Of course its a privelage. Would you go to a wedding without getting a gift? No you wouldn't. Everybody is the same. so therefore its expected.
That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Its a privilege for the couple to receive a gift, not an obligation of the attendee to give one.
And yes, I've been to a wedding where I didn't give a gift. It was a desi wedding - I took an envelope with a check with me that I planned to give the couple, but I was so offended by the behavior of the groom's family (seriously bad & no, I'm not going to tell you what it was) that I left early & didn't give a gift.
If I attend a wedding (or any other event) I expect to be treated with respect & courtesy & not as a convenient cash machine.
That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Its a privilege for the couple to receive a gift, not an obligation of the attendee to give one.
And yes, I've been to a wedding where I didn't give a gift. It was a desi wedding - I took an envelope with a check with me that I planned to give the couple, but I was so offended by the behavior of the groom's family (seriously bad & no, I'm not going to tell you what it was) that I left early & didn't give a gift.
If I attend a wedding (or any other event) I expect to be treated with respect & courtesy & not as a convenient cash machine.
I don't understand what all the bickering is about. That's just me though. Nearly every wedding i've been to in the past 5 years has had this on the invitation. I wasn't offended. There have been registry cards in some of the invitations. I wasn't offended.
Weddings are seriously overrated. All these little details, the clothes, centre pieces, table settings, it's overrated. The wedding is just a day. Your life won't be over if someone decides to give you $100 or a boxed gift. What matters is the rest of your life that happens after that one single Wedding day.
One thing I will say about boxed gifts is that a lot of desis have a habit of recycling gifts. Meaning they receive a gift, open it, possibly use it, pack it back up and gift it to others. This happens and this is not an exaggeration. From this point of view, I'm not surprised people put "no boxed gifts" on their cards.
When i said getting a gift, i meant gifting it to the couple.
Saara point is... you still took one for the couple. what happened after was unusual.
The recycling part is a main reason why ppl here put it on the card.
I remember seeing some icecream bowl set passed on to 3 different ppl way back ago.
Ok guys so I have a question giving a gift to bridge and groom is a privilege. What about feeding your guests, is that requrired or a privilege?
By inviting your guests, you have extended them the privilege of an invitation to share in your happiness. If you don't want to invite someone, then don't. If you're ballsy enough to dictate the gift you want, then why not just **not **invite the people who will not be genuinely happy in sharing your wedding day with you.
As for feeding them, you don't have to feed them, remember, these people would be happy for you no matter what. The choice to feed your guests and to feed them is a decision of the host - it's your way of thanking them for sharing in your day. How elaborate a spread you put together is on you - no one is telling you need a 10 course meal.
Your guests in turn will WANT to give you a gift to show that they're happy to celebrate your wedding. And they will choose something that they believe will matter to you. Whether that is cash, because it's practical for the newlywed couple or something else, but they will put thought into the gift.
The only caveat to feeding guests I think may apply to a valima - I defer to the more knowledgeable about what needs to be observed from a religious perspective for a valima (but again, it needn't be some extraordinary do).
If you can tell your guests what to bring as a gift, then you'd better send out a menu insert to each of your guests and ask them what they want to eat and provide a meal that pleases each guest.
The menus will be handed out to guests according to category. The guest's will be placed in categories according to the amount they have gifted and other financial information. Guests will be required to fill out paperwork and provide all requested information in order to reserve a seat. The gift along with mandatory paper work will be required prior to the event so the category placement procedure can take place. The required information will be Name, Date or Birth, Social security number, yearly income (prior to taxes), tax return amount (both state and federal). This information will help us determine which category you fall under.
I don't think we're the issue here. We've made it clear that we find it tacky beyond belief, and that we wouldn't be caught dead with anything like that on our invites. Heck, even when we get these kinds of money grubbing invites, we just shake our heads and write out a nice check, because we're too polite to do otherwise (even though it just reinforces such repugnant behavior). Rather, the issue seems to be that there seem to be a number of girls on here who want to engage in such uncouth behavior, AND not have anyone think that their actions are rude. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's like watching someone pick their nose and pass gas in public (while insisting that "everyone knows these are normal bodily functions, so what's the point of not being upfront about it?") and then getting furious when people think that her behavior is disgusting.
By the way...I'm pretty sure "cheapskate" is a more apt description for the people who are basically selling tickets outright to their fundraising dinners/weddings.
I don't think we're the issue here. We've made it clear that we find it tacky beyond belief, and that we wouldn't be caught dead with anything like that on our invites. Heck, even when we get these kinds of money grubbing invites, we just shake our heads and write out a nice check, because we're too polite to do otherwise (even though it just reinforces such repugnant behavior). Rather, the issue seems to be that there seem to be a number of girls on here who want to engage in such uncouth behavior, AND not have anyone think that their actions are rude. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's like watching someone pick their nose and pass gas in public (while insisting that "everyone knows these are normal bodily functions, so what's the point of not being upfront about it?") and then getting furious when people think that her behavior is disgusting.
