thats the whole thing i am agianst......... it is no more about being happy for the couple and family....... its about competiton about how much we give vs how much we got or will get!!! it just kills the whole concept of giving gifts.... its no more about our khushi and giving duas and blessings........ its all show off!!!
Well i kinda agree with you and disagree.
I did not keep any track of how much was given to me because I really did not even care about the money/gift issue...
Today, however, it's all about who gave what and how much...
So in that terms I feel that if I had kept a track of the amount I received then I would know what's fair to return.
see thats were i differ!!
its the thought which counts ...... not the cost!! if a gift is given with love...... it is truly priceless....... even if it costs $1 in materalistic world!!
we are the one who determine the "today" and if we know that there is a problem in "today" then we can for sure work on "tomorrow"
In Islam or any other religion....exchange of gifts is to not about currency exchange....... it is about increasing love and care among ppl.........
I don't understand why ppl think that if they write "cash only" they'll suddenly get more? Cuz if someone has an intention of only spending $20 on a gift for you, they will only give you $20 in an envelope regardless. To be honest, I'd rather open a gift and not know how much it was worth than get $20 from a family of 6. (which has happened). I just tuck this bit of info away in my mind, and I know that I will not be overly generous when I go to their wedding. Simple. I see no qualms in doing the same thing as they did.
I don't understand why ppl think that if they write "cash only" they'll suddenly get more? Cuz if someone has an intention of only spending $20 on a gift for you, they will only give you $20 in an envelope regardless. To be honest, I'd rather open a gift and not know how much it was worth than get $20 from a family of 6. (which has happened). I just tuck this bit of info away in my mind, and I know that I will not be overly generous when I go to their wedding. Simple. I see no qualms in doing the same thing as they did.
oh no girl - if a family of 6 is intending to give you a gift of $20 - they will find those cake mixers, or small coffee makers, or cheap iron. BUT if they were to give CASH - they will not give you $20 - now they have to reach their pocket for more...
see thats were i differ!!
its the thought which counts ...... not the cost!! if a gift is given with love...... it is truly priceless....... even if it costs $1 in materalistic world!!
we are the one who determine the "today" and if we know that there is a problem in "today" then we can for sure work on "tomorrow"
In Islam or any other religion....exchange of gifts is to not about currency exchange....... it is about increasing love and care among ppl.........
come on get real - the thought of "it's the thought which counts" is too cliche.
What if the person invited to the wedding does not even like the person getting married - but they are invited just because they are family...
in this case - the "thoughts" are - "heck I don't even care" ... then it's sad:(
Subbo: If they said NO Boxed Gifts Please then they may be expecting cash :-) If you take a bouquet with you, imagine all the hassle you'll be going thrpugh of carrying it around. The bridae and groom tend not to be the first ones in the hall, they take their time :) If you are fine with carrying it around or just giving it to the bride's mom it's entirely up to you but I personally think taking just a bouquet of flowers isn't really appropriate.
I don't think giving gifts is an obligation, it's a choice. In the desi community, people have made it as if you HAVE to give something which I find wrong. I think if people want to write 'no boxed gifts please' on the card, go ahead and do so, as a guest if I didn't want to give money, I wouldn't give anything because it's important that people know they don't have to.
Shay, I have never heard of a wedding where it is assumed that people WON’T gift.
No matter how cheap it is, but people would rather gift:) then go empty handed. It’s another story that the couple will HATE it to death but never go empty handed.
I am horrified (in a friendly way that you mention that you “wouldn’t give anything”
^I meant that in the sense that if someone only wants cash, and I can't afford to give it, I won't.. because I am not obligated to. That's what people need to realize instead of making demands. People who attended my nikkah and now my rukhsati are not expected to bring anything. My mom even told people who called asking what to give and a few of them just showed up without anything.
I think desis make things so complicated for no reason with their stupid expectations from people. We tend to hold grudges against people forever who showed up at the party and didn't bring anything with them. It really questions the intentions that did we invite them because we wished for them to be a part of our special day or for materialistic reasons? It's a shame.
lol - ever since i’ve been reading this thread - I have been confused we are debating the right and wrong amount, the right way to write it on the card, etc. So in all this, seriously - I lost the meaning of “why are people invited to weddings”?
lol
^I meant that in the sense that if someone only wants cash, and I can't afford to give it, I won't.. because I am not obligated to. That's what people need to realize instead of making demands.
noooo i am not takng a bouquet..... i never did!! that was just an example..... "what if"
NJMasti........ to be honest if I am invited to a wedding ..... and I dont like those ppl...... I wont go... I just did that last month... we were invited in all events, and in mehndi and shaadi we saw how annoying those ppl were. so we royally skipped valima. but having said that... when we bought her wedding gifts... we didnt knew they can be so annoying and chipko! so at that time love was there. :P and blessings and prayers are still there........ u just cant hate anyone with "all ur heart"
NJMasti... your thoughts scare me!!..... i cant imagine inviting ppl with the thought that they will bring gifts. we will never agree as we belong to different group of thoughts.... so i wont argue anymore. for me weddings are all about giving blessings to the couple. and that can be given with a beautiful card also. i hate those ppl who dont erase the price tags from their little or big blessings!
I so agree with u shay! its a SHAME!! that ppl expect gifts!! I think its enough for the ppl to takke time out of their busy life and be part of the union/the happiness!!
coming bak to the topic....... I so think ppl should not write anything about gifts on cards. its just a big red alert that yes we are expecting something from u!!! be there on time!
People whos weddings I'll be attending without gifts should be worried, I don't see why you are :D
On a serious note, the discussion in this thread is mainly about whether asking people to give cash or not is appropriate.
oh no honey. I am definately not worried. If anything it should be all of you girls who should be worried because it's you guys thinking on what to write on the invite.
Clearly, throughout the thread people did not want gifts because of duplicate or cheapness... and NOT because of the "blessings" thought.
your thoughts scare me!!..... i cant imagine inviting ppl with the thought that they will bring gifts.
Then this whole topic would not have originated. The mere fact that "you" intend to get CASH instead of gift - just shows that "your" heart desires MONEY so you can go pick out something of your CHOICE - ! simple as that. You are NOT writing on the invite - give us your blessings. You are stating CLEARLY - NO BOXED gift - which means CASH only.
oh no honey. I am definately not worried. If anything it should be all of you girls who should be worried because it's you guys thinking on what to write on the invite.
Clearly, throughout the thread people did not want gifts because of duplicate or cheapness... and NOT because of the "blessings" thought.
haha okay, it seemed that way because you were saying how horrified you were at my response =) and by the way, im not 'one of the girls here' who are losing sleep over what to write on the card, i already mentioned above it doesn't matter to me or my family. if people choose not to bring something, that's their choice and i don't think they should be judged.
Then this whole topic would not have originated. The mere fact that "you" intend to get CASH instead of gift - just shows that "your" heart desires MONEY so you can go pick out something of your CHOICE - ! simple as that. You are NOT writing on the invite - give us your blessings. You are stating CLEARLY - NO BOXED gift - which means CASH only.
you seem to be missing the point. not everyone here is saying they want cash so let's not generalize. there are people who are okay with not receiving anything such as subbo said.
but never go empty handed.
that you mention that you “wouldn’t give anything”
:aq:… what happened??