its interesting how almost all of you are suggesting to wait at least 6 months to a year...But all you hear is "you knw that couple who got married few months ago, mA she is expecting" i have notice this a lot, specl. in couples who stay Pakistan...but also have seen it her in the US.
Anyways...as everybody said wait a little bit, but it all depend on what you want as well. when i was younger, i had plans to get married by age 22...also planned to wait at least 3-4 years to have the kids. But now i m 26 and am getting married this June iA...so i dont think its wise to wait 3-4 years.
its interesting how almost all of you are suggesting to wait at least 6 months to a year...But all you hear is "you knw that couple who got married few months ago, mA she is expecting" i have notice this a lot, specl. in couples who stay Pakistan...but also have seen it her in the US.
Anyways...as everybody said wait a little bit, but it all depend on what you want as well. when i was younger, i had plans to get married by age 22...also planned to wait at least 3-4 years to have the kids. But now i m 26 and am getting married this June iA...so i dont think its wise to wait 3-4 years.
I would still stay wait just a little bit. You don't truly get to know someone until you live with them. There is a lot to learn and adjust to each other...etc.
An example is where people even went out for years etc.....but were totally shocked at behavior change after marriage, or issues after being married and living together. Be on the same page with your hubby, and then have kids.
Now having said that, perhaps girls/women here may not like it, but in some situations if they know the man was a player before or has tendencies to be 'wild', either the husband's mother (Who knows her son well) or girl's relatives try to advice girl to get pregnant soon after marriage. She 'acccidentally' misses taking pills.
This way the girl has some leverage over the husband not to run away wild or be more involved at the household.
^ That's mad... he may not walk out as easily but it's not likely he'll suddenly stop sleeping with other women just cos his wife has a baby or if he does walk she'll be left a single mother.. what a messed up idea, what are these women on to come out with such rubbish??? Son's mother advises his wife to get pregnant quickly lol perhaps she should advise her son to simply keep it in his pants..
Now having said that, perhaps girls/women here may not like it, but in some situations if they know the man was a player before or has tendencies to be 'wild', either the husband's mother (Who knows her son well) or girl's relatives try to advice girl to get pregnant soon after marriage. She 'acccidentally' misses taking pills.
This way the girl has some leverage over the husband not to run away wild or be more involved at the household.
Maybe she shouldn't marry him if she has to pull that kind of crap to maintain a relationship.
Now having said that, perhaps girls/women here may not like it, but in some situations if they know the man was a player before or has tendencies to be 'wild', either the husband's mother (Who knows her son well) or girl's relatives try to advice girl to get pregnant soon after marriage. She 'acccidentally' misses taking pills.
This way the girl has some leverage over the husband not to run away wild or be more involved at the household.
Thats really fstupid and shame on the mothers who force their player sons on unsuspecting girls. (unles the girl was the one he played aorund with...which is usualy unlikely).
Around the time i was graduating (a little less than a year ago) my mother was saying.. “abh tum bacha paida karo”…and i said to her its not like just making a roti
my MIL on the other hand…omydear was she explicit.
^ That's mad... he may not walk out as easily but it's not likely he'll suddenly stop sleeping with other women just cos his wife has a baby or if he does walk she'll be left a single mother.. what a messed up idea, what are these women on to come out with such rubbish??? Son's mother advises his wife to get pregnant quickly lol perhaps she should advise her son to simply keep it in his pants..
Maybe she shouldn't marry him if she has to pull that kind of crap to maintain a relationship.
Thats really fstupid and shame on the mothers who force their player sons on unsuspecting girls. (unles the girl was the one he played aorund with...which is usualy unlikely).
Yes...agree with you. Not making up this, but it did happen in someone's case I know. He was pretty open for not having children for at least two years after marriage and had made it clear to his wife and all his friends knew it. His wife told another woman she had asked him to buy more pills and he did not listen but he stated, he does not remember her saying that and he would have gone out and bought more pills if he knew she was running out. She was not driving then.
Don't know what exactly they had the conversation together, but the man loved his child and nothing bad happened in the family. I do not know if he is still a player or stopped chasing women. Haven't seen him in years.
This kind of planning and stuff wont work, simply because...if the dude is going to be a womanizer, he will be that way whether he has a wife and kids or not..kids arent going to make much difference.
