Re: NIKKAH QUESTION
tell your sister in law to butt out. its not her wedding, its yours. if the parents dont have an issue with it, and neither you nor your fiance do either, then what is her problem?
tell your fiance to step in and tell his sister, politely but firmly, that BOTH of you would prefer doing it on the mehendi as it is your day and that is how you want it. end of story. if she doesn't like it, thats really too bad, but its not up to her to impose her opinion on you.
has your fiance not spoken to her at all about this?
also, i've been to a nikah in a masjid where the groom was sitting up front with the imam and men, and the women were behind this barrier with the bride. the imam came over with his mike, asked my friend if she did, she said yes. and then he went over to the groom, gave him a bit of a talking to about marriage which was funny, then asked him. he said yes. everyone congratulated everyone else, it was over. the whole other stuff about haq meher and all that was done in private with just the brides parents, the groom and his parents, and the imam.
for my nikkah, both the hubs and i were in the same room with only our closest family and friends, and we sat on either side of the imam. its a really big, really important step that we were taking and there was no way it was going to be segregated. i just feel the whole segregation thing is a bit unnecessary- why hide it like that from the bride/groom? why not let them witness each other's vows? they're going to be marrying each other and spending the rest of their lives together (hopefully), this is the first and most important step- there should be no sharma-o-fying involved in it. its not like they're taking their vows naked!
a friend of mine did that and it was sooo friggin' uncomfortable! they took the bride into a little room with just her parents and did the whole thing in secret, it seemed, and then came out and did with her fiance too. and the poor guy wasn't desi so he was so intimidated and confused and afraid that they would pull back and not let them get married or something. i felt horrible for him!