Re: No communication until offical
Right....you were referring to sexting and how it happens when two people are trying to get to know each other. In this thread, a girl, who I assume is desi and Muslim, told you that she doesn't want to communicate until things are official between the two of you. You really were left wondering why? You really had no clue what her concern might be?
I doubt her concerns are one of "Sexting" and that too from me. I am not some "Lafanga" who's going to start sexting willy nilly. To be able to sext someone takes a long amount of time. You have to get to know someone, open up and then that happens. You can't just start sexting right away. And besides I will never sext someone with family is involved. You have to have an intimate knowledge of the person to do that. The only reason why I wanted to talk to her is so that I can get to know her a bit more. This is purely platonic until nikkah and or rukhsati.
Re: No communication until offical
How can you like someone without talking to them lol and where does it say you shouldn't be talking?
Please, if anyone is rishta hunting, demand to talk and meet with the person (in a public place to not make it awkward) before you agree to the nikah. Nothing wrong or right about it. You are the one who has to spend your life with that person, not your khala/chacha/phupo
Exactly, THANK YOU! Paheli00 take note!
Re: No communication until offical
Then the simple answer is that she's not the girl for you.
Re: No communication until offical
Exactly, THANK YOU! Paheli00 take note!
In your initial post, you specifically mentioned getting to know this through private 1-1 text messages and the girl is uncomfortable with that. This is completely different from what the other poster mentioned which is meeting someone in person and talking to them in a public setting.
BTW, how exactly did you meet this girl and how did you get her number?
Re: No communication until offical
Then the simple answer is that she's not the girl for you.
Reading the various threads here, for some reason, it seems that men and women today can't or won't accept this simple conclusion. Instead, they continue to pursue something and try to get the other person to "compromise" on something even when the other person makes it clear that they're uncomfortable with it.
Re: No communication until offical
Reading the various threads here, for some reason, it seems that men and women today can't or won't accept this simple conclusion. Instead, they continue to pursue something and try to get the other person to "compromise" on something even when the other person makes it clear that they're uncomfortable with it.
I agree, I don't mean to say you should be forcing the other person to meet with you. You should still be straightforward about your certain expectations you can't compromise on right from the first meeting, so there is no time wasted if you guys aren't compatible. If this is something you are not okay with, leave the girl alone and don't waste her time. Find someone else for you.
Re: No communication until offical
I agree, I don't mean to say you should be forcing the other person to meet with you. You should still be straightforward about your certain expectations you can't compromise on right from the first meeting, so there is no time wasted if you guys aren't compatible. If this is something you are not okay with, leave the girl alone and don't waste her time. Find someone else for you.
I would disagree. This isn't Landa Bazaar, you can't play "I'll shop for a spouse" with people! This is the most disgusting idea, if parents have introduced someone to you for shaadi then you have to give that person a proper chance. Unless they're absolutely bat s&%* insane then you can move ahead with someone else but not continuing forward because the girl refuses to give the number until mangni is silly. The more she'll push the more intriguing she becomes!
Re: No communication until offical
In your initial post, you specifically mentioned getting to know this through private 1-1 text messages and the girl is uncomfortable with that. This is completely different from what the other poster mentioned which is meeting someone in person and talking to them in a public setting.
BTW, how exactly did you meet this girl and how did you get her number?
Meeting/texting. I've done both with this girl. We've met 3 times now (Dates) and talked on and off throughout 2015 but then she squashed the entire thing stating "Get it official" or else I'm not talking. And her mom gave me her # when ristha talks began.
Re: No communication until offical
I would disagree. This isn't Landa Bazaar, you can't play "I'll shop for a spouse" with people! This is the most disgusting idea, if parents have introduced someone to you for shaadi then you have to give that person a proper chance. Unless they're absolutely bat s&%* insane then you can move ahead with someone else but not continuing forward because the girl refuses to give the number until mangni is silly. The more she'll push the more intriguing she becomes!
