No celebration

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: No celebration

on top of all these feelings what should I tell my in-laws? that my mum went to Pakistan for my ex-husband's wedding and is not returning yet!!!

everyone is gonna ask me about my family and each time I will have to pretend that all is ok and that I am not pissed at them for not coming!!!!

22

Re: No celebration

I see your point but she is still staying in Pakistan for more than 5 weeks after the wedding and could have been here with me instead!!!!!

23

Re: No celebration


**oh, i understand now...May Allah make it easier for you and your dad. i'm sorry to hear about your divorce and iA things will be alrite...just have faith in Allah and be steadfast. aameen.

i understand that there is huge pressure on families who are closely related with in-laws. i call it "double jeopardy!". now, direct all your energy towards ur well-being and make sure you go thru the pregnancy with care and attention. it seems your dad is a very sensitive person so plz take care of him as well...May Allah bless you all..aameen**

24

Re: No celebration

give tit for tat.

Don't take the baby to see them when they're back. If they love you they'll come to see you first.

25

Re: No celebration

no need to be sorry. I am perfectly happy about that divorce and for not living in that jeopardy system!!!

yes my dad is a very sensitive person and on top of everything my sisters in-laws actually made a huge fuss about my divorce 6 years back and demanded that my dad gives them half of the portion of his house that he has built after working veryy hard. He refused to do so but they still blackmailed him so much that they have gotten 1/4th of that house and built a new house there leaving my dad feeling emptyhanded. mind it, my dad actually raised these 2 brothers cuz my uncle's is ill and hasnt been able to raise his own kids so dad made sure they got to the best schools etc but it wasnt enough for them and my khala who also is my taayi demanded that he gives his 2 daughters rishta to her 2 sons...I refused and ended up getting into nikkah anyways but it got annulled...my other sister got married to his younger brother and is still married to him and they have 2 kids now. my BIL was also part of the drama of getting the portion of the house so my dad is very angry at all these relatives. hence not going to Pakistan. they are still calling him often and blackmailing him to come...I am worried about his health and keep texting him hadith about anger etc.....keep him in your prayers.

26

Re: No celebration

will pray for your father insha'Allah

27

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thanks:) means a lot to me!!! :)

28

Re: No celebration

I know how u might feel .. my parents attented some female cousin's wedding and then they missed their flight back and are now stuck in pak till the end of may and my baby is due at the end of may.. now I know they are sick and old but right now I needed them and they are not here ... so I totally understand ur dilemma .. :(

29

Re: No celebration


**i'll iA always keep ur dad in my prayers. Allah unko achchhii seHat aur sukoon-e-qalb 'ataa farmaaye ... aameen.

this is what we call "neki kar aur dariyaa meN Daal"! It's sad that people first get all the benefit from someone and then turn around and bite him/her like a "aasteen kaa saaNp"...so sad and so pathetic. ur Dad, i'm sure did all the good things in the name of Allah and i'm positive his rewards will be with Allah.

i'm glad to hear that you are happy with divorce situation. i always support women who take matters into their hands and chart out their future themselves rather than 'celebrate their misery like most women in our culture do'. May Allah give you the courage to go thru the pregnancy and that he makes things easier for all of you. aameen**

30

Re: No celebration

I called my mom and honestly.. hate saying it.. but yelled at her for not being there for me. My husband was working night shifts and we had no help whatsoever. I passed out for low blood level and I thought dying was better then being in so much pain. I regret saying all that stuff to my mom. She is a wonderful woman who just couldn't make it on time for my delievry.

Oh and I told my MIL who almost booked her ticket that I want my mom to be here for me. And after delievery .. umm no sign of my mom.. LOL. I was so embarassed but its all done and over with. I am happy. My mom taught me how to take care of my baby so I am well settled with him now on my own.

Just take it easy and don't ruin your relationship with your mother. She'll take care of you once she is with you. For the time she isn't with you, do enough preps. Freeze food, have everything for the baby ready etc.