This kind of planning and stuff wont work, simply because...if the dude is going to be a womanizer, he will be that way whether he has a wife and kids or not..kids arent going to make much difference.
Yes and true. But interestingly, you are not making any negative comment on her act. :)
I know many examples of unmarried people like that, where girl 'accidentally' or 'intentionally' got pregnant and the guy had to marry the girl with different long term results (some still married, some divorced), but this is one example I can come up with married couple at present.
It's generally a good idea to wait for 1-2 years after the marriage. There are some factors however to consider - mutual understanding, maturity, financial stability, and age to be a few.
Mutual understanding is an important factor and this understanding will only come once two individuals spend quality time together. You never know there can be some irreconcilable difference so it's better to find those out before planning to have any children.
One should be mature enough to have and raise children. The maturity has nothing to do with age. One can be mature enough at 20 and one may not be mature even at the age 30. Maturity certainly helps to have better understanding and tolerance.
Financial stability is also a very important factor. Once you have children then it becomes a bit difficult to relocate or try out different ventures. We all want to provide the best to our children and hence we should have a somewhat solid start before having children.
Now age is also a matter of fact we can't ignore. The older the woman, the more difficult to conceive. Also a couple want to be around their children when they are growing up. If a man is 50 when they decide to have a child, imagine the probability of him seeing the child to grow at age 20 or so. It's our responsibility to provide financial and parental care for our children so we must plan to the extent we have control on things. God knows the best what can happen and when but at least we can plan.
As a guideline, if a couple is between 20-25, they can easily wait 3+ years before having a child. If they are between 25-30 I think they can still wait 2 years. If they get married once they are 30+, they should wait at least a year.
Again, it all depends on one's situation and people can decide to the best of their own circumstances.
It's generally a good idea to wait for 1-2 years after the marriage. There are some factors however to consider - mutual understanding, maturity, financial stability, and age to be a few.
Mutual understanding is an important factor and this understanding will only come once two individuals spend quality time together. You never know there can be some irreconcilable difference so it's better to find those out before planning to have any children.
One should be mature enough to have and raise children. The maturity has nothing to do with age. One can be mature enough at 20 and one may not be mature even at the age 30. Maturity certainly helps to have better understanding and tolerance.
Financial stability is also a very important factor. Once you have children then it becomes a bit difficult to relocate or try out different ventures. We all want to provide the best to our children and hence we should have a somewhat solid start before having children.
Now age is also a matter of fact we can't ignore. The older the woman, the more difficult to conceive. Also a couple want to be around their children when they are growing up. If a man is 50 when they decide to have a child, imagine the probability of him seeing the child to grow at age 20 or so. It's our responsibility to provide financial and parental care for our children so we must plan to the extent we have control on things. God knows the best what can happen and when but at least we can plan.
As a guideline, if a couple is between 20-25, they can easily wait 3+ years before having a child. If they are between 25-30 I think they can still wait 2 years. If they get married once they are 30+, they should wait at least a year.
Again, it all depends on one's situation and people can decide to the best of their own circumstances.
Yes and Excellent!
Age at marriage and some social issues are very important in planning to have children. Depending on how many they want to, the timing should be well tought of. Off course plan may not work so plan in such a way that both partners achieve some accomplishment of their plan.
Some couples are so 'lucky' that they get desired mix of female and male child with desired gap.
i dun think the couple should wait at all..atleast it wont be in my case...IA..i plan to have a baby right after i get married without waiting InshAllah...
^ why don't u think a couple should wait at all?? Just curious :)
bcoz Allah has to give u the child, itz not something in our hands...who knows that after a year or 2 (as many of guppans have mentiond this time) when u r prepared for the child (though i dun get this preparation thing), u get to know that there are sum medical problems or something like that, i mean itz not something u plan , itz planned by Allah..
and then understanding each other or inlaws, u need time bla bla ..i think u cant understand ur husband or ur inlaws even if u spend the whole life with them...
I am not a teenager, neither in my early 20s. so prolly i should go for kids as soon as i get married. but no, I will wait for at least 6 months. That is coz i will like to know him during these 6 months plus yes to enjoy some time, like travel etc.
