No communication until offical

Girl says “No communication, until we’re official”. I said “But I already have your number, can’t we get to know each other first?”. She said "No, it feels soo wrong talking to you (Via texts). And I’m like ??? WHY

Discuss.

Re: No communication until offical

probably, because she knows that ‘testing’ soon becomes ‘sexting’? :hmmm:

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No, I don’t do that.

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was it all about you? i thought you were talking about it in general.

yeah, i know you won't do that. :)

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What? What do you mean was it all about me?

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mmm, I know my friend, he kind of did it like you, where he just talked to the girl once or twice on the phone, families than met, baat pakhi hogi, and then got engaged and than started texting and stuff.

As to why, she is probably more religious? Your are technically not suppose to talk to her without a wali? even via texting apparently.

and TBH, I would feel wrong talking to a guy who has a dark vader mask as his avatar...she's not wrong.

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Tell her why its important to you & come to a compromise (eg no skype just whatsapp on weekends etc) it's bizarre to me that people are ok to marry strangers when they have a chance to talk until shadi or engagment!

its like people refuse to acknowledge that not any two random people that are matched purely based on credentials (not even characteristics mind you) can have a chance of not working out.

Nahi nahi aisa kaise hosakta hai? Sab Allah per chordo 🤐

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I’m not sure why you’re pretending to be clueless about the reason. Based on what you wrote last year (quoted below), it’s clear that you’re fully aware of the cons of two people freely texting each other while “getting to know one another”.

This girls sounds like a traditional girl who doesn’t want to put herself in a situation where she will be tempted OR where she has to even deal with anything inappropriate. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If you’re serious about her then get your parents involved. The girl herself should not have any issues if she is told by her parents that it’s ok for her to communicate with you once the families are involved. Additionally, if she is not comfortable with regular private conversations, then you can also suggest that you two hang out in a group setting.

Of course, you can always do what the Duggars do with their kids. Suggest that you/girl up a group text with a 3rd person in it (friend, cousin, family member etc.). That way, you can get to know her without ever crossing the line because you know there is a 3rd person reading everything.

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/relationships/657233-sexting-nikkah-post10309633.html#post10309633

Re: No communication until offical

You are encyclopedia of threads. How do you keep remember them?

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Both my sisters husbands had their numbers after they got engaged, but they did not interact much at all. No calls and barely ever talking via texts. Only on weekends my mum would Skype their husbands and then my sisters had a chance to just say hi etc in passing. Slowly closer to the time of their marriage, they started texting more but still no calls.

Our reason for this? Engagement has no status in Islam. Some people get engaged; sext, kiss, hug, cuddle, everything but sex and then their engagements break off or something happens and what is the girl left with? Regrets, miseries and bad memories etc. I am not saying this always happens, but the chances of an engagement breaking off are high. I know many girls whose engagements broke off, even to men who they were so sure and serious about and had already accepted as husbands in their minds.

A little bit of restraint until Nikkah at least. That is what official in Islam means. Engagement has no place in Islam and if she is a traditional girl belonging to a traditional decent background, she would not want to get too attached to a person, until she knows for sure things are headed in the right direction. This is how a traditional mindset is, it takes time for the girl to open up to her partner.

There is absolutely nothing wrong for her to say this.

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She's probably religious minded.

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Firstly her family might not allow it. She's going to go by her family's rules not yours. Secondly for someone who's never dated before this is a huge step and might not be comfortable at all. If she is going to marry within her own social circle and this situation comes out then she's going to get judged as the girl who talks to random boys while you get away scott free. Thirdly she might even be juggling more than one rishta (I know I had three simultaneously before I got engaged). It's going to get messy and some guys might not like it if she talks to other guys which is kind of makes the whole thing pointless if you can't give all guys equal time.

So if you don't want seedhi saadhi girl with parental restrictions find someone who's not going to freak out by your demand.

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Duggers? And texting with a 3rd person reading everything just seems so odd even if neither have any intention if going overboard :kissing_face_with_smiling_eyes:.

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If she isn't religious... Here are a few other possibilities/ assumptions:

She probably doesn't want to get attached to the idea of a person, end up wasting her time, and then get hurt in the end.
She may have her guard up.
Or maybe her parents are restricting her from too much communication.

You have her number, so you can reach out to her. But if it's something she is uncomfortable with, you really should respect her wishes. Like @ShimmerV said, you can let her know why you want to talk to her, and go from there.

If you require the constant communication, maybe instead of asking why she doesn't, ask why you do.

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Your life gonna suck anyways after marriage. communication or not.

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How so?

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You.. actually went back in the threads to quote me? Applauds You have great patience. BTW the context of my post in the past was different. I was referring to sexting.

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Right....you were referring to sexting and how it happens when two people are trying to get to know each other. In this thread, a girl, who I assume is desi and Muslim, told you that she doesn't want to communicate until things are official between the two of you. You really were left wondering why? You really had no clue what her concern might be?

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A girl should not even talk to a boy before marriage if he or she likes each other then they should tell their parents about it. This is the right way !!

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How can you like someone without talking to them lol and where does it say you shouldn't be talking?

Please, if anyone is rishta hunting, demand to talk and meet with the person (in a public place to not make it awkward) before you agree to the nikah. Nothing wrong or right about it. You are the one who has to spend your life with that person, not your khala/chacha/phupo