Seems like noone from my family is coming when my first baby is born. Mum is going to Pakistan for my ex-husband’s wedding who happens to be a maternal cousin!my 2 sisters are already there for the wedding as he is my one ssiter’s BIL and the other sister’s husband is also a maternal cousin of both us and the groom (my ex!!)
My 2 other siblings cant come due to their exams which I understand. but I just cant get over the fact that the rest chose to travel to Pakistan and be there for the wedding instead of sharing the biggest happiness of my life!!!
I have been so patient with my family for so long but this time I just feel like making a huge fuss and never speak to them again . but I know I wont be doing it…so just letting it all out here on GS!!
I felt that they didnt really share my happiness when I got married either. I spent every penny myself, even their airline tickets for coming to the walima as I got married out of country. I paid of every damn gift for my in-laws and every expense of the wedding. Didnt get any gifts when hubby and I moved to our first home that we bought together and didnt get my salamis eithers from the wedding as my mum thinks that it was her ‘lein dein’ that was returned from her friends and aquintances. At that time I didnt pay much attention to it cuz my family isnt very well-off and I was in a well paid job. 2 yrs later my only bro got married and I was chocked to see where the money came from and how they overspent on everything.
I was sad cuz of the discriminative behaviour of my parents…
Now I am just devastated that they are not coming for my baby’s birth and expect me to travel to them once they are all back from Pakistan when the baby will be perhaps 3 weeks old and both me and baby will need rest and not unnecessary stress and travel.
I just cant get over it…this was their time to show that they really care and they really are there for me and my baby and celebrate our happiness.
I have never in my life felt so alone…let down by family and so many so-called friends..that I just want to stay away from every single human being from now on…
The situation is odd. Focus on yourself and the pregnancy and the rest comes later.Sometimes its wiser to let people make the effort. You should prioritize who is important and who is not.
You'll definitely need help after the baby arrives. Your mom should be there for you. Siblings ... well all of them got their own thing going on but mom.. she should be with you. You'll need her. Make sure if you are on your own, you are well prepared for the baby's arrival.
And looks like all your family is related to each other.. hmmm. You married an outsider?
were your parents unhappy/against your second marriage?
Regardless you now know the only person you can count on is you.
my first "marriage" was a forced one.. nikkah that was annulled some years later cuz I rejected it totally. my secont marriage is my real marriage. not a love marriage kind of story. but my parents were obviously not happy that I didnt accept their choise, namely the looser cousin in Pakistan and instead got divorced leading to a lot of tension in the family.
I am living a perfectly happy married life with my husband. Alhamdulillah have nothing to complain about him. He really is God's gift to me after all those years of unhappiness before I met him!!
so yes there is some history that made my parents behave the way they did at my wedding but they are fine now and happy that I am happy and they really like my husband. so this is an awkward situation!!!!
You'll definitely need help after the baby arrives. Your mom should be there for you. Siblings ... well all of them got their own thing going on but mom.. she should be with you. You'll need her. Make sure if you are on your own, you are well prepared for the baby's arrival.
And looks like all your family is related to each other.. hmmm. You married an outsider?
yes all my married siblings are married in the family and I am the only one married to an outsider and really feel like I am an outsider in my own family!!!!!!!
Mum gave the recipe of yakhni to my husband and told my MIL to take care of me while she is away. but its not the same as ur own mum taking care of you!!!!!!!and MIL has a tendencey to speak in a dominant way though she mostly has good intentions for my well being but still...
It is terrible that your family is behaving this way. Now you know not to bother for them in the future.
I just dont want to travel to their city with a 3 weeks old baby....why should I waste my energy, time and money when I am obviously not on their priority list at all!!!!!!!
**It's indeed strange on your mom's part. i've so many times heard that the lady can't come to any some special occasion because her daughter is having a baby and she has to go there. is something else going on behind the scenes between you and ur mom or between ur mom and ur in-laws? if there is something then that will explain and in that case you should focus on urself and ur pregnancy. i supposed you are receiving FULL support from ur hubby and ur in-laws.
Good Luck with your first baby and may Allah BLESS you and your baby to be born. aameen :)**
what really annoys me is that the wedding is in 2 weeks time and I am due in 6 weeks time so mum could book her return ticket sooner but she chose to return with my sister in 3-4 weeks AFTER my due date...I just cant get over THAT fact!!!!
