Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Hey everyone,

This is something I’ve always wondered, and I thought I’d throw it out there. I only know a few people that actually had their Nikkah done before Rukhsati, and in all those cases, the Nikkah being done was treated just like an engagement. I found this was often because the marriage was arranged and the couple needed time to get to know each other freely.

However, is a couple that has had their nikkah done allowed to be intimate before their rukhsati? I know that Islamically, once a couple has their nikkah they are married, and can technically benefit from everything married life offers. But culturally speaking, it seems to be very taboo - why is this the case? I feel like a benefit of having nikkah done early is so that the couple can enjoy each other and not sin, even though they may not be ready to actually have rukhsati and move in together (whether that be for financial or educational reasons, for example).

And by this question I don’t mean just intimacy. I mean like, travelling together for example. Although I want to get married to my fiance, it doesn’t seem like it can happen anytime soon because his family is going through a lot right now and we cannot have a wedding or have rukhsati anytime soon. However, one of the biggest things I’m looking forward to is travelling - both my fiance and I travel many times a year (separately) and one thing we desperately want is to travel together. It’s frustrating to have to wait until marriage and rukhsati to be able to enjoy these things together. If it was okay to have nikkah, and thus be able to do this together and share more of our lives together, I would be totally in for that, but I know his family will find this totally taboo.

Again, I just find it weird that culture prohibits that which Islam permits with Nikkah!

What are your thoughts on this?

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

**i did NOT read the whole thing. i think u r asking if it's ok to have intimate relationship with your husband after you have been nikahofied but not yet ruKhsatified....my answer is: Islamically, the only condition required to have any intimate relattionship between a man and a woman is nikaah...ruKhsati is a cultural thing and nothing to do with Islam.

no one must stop you. you have all the rights in the world to go ahead. Good Luck and a happy properous married life.**

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

No, it is not appropriate to do thing together after nikkah and before rukhsati. Why dont you go with simple wedding so you could have both thing together and then no one can point finger at you.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

Thanks for your reply. Yes I know that Islamically it's allowed, but I was wondering why it's so taboo culturally.

Why though? After nikkah technically it's permissible. I cannot have a simple wedding, or any wedding right now, because I can't have rukhsati right now. His family is dealing with a serious illness in the family, so their attention is on that at the moment. We cannot do rukhsati right now, which is why I'm wondering why it isn't just enough for us to do nikkah at the moment.
**

And just note, that I'm not some deprived girl asking this question for the intimacy reason, it's moreso in the sense of going away together, travelling (which is also generally forbidden before rukhsati, just like the intimacy thing, for obvious reasons because the two are related).

**Actually, now I remember one instance of a couple that had their nikkah done and they went to stay in a hotel room that night, even though they aren't having rukhsati for another 2 years because they are still studying. And they went to the USA with their cousins on a 2 week road trip and yes they stayed in the same hotel room together. However this is the only case I've ever heard of like this.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

sure its fine to do whatever you guys what after nikkah provided you keep it on the low and no-one finds out .... and don't get pregnant till after the rukhsati to avoid family getting upset.... But since silly customs of the culture exist and your family expects you to follow them ...... what they dont know won't hurt them so go for it !

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?


shear stupidity...what else!...this is a Hindu tradition where couples were married even in their infancy...and they had to wait for their "gowna" [ruKhsatii] for any conjugal rights.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

Interesting..that makes sense!

And yes Shabnaam, the pregnancy part is the major risk I see. But if you do what you can to avoid that, then it should be okay. Then all the rest is up to Allah!

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

*To answer your question, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING INTIMATE RELATIONS AFTER YOU'VE HAD A NIKAH AND BEFORE RUKHSATI according to Islam. You can travel the world alone together if you want to after Nikah and in Allah's eyes you are not sinning or doing anything wrong. The whole point of a Nikah is to make a man and woman halal for each other. You are HUSBAND AND WIFE. *

As others have mentioned, however, because we're not only Muslim but are also Indian/Pakistani we have to sometimes value and respect our cultural values as well as our religious ones. Sometimes these cultural values are bizarre and make Islam more difficult than it is and that's when you have to decide how important it is to you and your family to abide by those cultural standards. Ruksathi being one of them.

Islam is meant to be a simple religion that we humans make difficult by bringing culture and our worldly desires in to it. I'm no scholar, but if you cannot have a wedding/ruskathi right now and really want to be together then don't torture yourself like this and go for the Nikah :) You 2 will be halal for each other and can take the relationship as far as you want. Then you can have a wedding/ruksathi as you see fit or when it's more convenient for your fiance's family, since these are all cultural/duniya-dari things that we've made up anyway. Of course, it's best to "live together" and have a "ruksathi" as soon as possible after the Nikah or on the day of the Nikah as most scholars would recommend(for practical reasons), but no where in Islam does it say you have to move in with the man at a particular time. There are no deadlines and time limits.

