My nikkah will take place on the same day as the rukhsati. I wanted to know what the proper way of doing it is.
Should I stay in the bridal suite, while my fiance/husband is on stage and the signing of the papers/witnessing the marriage is done and then LATER enter the hall and sit on stage with my husband?
OR
Should me and fiance sit on the stage from the beginning and have EVERTHING done in front of the guests?
Most people say that they do it the first way not the second way. I don’t see what the problem is with the second way either. Just wondering how you guys did yours…
I’ve never seen the girl do her bit on stage!....as far as i no the molvi goes to the girl first gets the kabool bit done! and then the guy does his part on stage. After which they bring the bride out.
Would be interesting to know if any brides have done it differently.
i've seen it both ways. in pak it's nearly always method 1. been to one or two wedding's in the UK where it was method 2.
my nikkah was in pak and segregated and i was really against being some room where i had no idea what was going on and that the ladies would have no idea either.
i begged my dad to get a loudspeaker set up and let me sign in front of the guests (ladies). first he was like 'noooo i can't, that's not what they do here'. but he came through in the end.
first i was sitting in a room with my mum, sis and bro's, accepting my fate that i would have to sign there. then my dad came to ask me about the mahr and disappeared. when he came back he was like, 'ok, we're taking you out'. My mum and dad holding my hands, with siblings behind, waked me to the entrance of the ladies side, where the men left me and i was walked up to the stage by my mum and MIL. i sat there with my mum and sister and other close relatives. eventually, my dad and taia came over to take my sig. then my side got to hear what was happening on the groom's side.
people thought it was unorthadox but the ladies knew a marriage was taking place as they could hear it and had to chup. so, afterwards quite a lot of people said that was really nice. after dinner when all the non-family men had left, we sat together for rings and photos etc!
ok, that's the first time i've told all that. i didn't have my perfect wedding by any stretch of the imagination but the fact that my dad did all he could to let me hear hubby say qabool and the dua made up for everything.
I think for many reasons the second way is better, so that all the witnesses are there to see the couple actually be married. It was really important to my mother that we did ours this way. Unfortunately close-minded Pakistani society would not allow it.
^ but what is it about Pakistani's that doesn't allow the second method? I can't for the life of me figure out WHY they frown upon it? Can someone please explain?
^ but what is it about Pakistani's that doesn't allow the second method? I can't for the life of me figure out WHY they frown upon it? Can someone please explain?
because regardless of what has happened previously or how the couple met, they can't shake the idea that they shouldn't be anywhere near each other before getting married. also, most weddings i've been to in Pak are segregated (i know some aren't, i'm talking about the majority) and everything is done on the groom's side, so the bride stays in room until it's all done.
i think some things are just a bit tooo crazy though. my BIL was having a 3 day event (in a row). now for the mehndi, all they were doing is sitting next to each other, they barely spoke or looked at each other, no physical contact, no dancing, no methai feeding. yet the parents decided they should have the nikkah first so that it doesn't look inappropriate. it's like what the hell! she would marry this guy tomorrow anyway and it's ok for her to be free with her male cousins, so what's the big deal?? in my opinion anyway.
I honestly don't see the big deal about the guy/girl sitting on stage before the kabool part because they'd probably only sit beside each other for what 30-45 mins before they are officially married.
Thanks for explaining stoppit....I'm still bewildered at how incredibly closed minded Pakistani's can be in their thinking. Thank God my family and fiance's family aren't like that.
I also heard because the dulhan is all dressed up and shouldn't come before everyone unmarried. (Ignoring of course all the guests who are done up!)
And also that all the men are on the stage and come to hug the dulha, so the dulhan shouldn't be there. That's just idiotic. You can put them on two separate sides!
USually all the weddings i have seen are done in the first way.
But i have seen 1 done in the second way.
The first was my cousin in pakistan, the girl (my cousin) had her face covered by a red dupatta and sat next to her future husband, the maulvi read out the nikkah stuff to them both so they both understood their rights. They both did their kubool and then they did 'mu dikhai' where a mirror was put under the big red dupatta and the husband and wife looked at eachother before the guests did, he presented her with her gift, and then the girl showed her face and the wedding took off!
I thought it was done very respectfully and fantastically.
