and go fast.
Imtiz man all I can tell you is that more than the maid or any other thing he is doing for her his wife needs his attention and respect. Trust me these monetary things don't mean much in the long run. Tell the guy to take try to make an effort to be better to his wife by doing small little things like take her out for dinner once in a week and or get her flowers or something on the way back from work. Keep this going on for a couple of weeks and she will notice and probably ask him why the sudden change and he can just tell her that he didn't think he was apprieicating enoguh and now he wants to ... and after a couple of weeks he can ask for small little things like before going to work that oh i'm gonna be back early and i feel like eating this can you please make it for me and trust me she will.
The problem with these kind of issues is that no one wants to take the first step because they thing they have nto done anything wrong to actually make an effort to make things right. Someone has to do it so why not your friend.
Imtiz man all I can tell you is that more than the maid or any other thing he is doing for her his wife needs his attention and respect. Trust me these monetary things don't mean much in the long run. Tell the guy to take try to make an effort to be better to his wife by doing small little things like take her out for dinner once in a week and or get her flowers or something on the way back from work. Keep this going on for a couple of weeks and she will notice and probably ask him why the sudden change and he can just tell her that he didn't think he was apprieicating enoguh and now he wants to ... and after a couple of weeks he can ask for small little things like before going to work that oh i'm gonna be back early and i feel like eating this can you please make it for me and trust me she will.
The problem with these kind of issues is that no one wants to take the first step because they thing they have nto done anything wrong to actually make an effort to make things right. Someone has to do it so why not your friend.
+1
Think you are spot on with that, right now it seems that they are stuck in that mode where they do not want to do that extra **bit **to improve things...
does the wife work? if yes, he shoudln't be expecting everything like
[quote]
cloths not ready, breakfast not ready, dinner not ready, guest are not welcomed, his old parents are never given things on time and the list goes on...
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If she doesn't work then they need to talk about setting the priorities right.. if she has young kids at home, she is probably too busy with them to take care of anything else..
re: teh weight.. he needs to motivate her to exercise or probably they should all go out for a walk in the evening.. bonding and losing some extra pounds, all together!
In short, he needs to talk to his wife instead of complaining to his friends!!!
If he was man enouh to have THREE kids with her , he should be man enough to shut up complaining about his wife to his friends and handle the situation himself.
you are right that I should but its like whenever we meet he looks more dull and worried, I don't go to him and ask, he feels like he needs some help/advice.....
