The thing that I find worrying is that he’s a 25 year old adult…a man…(not a bacha) who ALLOWED his older brother to invade his privacy and YOURS…who willingly provided his brother access to conversations between you and him…who KNEW how embarrassing it would be for you. At that age, one should have more confidence in discerning what is right and wrong. But this guy MADE THE CHOICE to hurt and humiliate you by allowing a third party to invade your privacy. Not only is he financially depending upon his brother…BUT ALSO…in the more intricate and private matters of his life. In other words, this is a lifestyle for this guy. He is used to being dependent on his brother. And lifestyles/habits can be hard to change. You really need to consider this point.
And correct me if I’m wrong…but I thought that this guy told you that one of the chief reasons behind the desire for remarriage is to prove the ex wrong in her view that nobody would want to marry him. If this guy confessed this to you himself…that should make you even more wary.
And when I read your recent post, even I wondered if this might be a ploy concocted by them. The AMOUNT of anger your BIL showed in response to your rejection…I have a feeling that he’s not going to get over this anger or what he perceives as wounded pride/humiliation so quickly. There’s a chance that your BIL might…for years to come…hold a grude in his heart that you had the “audacity/nerve” to turn his baby brother down. *****AND IF you marry this guy… his older brother might let his grudge interfere in your marriage. In other words, your BIL might not be able to separate or isolate the anger. And this guy…is USED TO submitting to his older brother…and it can be a challenge for him to maintain his independence and privacy. Which brings, once again, the point that lifestyles and old habits are hard to shake.
I’d recommend that you find someone else. OR…if you absolutely feel that you can’t give him up at all while being fully aware of the possible problems that can result…then do what MIAinVA suggested and set some ground rules…and maybe give him a trial period of a few or even several months where he can prove that he can not only be independent financially but also have RESPECT for you as a woman and for the relationship. If he pushes the marriage even when you feel he’s far from being inancially stable or mature…don’t go into it. And if he gets impatient/angry/defensive…then it might possibly indicate that the intentions behind this sudden “turn around” may not be in the right place.
