Nikkah contract

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Nikkah contract

I wouldn't expect sister in law to help. . it'd be nice if she did but if she didn't, i would have no ill will towards her or anything like that. I would expect my brother to help as they are his parents too.

22

Re: Nikkah contract

Actually, i think women do have the right to divorce in islam. . it's just far more complicated.

Also, i don't think anyone is suggesting him not being allowed to visit his parents. They're just saying they don't want to live with the inlaws and i see nothing wrong with that and that in no way says that they don't want him to visit. And, you are right, people do interfere but that can easily be handled if both people are mature enough to realize that they ultimately need to protect that marriage from unwanted interference.

Don't know what to make of Tehreek-i-Insaf?
23

Re: Nikkah contract

Actually, no women dont but u can probe by openning a thread in Religion forum.

If you say that u want to put in nikahnama that you dont want to live with ur in-laws then there can be retaliation too, lets face it if u want to have it on piece of paper with signatures then obviously other party can put things in retaliation. Dont u think so?

On the other hand, we also have a term "Ghar Jawaee". So its not everything that goes in nikahnama, somethings can be settled out of it.

24

Re: Nikkah contract

wouldn’t this be sorta like having a pre-nup…? only your taking about what you want in the marriage…not what you want after? :cb:

25

Re: Nikkah contract

Najim r u talking about Khula? If i remember correctly, a woman does have hte right to divorce, but she has to return her haq meher.. ill hav to double check :)

26

Re: Nikkah contract

Actually women do have the right to initiate divorce in Islam - it's called khula, and there are several restrictions on it, including that unless she has been abused, the mehr must be returned. It requires going before a Qadi in most cases to have it granted. A woman may request the right of khula in her contract for any reason, such as being unhappy in the marriage, and if the man signs it, it is totally enforceable. It's a fairly common clause in the Gulf states, where there is less stigma on a divorced woman.

If you don't want to live in the same home as your in-laws, it should be stated clearly in the contract, as that is the only way to guarantee said right. Muslim women are entitled to separate housing, and insisting on this right should not be looked on as a bad thing. Just because a woman doesn't want to live with her in-laws during her early marriage certainly doesn't mean that she won't help care for them later. Men need to step up to the plate and start studying Islam instead of South Asian culture. If you and your families actually understood the rights that Islam has given to women, we wouldn't have to spell it out in our contracts - it would be understood.

27

Re: Nikkah contract

^ What happens if the men refuse to sign the khula?

Does the qazi annul the marriage then?

Another thing, I know you are supposed to give mehr to your wife if you divorce her. But what if she is a bad character and does things behind your back that are not permissable in marriage? :-|

28

Re: Nikkah contract

Khula was what i was referring to. I'm fairly certain it exists.
And, if i wanted to put a clause in my nikahnama that i didn't want to live with inlaws then he can also put one in there saying he didn't want to live with inlaws. That is perfectly fine with me seeing as how i wouldn't want to live with either set of parents. The retaliation to that shouldn't be oh you cannot see your parents.

29

Re: Nikkah contract

It is my understanding that if he signed the nikkah contract giving her the right of khul, then his refusal wouldn't matter. A Qadi could issue a divorce as well.

I am not sure about giving the mehr in the event that she is of a bad character - but my guess would be that you would still have to pay it, in compensation for the years that she spent with you and as a protection to her.

I don't think that there's a set ruling on this, most likely it goes on a case by case basis, otherwise any man could accuse his wife of lewd acts to try to have the mehr set aside.

30

Re: Nikkah contract

Agreed - living with the man's parents is not fulfilling the rights of either the man or the parents - it's an 'extra' only. However, visiting both sets of parents is not an 'extra' it's a right, and would probably border on the haraam, since it would involve not respecting and honoring parents. This would make such a contract void.

Desi Miss Manners.
31

Re: Nikkah contract

You girls mean to say that the parents should take care of themselves as they grow old and older while you and your siblings should visit them from time to time. Very nice ladies. Why not start sending them to old age house as soon as you get married.

32

Re: Nikkah contract

No one is saying that the parents will live alone when they are unable to care for themselves. At that time, arrangements can be made and parents can decide where they would be most comfortable. In many cases, parents are still middle-aged when the marriage takes place, and perfectly able of caring for themselves. What about having separate apartments in the same building, or a house with a guesthouse?

There is a big difference between your parents moving in with you and a girl moving into a joint household where the girl is pretty much at the bottom of the chain. And will you welcome your wife's parents as you would welcome your own - after all, she has an equal responsibility to care for her parents.

33

Re: Nikkah contract

^ Amana do u have a 20-something yr old son? :(

34

Re: Nikkah contract

you can literally have molvi sahib add it in :~) - seriously

Next Desi Manners question.
35

Re: Nikkah contract

Yes, you figured it out. That’s exactly what we meant :rolleyes:

36

Re: Nikkah contract

My son is 14, and I have no expectation that he will live with his father and I directly after marriage. However, I have raised him to know his responsibilities and expect that he will help his sisters care for us when we are elderly. We have tried to be financially responsible during our lifetime so that we will not be a financial burden on anyone :) I've seen waay too many parents expecting too much financially from kids who are only just out of college and getting started with life. It's too much to expect kids who are having and raising kids to be supporting everyone in grand style. That said, it is an honorable thing to take over financial responsibilty for your parents, but sons shouldn't be viewed as a cash cow, either.

You know, in Malaysian culture, the boy lives with the girls family - I wonder how many guys on this forum would be lining up for that :)

37

Re: Nikkah contract

they'd either run a mile
or say thanks very much

38

Re: Nikkah contract

I vish there were more aunties who thot like you :teary2:

Don't know what to make of Tehreek-i-Insaf?
39

Re: Nikkah contract

It's because I'm not a desi aunty dear :) When you are looking at a situation from the outside it's easier to be objective.

40

Re: Nikkah contract

Ok! Lets develope a scenario here.

Heer gets married to Ranjha. Heer/Ranjha leaves Ranjha's parents to live seperatly.

Heer's brother Punu gets married to Sassi and they leave Heer's/Punu's parents to live seperately.

Heer's/Punu's parents are middle aged so they live alone. Their kids visit them from time to time.

Same is the case with Rahnja's and Sassi's.

Time passes and Heer's/Punu's parents grow old. They need someone to take care of them. Heer's sister-in-law Sassi turns out to be a total bi%ch and she does not want to take care of his husband's parents. Heer's wants to take care of her parents but Ranjha's parents are now very old as well and he wants to take care of them as well........

Lets see how you take forward the story.