Of course, as the above posts mentioned, avoiding pregnancy and being respectful of family members who want to uphold the value of Ruksathi should be a goal. Keep it on the down low and be smart about it if you know it'll cause problems if his family finds out. This way you're not lying about it to anyone b/c you don't have to bring it up with anyone in your family if you don't want to. Essentially, in the end you're make it easier for you and him and keeping your parents and families happy too by having a proper wedding celebration/ruksathi that is convenient for both families. And you're having a Nikah sooner, which is definitely encouraged in Islam. It's win-win. Once you've had a Nikah it's between you, your spouse, and Allah. As long as you and your fiance are on the same page about this, y'all should be fine. :)

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

This is a side note, but for all the people who bash the concept of a Ruksathi and are so quick to call it a "Hindu cultural tradition" need to slow down and realize Hinduism is a religion, not a culture. Big Difference. Yes, the people of the Indian Subcontinent share a lot of cultural similarities, and yes, both Hindus and Muslim live in the Indian Subcontinent so they're bound to have similar 'cultural traditions'. When the cultural traditions contradict Islamic values or overshadow them, that's considered wrong for us Muslims and that's where we should draw the line. However, we need to realize that back in the Prophet's(pbuh) era there were a lot of cultural practices of Arabia that Muslims practiced because it was a part of who they were and had to with their geographical surroundings and customs. That does not mean all of those cultural practices of Arabia from that time are "Islamic cultural traditions" and that we should follow them all today. Their dress was different, their food was different, the way they celebrated was different, they way they mourned was different, their sports were different, etc. That does not mean we are bad Muslims b/c we are not following "Arab culture" from that era. Of course, there are several "cultural" aspects and the way the Prophet(pbuh) lived his life which overlap with religion called Hadith. But, just b/c we don't practice Arab culture in our daily lives doesn't make us bad Muslims. Similarly, following cultural customs based on where we live or parents lived(India/Pakistani) isn't always wrong either.
What's interesting to note is that even in the Arab world there is an equivalent of a Ruksathi where the bride's family gives her away to the groom. I forgot what the exact term is called(maybe someone can look it up), but an Islamic scholar wrote an article about this that I read. Once again, that is a CULTURAL event though, that one can choose to have or not have. It has no binding to Islam.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

Well said GroomDoc!

I know two people that got married and only did a Nikkah... no rukhsati, parties, etc (yes, it does happen)... so are they forbidden from living together and travelling together? I think not.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

I think it has a lot to do with girl being parents responsibility since she isnt living with husband yet , post rukhsati naturally she is living with husband. Now if while under her care she gets preggers, even if it is by the husband, society would wonder what sorta parents allow intimate relations to happen under their care. Since this can only happen in one of two situations:

Either the husband comes over to girls house and it happens there, in which case society will definitely point fingers
Or the girl and boy go out somewhere and do it elsewhere.

The girl is the parents responsibility. Now, one can either be careful abt intimacy, or one can do a simple rukhsati, or one can be completely chaste and wait.

Its the pregnancy issue which annoys most.
Plus unfortunately most Nikahs before rukhsatis are even treated as engagement periods (NOT saying it is right) and many break before rukhsati too. From that viewpoint as well, people would like the girl's rep to remain absolutely above reproach throughout.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

RP: Islamically, you will husband and wife. but there are some issues therefore you came here to discuss in life 1. :faizy:

in our culture, we dont take religion 100% and that is why you are hanging between culture and religion.

it should be your call to take the advantage of religion, then go with it and follow every bits and details of it, make sure you will not going to allow cultural thing in your wedding.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

I see ppl advising u to go for nikah n keep in on the down low. that’s fine but what about when ur families do tell u to get married? u will have to tell them y u dont ant a nikkah as thts pretty much the central part of event …or u will have a double nikah.As in have the nikah again. :confused:

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

Yeah I would never do nikkah in secret without family knowing.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?


nikaah in secrecy is NOT valid in Islam...also, girls need their parents' permission to get married. If parents are Islamically unreasonable then girls do NOT require their permission.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

^ and do they not need the guy's parents permission? and could you pls elaborate on parents being Islamically unreasonable? Just the girl's or the guy's as well?

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

I don't think a baaligh girl needs a parent's permission to have a nikaah.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

My thoughts are that if your family is one that follows more of the cultural traditions, you may just want to stick with them to avoid bad taste. However, if they are willing to listen and change, you may want to educate them about the differences.

In Islam, after nikaah, a husband and wife can sleep together and make babies. So what's with traveling together?

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?

you have all life to be intimate with ur partner... whats the rush?... enjoy the single-hood, while u have!.... coz what I have seen is that... couples who go out together a lot, (nikhafied or not) end up fighting a lot after they are actually together.

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Re: Nikkah before Rukhsati - Intimacy allowed?


it's about the girls ONLY!...islamically unreasonable means...the basic Islamic requirement is that the guy must be a Muslim that he does NOT have more than 4 wives, he is able to provide for his family and that he does NOT do anything against Islamic Haraam things...if he does...the parents have the right to refuse under Islamic jurisprudence. under these circumstances, girl can NOT marry until father gives permission and if she violates that under the law of land then she is sinning and guilty of NOT listening to parents.