No celebration

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: No celebration

Thats a shame, ur cousins wedding over ur baby. I feel bad for u, but i have a feeling that ur hubby is really supportive and that u can rather focus on what u have rather that what u dont :)

42

Re: No celebration

You should focus on yourself and your baby. You are now going to be a mother, your priorities need to shift from what makes your family happy to what is best for you and your baby. It is now time for YOU to be selfish. Your family sounds like a bunch of inconsiderate people, I am disgusted just hearing your side of the story. If I were you, I would just ignore them. When they get back, don't call them, if/when they call, ignore them, tell them you don't have time. Put your foot down and definitely let them know how they have made you feel and don't be too quick to accept apologies. Tell them you need time to deal with your new life.

Again, I'm sorry to hear about your family, they can get bent, you do what is right by your child.

43

Re: No celebration

Well family ties are to be kept..thats why I havent cut off contact with any of them even though I have gone through some really nasty stuff cuz of them!!!

I still show them respect and honour them as my parents and relatives. I have however minimized my level of expectations a lot!!!however I clearly had some high expectations when it comes to my baby's birth and expected them to be here and celebrate my joy and happiness which in fact also is their happiness and joy!!!!!

I do understand that they financial situation isnt too good and since mum is going for the wedding she can be there some extra weeks. in fact I did suggest that to her that she can stay there 2-3 weeks more after the wedding and return just around my due date. I also asked her politely to be here with me just before my due date but she didnt reply. Now she decided to stay there for 6 more weeks after the wedding....

and yes she is going for the wedding cuz of sister's marriage and happiness but that doesnt mean that she needs to extend her stay so much! I know that heat is good for her health and by staying there fore around a month she can feel much better which is why I suggested to her that she should stay for longer than the initial 2 weeks she was planning to....

I guess u guys are right. She was visiting me for a few weeks ago. and she saw how much care and love my husband was showing to me in this condition. I have the most lovely hubby and she must have thought that I will be fine if she extends her visit with even more weeks and can get some heat which is good for her health.....

however i do wonder if she would have done this if my brother was expecting his first child?! I have only one brother and as mentioned earlier there has been clear discrimination when celebrating his joys compared to mine.

i know that one should say ufff when parents do/say something hurtful and I literally dont do that with any friends or hubby or someone else...but just letting all this out here on GS makes me feel good in the sense that I feel more clarified..but I also feel bad for talking in such manner about my mother......

44

Re: No celebration

and I really dont want to go and visit them with my 3 weeks old baby....but my youngest sister - who cant travel due to her health and really wants to come but clearly cant - is pushing me to come for 2 reasons: 1. to meet the baby and 2. to convince my parents about this rishta that came for her and my parents arent accepting cuz he isnt from their caste!!!

I dont want to let dwn my little sis but just cant cope with my parents mentality anymore.they would never accept someone as their son in law who isnt from their caste and how can I be clear in my mind with a 3 weeks old baby to convince them with good arguments......

koi ek masla ho to tab na!!!!

45

Re: No celebration

I dont think they need u to fight ure lil sis' case for rishta. From ure past posts, it seems that what u think doesnt count as much for ure parents.... Especially after the divorce and u not marrying their choice of guy... Rebelious girl is what they think of u... No good comes from her.... So u pleading ure sis' case may backfire... And may bring back the hostility that thwy showed when u refused to marry ure cousin...

But thats just my guess... Sorry in advance if im painting a bad pic of the folks.

46

Re: No celebration

yes I am the rebel in the family but I am also the one my parents ask for advice when they need it. they have respect for my lifestyle now 5 yrs into my marriage. they see how my husband is and understand why i wanted to get out of the nikkah to live a life that I am living now...

on the other side they might also feel bitter for the aftermath after my divorce and all the drama created by relatives and my sister's in-law who also were my ex-in-laws....

its not all black and white ......but yeah I am the rebel who might not be welcomed if I support my sister in her fight against the caste thing in the rishta she likes...

47

Re: No celebration

So as all this wasnt enough my SIL decides to go on holidays to Pakistan one week after my due date knowing that baby might come late and therefore after she has left. I told her that it wasnt what I expected and she didnt reply back- just looked the other way. I got really dissappointed and angry but didnt show it to her. After a while she got up and left.....its her only sibling's first child and I couldt get over the fact that she doesnt give a damn about this...hubby wasnt too happy either but he is less hormonal than me..to put it that way!!!

My best friend will also be going for umrah 12 days after my due date but I am not so hung up on that one though I would wish she was here when I need her specially cuz noone from my family will be here and only MIL and FIL will come over from their city....but since this friend cant have a baby and other umrah packages were too expensive for her and her in-laws I do understand that she wont be here....and afterall she isnt family and I didnt have same expectations to her than to my own family and to SIL!

then there is another friend who also is travelling for umrah a few days before my due date. she got married last year and I actually chose not to travel before she got married so I attended all her wedding parties and even arranged for her chor mehdni etc....now when she really had the chance to show some hapiness when there is a happy occasion in my life, she hasnt been there at all during my pregnancy and will not be there when baby will be born...of course I understand that people have their priorities but I am just annoyed that I seem to be a random option to those who I have prioritiezed for a while...

In a way I am glad that I have realized so many things before baby is born and I will give full attention to my baby inshaAllah without prioritizing people around me!!

48

Re: No celebration

Jeez its the same complaint with u over and over again

49

Re: No celebration

and?

50

Re: No celebration

I think you should ask those friends to pray at the umrah for you and your baby, request them to bring you some abe-zam zam. You know what matters most is that your husband is with you and both of you will welcome your child in this world together (inshahAllah). If I were you, I wouldn't stress on who is here and who isn't. I'll be just thankful for being blessed with a wonderful supporting husband and the beautiful gift in the form of a child.

So, just sit back, relax and be thankful for your blessings.

51

Re: No celebration

If you have the courage to say no to a forced rishta and pay all the expenses of your secund marriage, i'm sure you'll find the courage the raise your little one on your own during the first days and after that. don't be so stressed, it's not good for you and the baby.

52

Re: No celebration

I just wanted to let out my toughts about SIL choosing to leave at such a special time....the friends part just came along though I didnt have same high expectations to them..I guess I am being very hormonal.....

felt good to just write it all and go to sleep :D