That's sounds lovely. I'm going for method one, but ith the arsi musaf (the mirror bit) done in the seperate room first, so that he gets to see me before anyone else (except for my immediate family of course).
I did mine a bit differently. My husband, inlaws and my parents totally left it upto me to decide and since in my family, I had always seen the bride being in a seperate room than the groom, I told them that's what I wanted as well. However, our Imam kept on insisting that we do it together in front of everyone because he didn't want anyone to think I was opressed (????!!!!) but honestly, I was not very comfortable.. it was suppose to be a very personal and intimate moment for us and our family, I only wanted close family and friends around.. and then the reception with everyone else in the ballroom.
Anyhow, after alot of bickering back and forth with the Imam, we found a middle ground- they did my witnessing ceremony with my wali (dad) and two gawahs in the hotel suite, we all then went downstairs to a seperate room where my husband was along with our family members and a couple of close friends. His part of the Nikkah was done there and my dad was asked if I accepted the marriage. Once that was done, everyone started hugging each other and all that, and as for me, I broke down as soon as I was given the papers to sign- man, I was glad I was not on stage because I was bawling my eyes out and holding my husband's hand so tightly while signing the papers, haha, I didn't even let go when he had to sign! After that, we had a procession- the families walked and then I did with my brother and 2 cousins, and then my husband came in and we walked down the aisle together.
My nikkah will take place on the same day as the rukhsati. I wanted to know what the proper way of doing it is.
Should I stay in the bridal suite, while my fiance/husband is on stage and the signing of the papers/witnessing the marriage is done and then LATER enter the hall and sit on stage with my husband?
OR
Should me and fiance sit on the stage from the beginning and have EVERTHING done in front of the guests?
Most people say that they do it the first way not the second way. I don't see what the problem is with the second way either. Just wondering how you guys did yours...
In situations where the nikkah is the same day as the baraat, its done in teh first way
usually the second way is done when the nikkah is the only function, and baraat/rukhsati will be in a few months/years...
Mine was pretty typical, we were together on the mehndi and as far as I know noone had an issue with it, the next day on teh baraat i was in my room, my dad/uncle/mom/brother came to get my permission (along with the fotog/videog :D), and then i came out.
I zoned out during the imam's speech.
Just do it the second way...it's not like u and the groom haven't seen each other before :)
Personally I'd like to be there together with him. Don't you want to see each other during such a special moment?
But if you feel uncomfortable doing it together in front of hundreds of guests then you can do what one of my friends did. She had the nikah done a little bit before the baraat/reception with just her close family and friends there in a separate room before most of the guests arrived. And then her and her husband walked out together. And that way the guests don't really have to sit thru 45 minutes of the nikah either.
we had ours together and in front of everyone. i think its silly to separate two people who've probably been engaged for a while and have already hung out with each other, and more than that, are pledging to spend the rest of their lives together. SRSLY. they've already decided, there's no running away then, so what is the big deal about sitting on stage side by side when they make THE most important promise they'll ever make to another human! ridiculous.
we had ours together and in front of everyone. i think its silly to separate two people who've probably been engaged for a while and have already hung out with each other, and more than that, are pledging to spend the rest of their lives together. SRSLY. they've already decided, there's no running away then, so what is the big deal about sitting on stage side by side when they make THE most important promise they'll ever make to another human! ridiculous.
completely agree.
i really wanted mine like this. i think if i had got married in the UK i would have got my way. no way in Pak though. but then, i wouldn't have had a segregated event here either.
And that way the guests don't really have to sit thru 45 minutes of the nikah either.
That's an unfortunate attitude. The nikkah is technically the main event...the whole point of those 1-2 weeks of prewedding festivities. If the guests can sit through 2 hours of poorly choreographed bollywood dances by all your cousins and friends at the mehndi, I think they can sit through your 20 minute long ceremony.
Also...45 mins for a nikkah? In my experience its a 10-15 khutbah and a 5 minute ceremony...
^ I agree. I really don't like it when couples do the nikkah earlier. I guess I understand the desire for something more intimate, but I feel that one of the important parts of being a guest at a wedding is to witness this important event for the couple. I usually get teary-eyed :D.
Also, another reason I've heard some women prefer to do the nikkah separately from the man is so that they make a big entrance as newly married. That never appealed to me, but I suppose it's important for others.