By the way...I'm pretty sure "cheapskate" is a more apt description for the people who are basically selling tickets outright to their fundraising dinners/weddings.
Why does it bother you if someone picks their nose in front of you? Its their finger... their nose... their booger? What does it have to do with you?
Why does it bother you if someone picks their nose in front of you? Its their finger... their nose... their booger? What does it have to do with you?
Then it shouldn't bother them when I say that I think their behavior is disgusting. It's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it. There's no need for them to get defensive and post diatribes about how their behavior, which defies accepted societal norms, is polite and appropriate.
Then it shouldn't bother them when I say that I think their behavior is disgusting. It's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it. There's no need for them to get defensive and post diatribes about how their behavior, which defies accepted societal norms, is polite and appropriate.
Everything that comes into your head should not come out of your mouth. You are entitled to your own opinion but there is a time, place, and manner of expressing your thoughts. Name calling is not called for. Come on really how old are we. Respect for other peoples opinion is a norm in society. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Your contradicting yourself by saying... "Well if they have the right to post that on their invitations which is abnormal, than I have the right to call them names and disrespect them, which is also abnormal. Not to mention rude, cheap, disrespectful, low class and narrowminded. You do not agree with it... WE GET THE POINT! What do you get from calling people cheapskates? That's not very classy!
Please that live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Everything that comes into your head should not come out of your mouth. You are entitled to your own opinion but there is a time, place, and manner of expressing your thoughts. Name calling is not called for. Come on really how old are we. Respect for other peoples opinion is a norm in society. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Your contradicting yourself by saying... "Well if they have the right to post that on their invitations which is abnormal, than I have the right to call them names and disrespect them, which is also abnormal. Not to mention rude, cheap, disrespectful, low class and narrowminded. You do not agree with it... WE GET THE POINT! What do you get from calling people cheapskates? That's not very classy!
I have never gone up to a bride/hostess and called her, or anyone else in her family, any of those names for engaging in any sort of behavior, no matter how personally repugnant I found it. This however, is an anonymous forum, where my comments are not directed at any one specific person. Moreover, when I have used those words, I have used them to describe the behavior in question - not specific people. I stand by that decision, as I don't think there are any other words to describe such poor taste and judgment.
As for the cheapskate comment, that was pretty clearly a response to the poster I quoted, who referred to all people who believe in good taste as "cheapskates" who don't want to fork over cash to attend someone's wedding.
I don't think we're the issue here. We've made it clear that we find it tacky beyond belief, and that we wouldn't be caught dead with anything like that on our invites. Heck, even when we get these kinds of money grubbing invites, we just shake our heads and write out a nice check, because we're too polite to do otherwise (even though it just reinforces such repugnant behavior). Rather, the issue seems to be that there seem to be a number of girls on here who want to engage in such uncouth behavior, AND not have anyone think that their actions are rude. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's like watching someone pick their nose and pass gas in public (while insisting that "everyone knows these are normal bodily functions, so what's the point of not being upfront about it?") and then getting furious when people think that her behavior is disgusting.
By the way...I'm pretty sure "cheapskate" is a more apt description for the people who are basically selling tickets outright to their fundraising dinners/weddings.
So you find it rude and a TON of others DONT. I consider the tone of your posts rude but you may find them perfectly acceptable.
Whether you like it or not, appreciate it or not, care for it or not...it is becoming a societal norm to give cash gifts.
Cash gifts are perfectly acceptable to the majority and will continue to gain popularity because it makes logical sense.
So you find it rude and a TON of others DONT. I consider the tone of your posts rude but you may find them perfectly acceptable.
I'm sure the girl who's picking her nose and farting in public thinks its rude when people don't appreciate her behavior. Who cares?
Whether you like it or not, appreciate it or not, care for it or not...it is becoming a societal norm to give cash gifts.
The issue isn't whether or not its okay to give cash gifts (I could care less about that)...its whether or not its okay for the bride's family to demand them. As for whether or not demanding cash is becoming a societal norm - thankfully you're wrong. It's acceptable in neither Pakistan nor the US...rather, there's a subset within the expatriate South Asian community who seem to think its OK.
janeb e ali, I agree with you...apparantly even saying that "No boxed gifts" is tacky on A FORUM is considered rude...so stupid....
Reha, no this practice is only common among Desi's in the west...not everywhere...
I don;t understand, why y'all are SO HUNG UP OVER when someone says that "no boxed gift" is tacky!! It's the same as saying I think brides who wear blood red wedding dresses are ughh!!! or brides who 10000 pounds of gold jewelry during the day of the their wedding is tacky....and those photos that couples take trying act out lovey- dovey scenes bollywood movies- PUKE!!!! would never do!!
So get over it....And if your feelings are so easily hurt over what someone says on an online FORUM..get some help- it's a tough world out there.