31

Re: No celebration

I agree yours is a tough situation dear. Lots of duas for your and your dad dear. I know its difficult but please don’t be disheartened with your family’s behaviour. Count your blessings. You have a loving husband Masha Allah and will be a proud mom soon Insha Allah. Always be happy. Very few people in this world live perfect lives and they miss one or few things from their lives that make them discontent. Be satisfied from whatever you have in your life.

No one can replace your mom and siblings but do consider everyone here on GS as your family :). I can be your mooo boli mom :smiley: (although I am not that aged and have absoloutely no experience in childbirth). But still, here it goes:

*“BETI, apna khayal rakh rahi ho na. Khana peena acha kha rahi ho na. Damadjee tau bhot achi tarah khayal rakhtey hain na. Beti, khush raha karo. Kisi bhi cheez ki zaroorat ho mujhe zaroor kehna. Allah Swt tumhain pyara sa aur cute sa baby dey AMEEEEN” :slight_smile: **:hug: *:bb:

32

Re: No celebration

ur post made me laugh:D though I have been crying so much today…thanks:)

I am glad that I have let out my feelings here on GS.didnt comment it all when I spoke to mum on phone.just said that I need to go to the bathroom and hung up…started crying…when I was done I came to GS to let it all out…so I was much more relaxed when hubby came home…didnt want him to see all this though he does know what I really feel about the whole situation…

please keep my family ir ur prayers…there is not much family feeling when everyone is doin their stuff not being considerate to each other…

33

Re: No celebration

Glad I made you laugh dear. Life is tough for everyone. We have to be strong enough to go through it. Don't waste your beautiful pregnancy moments in being depressed. You are Masha Allah very lucky to soon to be blessed with a baby. So many girls around the world have their moms and families with them but don't have children. So always count your blessings.

Loads of duas for you and your family. Forget everything which makes you depressed. Loads of happiness is on its way to you soon INSHA ALLAH :)

34

Re: No celebration

this is life.
just be strong.

cuz the fact there is a moment in everyones life when they feel they are truly alone. Recite Surah Marium.

35

Re: No celebration

Having a baby is no doubt a stressful time especially when it is yur first. I can just about get your mother going to the wedding but i cannot get why she is staying extra when she could be home for the due datE? maybe speak to her about this? gently probe?

But mA you have an amazing husband you'll be fine :)

36

Re: No celebration

hey think about the whole situation from your mom's perspective.....

she knows you have a loving husband & your MIL with you at this time & she is going to the wedding because you already mentioned a lot of reasons for it.... its a family wedding where there's a lot of pressure on your parents to go & since your father is not going she has to go, she may even have to account for his absence.
Secondly, you sister is married in the same house, so your parents not attending might create problems for her.
Thirdly, since your family is so interconnected & even if your mom says she has a valid excuse to be with you, you do know that relatives have their own take on things even if they know its not true.

Rather than feeling like an outsider, you should consider yourself lucky that you're not a part of all this family drama.....you were a part of it but you chose to get out of it, so stop doing nashukri.

You are thinking for yourself only (not saying that its anything bad) but a mother has to think about all her kids. Also you mentioned that your family is not very well-off so your mother might think 'k now that I am here I might spend some more time with my daughter.....

As for the siblings not coming to you, when they are married they usually have their own family & issues as a priority rather than their siblings.

You are mixing a lot of things here. If you love your family then you gotta forgive a lot of things...and if you cant then dont expect so much from them.

As for visiting them, do as you wish :D

pheww...a long post but I hope it helps you somehow.

37

Re: No celebration

Wow, complicated family.

38

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Really sad to hear what you're going through Chameli, i can understand how hurt you must be feeling, its your mum after all and mums are supposed to be there for their daughters. But like many people here are saying, just count your blessings and be strong, plus when you have your baby in your arms, nothing else will matter :)

xxx

39

Re: No celebration

Chameli having gone through worse than your situation at the time when my baby was born pray thanks to Allah that your husband (the baby’s father) is with you. I know you need help and you feel hurt. But in the long run it is really your husband’s support that matters the most. Right now just think about you and the baby because think about all of them will just increase your stress. My best wishes :flower1:

40

Re: No celebration

I dont understand, why your parent again giving another daughter to same family. In one of your post, you mentioned that your sister is not happy and became the victim of home violence.