I am actually suggesting the opposite. There are certain things people can't compromise on, better to make it clear from the start. If this is something that matters to you, better to stop it right now. For example, I can't live with a person who is ultra-conservative, I made that clear before going ahead with the rishta process. Luckily, the first rishta that I met, I ended up marrying him.
I have come across ladies who don't like to step out of their house, would you be okay spending your life with someone like that? I know I am taking it to an extreme level, but there are certain things we all look for in a partner.
Re: No communication until offical
Meeting/texting. I've done both with this girl. We've met 3 times now (Dates) and talked on and off throughout 2015 but then she squashed the entire thing stating "Get it official" or else I'm not talking. And her mom gave me her # when ristha talks began.
Mmmm...than you should be making it official than?
If you've already met her 3x and have been continuing texting her trough out all that time, (throughout 2015) as you are saying than she probably feels your dragging her along and won't propose. Honestly, it really doesnt take long to figure out the important things. After some point you have to go with your gut and just get engaged. If there is something that's worrying you in the back of your mind, than call it off/stop talking to her.
Re: No communication until offical
This is basically like the "withholding sex" game but the halal version. Withholding what you want (communication) to get what she wants (commitment)
If you like her enough to get married then proceed to talk to her mom.
If you like her enough to get married, then cease communication.
Simple.
Re: No communication until offical
Meeting/texting. I've done both with this girl. We've met 3 times now (Dates) and talked on and off throughout 2015 but then she squashed the entire thing stating "Get it official" or else I'm not talking. And her mom gave me her # when ristha talks began.
If you've had 3 in-person "dates" with her and you've already talked/texted with her on/off for almost 1 YEAR....LOL....how much longer do you need to make up your mind? What exactly do you still need to know about the girl after all this time in order to see if you want to marry her?
You're right. She's not worried about sexting. She thinks you're not serious about marriage and you're wasting her time/stringing her along. And based on the part in red, I don't think anyone here can blame the girl for feeling that way.
Re: No communication until offical
If you've had 3 in-person "dates" with her and you've already talked/texted with her on/off for almost 1 YEAR....LOL....how much longer do you need to make up your mind? What exactly do you still need to know about the girl after all this time in order to see if you want to marry her?
You're right. She's not worried about sexting. She thinks you're not serious about marriage and you're wasting her time/stringing her along. And based on the part in red, I don't think anyone here can blame the girl for feeling that way.
Woah there buddy, Jumping to conclusions much. The reason why there was a hiatus was because she squashed the whole thing for like 8 months in 2015 because she was "Busy" studying" we've only started rishta talks once again in 2016. So she disappears for a whole year, comes back and then gives me ultimatums "Official or nothing" and I'm sitting here thinking "you've been gone a whole year" give me some time to get to know you.
Re: No communication until offical
Woah there buddy, Jumping to conclusions much. The reason why there was a hiatus was because she squashed the whole thing for like 8 months in 2015 because she was "Busy" studying" we've only started rishta talks once again in 2016. So she disappears for a whole year, comes back and then gives me ultimatums "Official or nothing" and I'm sitting here thinking "you've been gone a whole year" give me some time to get to know you.
Dude....you met with this in-person, alone on 3 different times (referring to the 3 "dates). That's a lot more than what many people get in a arranged marriage situation! You were in contact with her through texts or whatever for at least a few months before she ended it for studying or whatever.............BUT the point still is that you had plenty of time to find out whether you two are compatible. So I will ask again.........what exactly did you not find out about the girl during those 3 dates and during the few weeks/months when she did have contact with you? Just how much more time and information do you need?
Re: No communication until offical
A girl should not even talk to a boy before marriage if he or she likes each other then they should tell their parents about it. This is the right way !!
My dear, are you a parent? Or are you an educated unmarried girl? If you are the latter, I'm scared for even this generation to turn out just like the last one :/
To OP, maybe she's not into you? I'm a girl, if I liked a guy enough, I would at least be talking to him via text, its completely normal. Similarly, if I didn't like the guy I would make excuses and say I don't think we should talk.. blah blah..
Do you get a feeling she likes you? And is marriage definitely going to happen or its kacha pakka muamla?
