When I was in my early teens I thought that like the girls in Khawateen digest I would also get married at 18, have my kids at 20 and have a total of 4-5 kids.
Turns out in real life I got married when I was 27, had my first at 29 and now 4 seems like such a huge number not only because of the whole pregnancy thing but also seeing what goes into raising kids and making sure we are raising them right. I say we but to be honest I feel mother does most of it. Yes, some dads are very involved but with full time jobs (and sometimes demanding jobs) it is hard for them to be aware of every little detail.
What made you decide at what kid you would call it quits, for those of you who stopped at 2 and have 2 daughters or 2 sons does it bother you that you don’t have a son or a daughter ??
Did your partner agree with you on the number of kids to have, what were your deciding factors and mothers did you feel guilty at not having more (since a lot of ppl like to keep saying Nabi (sallahu alaiwassalam ) kee ummat ko barhana chahiye) How did you answer such ppl?
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What made you decide at what kid you would call it quits, for those of you who stopped at 2 and have 2 daughters or 2 sons does it bother you that you don't have a son or a daughter ??
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It doesn't bother me at all that I have 2 daughters. I think if I have more kids right now I may not be able to do them justice in terms of their taleem and tarbiyat.
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Did your partner agree with you on the number of kids to have, what were your deciding factors and mothers did you feel guilty at not having more (since a lot of ppl like to keep saying Nabi (sallahu alaiwassalam ) kee ummat ko barhana chahiye) How did you answer such ppl?
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Hubby wants more kids. I do too but not at a cost of less time for each kid. There is other ways to be involved and make a difference in kid's lives rather than having kids of your own.
I think people misinterpret what Nabi (SWT) said. I am sure he wanted a quality of piousness and integrity in his ummat and not large quantity of jahil misguided people with little values.
If one has intention is to make a difference in ummat why not take a make a difference in the ummat that is present today. Fund a child's education, teach a child to read Quran, help so many needy muslim children that are dying of disease and hunger.
I love your answer NJ.... how do you answer ppl who constantly feel the need to comment to you about having more kids. Do you flat out tell them I don't want anymore, or the shortage of time and so on. OR do you just keep quiet and say if Allah wants I will have more.
I knew a lady who had 3 kids herself (2 boys 1 girl) and she was telling another mutual friend (3 girls) come on buckle up and have another one while both of them are done having kids. Drove me mad but I kept quiet, 3 girls aren't good enough so keep on having kids till you have a boy... while for you it is enough coz you have boys and a girl.
No one says this to women who have 2 boys to have more kids, in our culture it is just women with 2 or more girls who ppl insist on having more kids.
I love your answer NJ.... how do you answer ppl who constantly feel the need to comment to you about having more kids. Do you flat out tell them I don't want anymore, or the shortage of time and so on. OR do you just keep quiet and say if Allah wants I will have more.
I knew a lady who had 3 kids herself (2 boys 1 girl) and she was telling another mutual friend (3 girls) come on buckle up and have another one while both of them are done having kids. Drove me mad but I kept quiet, 3 girls aren't good enough so keep on having kids till you have a boy... while for you it is enough coz you have boys and a girl.
No one says this to women who have 2 boys to have more kids, in our culture it is just women with 2 or more girls who ppl insist on having more kids.
Oh boy, I so agree!!
I hear it with one ear and it goes out with the other. I try not to take them seriously.
I have 3 girls and I am struggling to give the quality of time to each. I just hired a maid to come weekly so that I have more time for them and myself.
For me I allways wanted 2, we have 3 mA so its s plus plus, we are happy AH.
For me it bas as said I will not do justice to my other girls if I go ahead and have more.
^ Exactly SaadiaB and I have seen a woman who had 4 girls coz she just wanted a boy and now she doesn't have time / inclination to do justice to her girls. It makes me mad and sad at the same time.
It is like women feel having a son will somehow miraculously solve all their probs.
i think if people are shameless/rude enough to ask you about your family planning and personal issues like whether you are having more children/trying for a boy, they deserve an equally rude answer, i.e. flat out, straight up "our family planning is really none of your business" and then change the topic. people like that piss me off.
No one says this to women who have 2 boys to have more kids, in our culture it is just women with 2 or more girls who ppl insist on having more kids.
Maybe this should be a seperate thread but do those with sons actually have it easier in that regard ???? that nobody bothers them about having more kids or that they should have a son??
I have 3 boys, you'd think all the desi aunties would give me a medal or standing ovation or something, but nooooo.... All I hear is "hai...aik to beti honay chaiyay thi...tumhare dil nahi karta aik aur bachay ke liye???" WTF....insaan kissay haalaat may khush nahin rehsaktha!!
Hmmph...4 miscarriages & 2 rounds of IVF later, I'm freaking lucky that I even have kids...people need to mind there own damn business!!!
Yeah I know right… lol …it is one thing if the mother is yearning for another kid but others start pitying her.
I have a friend who has 2 girls and of all the ppl the one person who is constantly on her back and praying for her to have a son is her own mother. Allah hidayat dey.
^ To be honest I have only come across women who have daughters being given the suggestion to have one more, and then the duaa Allah beta dey. And what is shocking is when these 'aunty' women are of my own age or younger. Jeez ppl this woman has healthy kids, thye are smart, and lovely. Let the woman be. Say Alhamdulillah and move on.
Really?? Good lord, I have people (family members & friends) tell me all the time how I should "try again for a girl this time"....not gonna happen folks, keep moving...nothing to see here
When I was pregnant with my twins, my sonographer was so upset when she was telling us the sex of the babies..lol… She was like "Baby A is definitely a boy..see…there’s his little wee-wee…and here we have Baby B…and…and…dead silence!!! So I start freaking out…and she’s like…“nooooo, everything is fine, you’re having twin boys I just so wanted for it to be a little girl for you!!” omg…:
Personally I always wanted three kids but with my first pregnancy I think I m happy and content with one but may try for another one in a few years! My sister has four boys and the fourth was just a farmaish from both my parents n her in laws hoping it will be a girl but nopse a boy it is! I couldn't believe my sister was having a kid just to please everyone!but yeah pressure was on her!
When I told my khala that Ill b havng a girl she said "aww hae donon itne chote ho beta hota to bhtr tha smbhalna b asan hota"
N y is a baby boy easier to handle?
Its not abt how many boys/girls u hv ppl just makeup stupid excuses just to piss u off..like khatichic said she has boys still ppl bother her..
After me and my younger brother my parents decided to stop but ppl would still bothr them k inka ek behan ya bhai or hona chaiye do kafi nhi blabla..:/
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I love your answer NJ.... how do you answer ppl who constantly feel the need to comment to you about having more kids. Do you flat out tell them I don't want anymore, or the shortage of time and so on. OR do you just keep quiet and say if Allah wants I will have more.
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I get pressure. I even get pressure from myself but I have honestly told people that 2 biological children are enough for me. People are always going to "say" something. The question is if you are going to let them get the better of you.
I've too and I always say I am done.. and make myself believe it... ahhh but this baby fever.. it gets me every 6 months. I'm waiting till my daughter is 5 and then decide if I want a 3rd baby or not.
I have a boy and a girl and If we ever do decide to have a 3rd child, I'd be happy with either, but would prefer a girl. Just because I'd like my daughter to have a sister :)
