Is it possible for both bride and groom to be present together in the hall when the nikkah is read during the shadi? When I got married 6 years ago, it was like I was suggesting something outrageous. Is it still the case?
What is the reasoning against having the couple present in the hall together during the nikkah?
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
Oh by the way, at the time I WAS given some reasons, but none of them were satisfactory:
"No maulvi will agree to performing the nikkah in this manner."
"The bride is all dressed up and looking her best and it would be inappropriate for her to appear in the hall and on stage before she is married."
"All the men come to the stage to congratulate the groom; it would be inappropriate for the bride to be in the middle of that."
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
From what I know the reasoning is that when the nikkah is being done,technically the bride and groom are non mehram till the groom says 'yes' and signs off the papers,which happens after the bride says 'yes'....someone correct me if I am wrong.
This is what I have heard as the reason being behind this,that both cant be present together at the stage.
They certainly can be in the same hall though,maybe different parts of the hall or 2 separate stages or seating arrangements for both of them.The bride this way wont also be in the way of the male relatives who will come to greet the groom.
This reminds me of some old Indian movie where I recall the nikkah is being done with both the bride and the groom in the same room and kinda separated by a veil like curtain thingy.So I guess it is something do-able.
:)
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
They could be on opposite sides of the same stage.
And it's so silly when they are allowed to be together during the mehndi, etc. It just seems like it's all for show and to make things difficult.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
yeah.. i don't think there's anything wrong with it. I've seen many done at the masjid where they are sitting on either side of a "curtain/barrier" but say their "i do" and sign the paper almost simultaneously.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
this always happens in our society. they always sign their papers in sep rooms/halls whatever. i dont see any harm in this. ab aisa tou nahi hai ke agar nikkah nahi hua tou larka larki ek doosre ko chipak hi jayein ge. they can sit in sep chairs. as far as i know the main reason is being namehram and sitting together as chips6 said (well they do sit together in mangni, mehendi etc).
one problem i see is that if they are on the same stage then it can make the place very crowdy.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
i dont see there's anything wrong with it.
i know a few couples who had their nikkah performed in this manner.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
Is it possible for both bride and groom to be present together in the hall when the nikkah is read during the shadi? When I got married 6 years ago, it was like I was suggesting something outrageous. Is it still the case?
What is the reasoning against having the couple present in the hall together during the nikkah?
Same with me. Ended up having a lot of arguments about this. And I was only asking to be present in the hall (on the ladies) side, so I could hear the nikkah, rather than being stuck in a room, not knowing what's going on and then just sign and that's it, i'm married. I got my way at the last minute though :p
Seems to me it just comes down to "that's not what we do here" and people don't want to cause a "scandal". The bride just isn't supposed to be seen until she comes in as a married woman.
I'm sure some people do it differently in Pakistan - the same people that manage to have seating plans that guests adhere to and more "westernised" weddings etc etc. Or perhaps if they have a small, private nikkah at home. But for the majority, it's most definitely still like this.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
From a religious point of view I don't see why they shouldn't sit on the stage together if the imam or family members are there, it's not like they're being left **alone **together.. The barrier thing or different rooms seems more cultural (and OTT) to me..
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
o its like this in pakistan i neverknew
we sit with groom...i mean rather its hall...home...registering office or religious places...u sit together but with hijab on ur head...i mean bride wear a white cloth on hairs & sit beside groom just not attached but beside...cuz both bride & groom should present in nikah time...just signs some ppl do seprate but for saying YES & nikah reading both sit together...
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
They could be on opposite sides of the same stage.
And it's so silly when they are allowed to be together during the mehndi, etc. It just seems like it's all for show and to make things difficult.
But in all the weddings I've been to in Pak, the mehndis were totally separate...ie at my cousin's wedding, her in laws came at the function but her husband to be wasn't present...i think that is the norm.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
^I've seen it both ways. We were allowed to sit together at the mehndi (no point in making a show that we haven't seen each other).
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
Same with me. Ended up having a lot of arguments about this. And I was only asking to be present in the hall (on the ladies) side, so I could hear the nikkah, rather than being stuck in a room, not knowing what's going on and then just sign and that's it, i'm married. I got my way at the last minute though :p
Seems to me it just comes down to "that's not what we do here" and people don't want to cause a "scandal". The bride just isn't supposed to be seen until she comes in as a married woman.
I'm sure some people do it differently in Pakistan - the same people that manage to have seating plans that guests adhere to and more "westernised" weddings etc etc. Or perhaps if they have a small, private nikkah at home. But for the majority, it's most definitely still like this.
Yeah, on the day of my shadi and the day or two leading up to it, my nani, father, FIL, brother, etc were all VERY sick. And mine was the last in a long line of weddings. I just gave up after a while.
I think it's silliness.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
From a religious point of view I don't see why they shouldn't sit on the stage together if the imam or family members are there, it's not like they're being left **alone **together.. The barrier thing or different rooms seems more cultural (and OTT) to me..
Absolutely.
And the reasoning that she is too dressed up to appear before everyone unmarried -- how come that doesn't apply to the guests?!?!
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
^I've seen it both ways. We were allowed to sit together at the mehndi (no point in making a show that we haven't seen each other).
No its all about 'making a show that you haven't seen each other', even in your typical love marriages some people opt for seperate mehndi as it generally includes only your side of friends and family thus the event is lot more intimate (informal too perhaps) than the actual wedding day, where everybody naturally comes together and everything is collaborated. Unless the bride and groom are related, I think its okay to have mehndi as a one way affair.
I remember going to a very 'girli' menhdi event, and it was a massive fun may because everybody was so relaxed and casual as there was no signs of inlaws or the groom.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
^ Yeah, I like mehndis like that as well. But that's more about being able to sing, dress, and dance without inhibition. This issue is different tho. It's not about segregation.
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
We had our Nikkah together, Hubby and Me were on the stage together, signed the papers! Maulwi saab read it out loud on the mic and after the Dua’.. Oh my!! the crowd on the stage…
I had a ghoongat at the Nikkah time, took it off later…
Alhumdulilah loved the way our Nikkah was performed 
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
^were you in Pakistan?
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
forget the nikkah (which we really didn;t sit together at all and I told my mom that I have to watch the video to know that yes my husband said yes), what made me angry the most was that for our rukhsati (where we had been nikahfied for almost 2 years) they still didn't let us sit together for mehndi (riwaj nahin hai) and then we didnt even have our professional photoshoot together on rukhsati together (again riwaj nahin hai) but just a few months later, my cousin had all of it together!
I felt like I was put more under pressure just because I went from the US to get married and my mom didn't want anyone to think that I had this "westernized" thinking however the girls who were living in Pakistan were okay to do it.
not tomention when I was talking/laughing during my mehndi with my friends/cousins, one woman told my mom that since I went from the US I was too innocent(being sarcastic) and didn;t know that I had to sit through it silently! sighhhh
Re: Nikkahs in Pakistan
GtG -- I felt similarly uncomfortable as the girl from the West. My wedding was super-traditional in a lot of ways. It was my hijabi cousin who told me to put on make-up and not have a ghoonghat on the mehndi day. :p