Re: No communication until offical
Dude....you met with this in-person, alone on 3 different times (referring to the 3 "dates). That's a lot more than what many people get in a arranged marriage situation! You were in contact with her through texts or whatever for at least a few months before she ended it for studying or whatever.............BUT the point still is that you had plenty of time to find out whether you two are compatible. So I will ask again.........what exactly did you not find out about the girl during those 3 dates and during the few weeks/months when she did have contact with you? Just how much more time and information do you need?
Nothing! I found out absolutely nothing! Because when she texted we hardly had full on conversations, btw we never spoke on the phone. Because she wasn't comfortable with speaking on the phone. The texts were "Oh hey morning" Then 5 hours later "Whats up?" and then 3 days later she would reply "Oh sorry I was busy" this went on until she squashed the whole thing for "Studies".
Then when I did meet her she was quiet and looked at her phone most of the time. Mind you first time I met her with her parents and everyone in the room which was for like 10 minutes. The two other times might have been for 30 odd minutes. So to answer your question, I did not find anything that I want to find out. So yeah...
Re: No communication until offical
Nothing! I found out absolutely nothing! Because when she texted we hardly had full on conversations, btw we never spoke on the phone. Because she wasn't comfortable with speaking on the phone. The texts were "Oh hey morning" Then 5 hours later "Whats up?" and then 3 days later she would reply "Oh sorry I was busy" this went on until she squashed the whole thing for "Studies".
Then when I did meet her she was quiet and looked at her phone most of the time.
Well then looks like she's not into you. And if her parents found her for you, then it could be that she doesn't want to come right out and say directly that she's not into you. But going by her behavior....I'd say you should take the hint and move on.
Re: No communication until offical
My dear, are you a parent? Or are you an educated unmarried girl? If you are the latter, I'm scared for even this generation to turn out just like the last one :/
To OP, maybe she's not into you? I'm a girl, if I liked a guy enough, I would at least be talking to him via text, its completely normal. Similarly, if I didn't like the guy I would make excuses and say I don't think we should talk.. blah blah..
Do you get a feeling she likes you? And is marriage definitely going to happen or its kacha pakka muamla?
Golgappay sister, thanks for answer the question in a positive manner unlike some riddles. But I digress, yes I get the feeling that she's not properly ready for marriage, nor do I think that she's mature enough for marriage. Because I've seen my friends get "Rishta talks" with girls and the girls do speak with the guy regularly even date regularly. They even get in full on relationships (Platonic) and progress their risthas that way. But this girl doesn't give a rats ass about me. Half of the time I feel like I'm running after her. We've had couple of arguments just because of that and she has assured me over and over that she is ready for marriage but my heart says otherwise. Not sure how to go about this. It's like my heart is saying "Go with it", but brain is saying "Lets weigh the pros and cons".
Re: No communication until offical
Nothing! I found out absolutely nothing! Because when she texted we hardly had full on conversations, btw we never spoke on the phone. Because she wasn't comfortable with speaking on the phone. The texts were "Oh hey morning" Then 5 hours later "Whats up?" and then 3 days later she would reply "Oh sorry I was busy" this went on until she squashed the whole thing for "Studies".
Then when I did meet her she was quiet and looked at her phone most of the time. Mind you first time I met her with her parents and everyone in the room which was for like 10 minutes. The two other times might have been for 30 odd minutes. So to answer your question, I did not find anything that I want to find out. So yeah...
Most times a person that engages in such such blah communication, it means they're not into you.
Be totally up front and send her an interview-like email - ask the values, lifestyles, future goals, etc. questions. Ask all of the questions you want, but also ask silly/non-serious scenario-type questions that try and get a sense of the person she is and take it from there. If she declines to respond, you can tell her you're not comfortable proceeding because you don't know enough about her to make a decision.
Personally, I think you're owed at least that much responsiveness. And if she refuses - she really isn't your kind of person - because it shows that she's not willing to work with you to arrive at a positive outcome.
Re: No communication until offical
Yeah she's not into you. Also, why do you continue to pursue her?