Yeah totally agree with MIL not a mom's replacement speically around this time when you all you need is your mom.
Honestly if I was at your place, I wouldn't travel to my mom's place. If she can't come to my place when I need her, I don't need to go to her at all. Even when she returns she should be at your place to help you out. You can' travel with such a small baby plus your own health won't be the best to be travelling. I just had a baby and I know its just not the right idea.
**It's indeed strange on your mom's part. i've so many times heard that the lady can't come to any some special occasion because her daughter is having a baby and she has to go there. is something else going on behind the scenes between you and ur mom or between ur mom and ur in-laws? if there is something then that will explain and in that case you should focus on urself and ur pregnancy. i supposed you are receiving FULL support from ur hubby and ur in-laws.
Good Luck with your first baby and may Allah BLESS you and your baby to be born. aameen :)**
thanks for ur duas...but nothing going on as far as I know of....
my ex-husband is a maternal AND paternal cousin and there has been a huge family pressure that one of my parenst should attend the wedding. my sister is married to his brother so perhaps they think they should ease her situation by being there.
my dad refused to go for the wedding cuz of his financial situation and due to their behaviour since my divorce!!
I don't think you sshould go. You need to focus on having a calm peaceful life for yourself and your baby. Those initial weeks are really tough. No need to add stress.
If your mil is loving to you, then focus your attention on building yoru relationship with her.
i can understand why this is upsetting...and i agree you should have nothing to do with anyone who cant be there for you during this time...EXCEPT your parents... i realize that they are hurting you as well...but I still think you can never turn ur back on ur parents even if they turn theirs on u.
as for how hurtful this whole situation is...be grateful for what you have...which is a loving husband...what if you didnt have him either?
I pray for your and your baby's health, insha'Allah it will be the most beautiful time of your life and you dont need nor should you care about all this negativity...adopt the attitude "who cares, I dont need them...their loss"
I don't think you sshould go. You need to focus on having a calm peaceful life for yourself and your baby. Those initial weeks are really tough. No need to add stress.
If your mil is loving to you, then focus your attention on building yoru relationship with her.
I am not going. I have decided to stay home and rest. If anyone wants to come and see the baby they are most welcome to do so. The tickets are cheap and the journey is short!!
i can understand why this is upsetting...and i agree you should have nothing to do with anyone who cant be there for you during this time...EXCEPT your parents... i realize that they are hurting you as well...but I still think you can never turn ur back on ur parents even if they turn theirs on u.
as for how hurtful this whole situation is...be grateful for what you have...which is a loving husband...what if you didnt have him either?
I pray for your and your baby's health, insha'Allah it will be the most beautiful time of your life and you dont need nor should you care about all this negativity...adopt the attitude "who cares, I dont need them...their loss"
but forgive ur parents...plz
I know that..and thats why I am not making a fuss about this with my parents and just letting it all out here on GS!!!but I am still not going after some weeks. I will need rest and they can come here if they want. thereby not said that I am not going to speak to my parents again but certainly I will keep my expectations low for the future!!!
you definitely should not be the one traveling ... keeping low expectations is the right attitude to adopt
I know that..and thats why I am not making a fuss about this with my parents and just letting it all out here on GS!!!but I am still not going after some weeks. I will need rest and they can come here if they want. thereby not said that I am not going to speak to my parents again but certainly I will keep my expectations low for the future!!!
If your mom is going for your sister's sake ... for her marriage and for her happiness, I think she has a valid excuse for not being there for you. I think your mom is thinking... well you have your MIL to take care of you for the time she isn't there so she can go to the wedding because your sister will be in peace.
I was mad at my mom for not being there for me when my baby arrived. Well he decided to come two week early so it wasn't her fault. So finally when she was here with me, she did so much for me I can't even tell. I would sleep and she'll be up all night with my new born just so that me and my husband could get some sleep. I am indebted to her. Even my husband was amazed at how much my mom did for us.. cooked, cleaned took care of the baby. She didn't let us do anything. At the time my baby came, i thought it was all wrong that she wasn't there for me and would rather take care of my sister's baby who is 5 but she made up for it and some more.