Faisal bhai Islam mein there’s no concept of fiance and fiancee is there?
And I think you should be able to meet different guys who send you proposals with chaperones or even alone (in public places only though) without getting engaged to them. From my understanding this much is allowed Islamically.
The whole “getting to know” thing is relative. How much are you going to “get to know” the other person? Can you really “get to know” a person that much? Most people from our parent’s generations, in fact many of my cousins, got married without even ever seeing the guy or the girl, some did not even see pictures. So it all really depends on the culture as well where the people belong to. However these people knew that they HAD to spend their lives with the person they got married to, and so they did, and many of them are happy mashallah. So it really depends on your mindset and what attitude you’re coming into the relationship with, whether you perceive it as breakable or unbreakable.
Getting married without even seeing the person, and never having talked to them....? I know it happens. I am just not convinced thats a good way to decide.
Yeah, so parents etc would have looked on your behalf, but unless you are a clone of your parents, it just makes sense to have it as YOUR decision. Putting it all on parents is perhaps one way people avoid taking responsibility later on, and blame it all on their parents when the marriage goes sour.
Whether you get engaged or not, or you just go around meeting serious candidates for marriage, its all fine. Its upto you and the values you hold dear.
Engagements carry far less emotional baggage than a Nikah and less of a mess too. I know of quite a few people who have broken off engagements and have easily moved on with their lives.
Faisal bhai definitely not a good way to decide. I mean specially not for people who do otherwise interact with na-mehrams, if they're doing it already then might as well meet the guy they're going to get married to! But I guess in some parts of our country people are still practicing this, my own first cousin got married in this manner less than 5 years ago.
Islamically though you should know the person you're supposed to get married to somewhat.
And you are definitely right, it is about the values you hold dear. :)
Rb hmmm true yaar, they do carry less emotional baggage. I know people who've broken off engagements, some easily moved on (got re-engaged real soon) while for some it was an ordeal, but I think its still such a negative experience and how can one, anyone, just simply move on? I'm sure like any bad experience it leaves a black dot somewhere in your emotional psyche, and given the nature of such relationships its prolly going to leave a deep mark I THINK. I don't think its healthy for someone to go through such an experience.
*Ab zaroori tau nahi na, ke jiss se engagement ho forann uss ke piyaar mein doob hi jayein. *:rotato: Just kiddin’. Stuff happens. I have seen people getting totally devastated just by rejection of proposal, and some people coming our relatively scratch-free from a year of marriage.
^ I beg to differ. I think you learn from your experiences. A person grows after going through a sour relationship. Most engagements that I have seen broken off tend to be either arranged or have too many relatives spoiling it for the couple. I think both the guy and girl learn about who they will be compatible with after a broken engagement. It might seem like the most horrendous thing ever, but in the long run it becomes a good learning experience.
There is this one guy I knew, who saw a very pretty girl at a bar and said “hi” to her. She didn’t respond back. *Becharay ka dil hi toot giya. *He was so hurt. So, yes, you have a good point. It must hurt.
Ok pyarey bacho, tou discussion ka nateeja yeh nikla
Rukhsati and Engagement are cultural things. Nikah is the only Islamic thing. Islam encourages boys and girls to meet each other before they get married BUT in the presence of a Mehram, not alone. People have engagements so that they can stop other proposals but under no circumstances does that mean that the boy and the girl are free to meet and socialize. They still need the mehram when they meet. The only time when they can meet, talk, consummate the marriage, and all that is AFTER they Nikah. So, as soon as the nikah is done, move in and both are halal for each other. If you can’t afford to live together, then don’t do the nikah. It’s better not to do nikah than do it and be seperated. Ofcourse exceptions such as Visa procedures do apply. But the proper way is to do nikah only when you are financially stable. Larka ya larki kahin nahi bhaagey jaa rahey, they can wait.
Pata tou tha samdhan jee, aakhir betey ka rishta kiya hai aapki beti sey Lekin mein dekhna chahta tha k doosrey log iss stupidity k baarey mein kia raaey rakhtey hain :halo: Stupidity boley tou, Nikah kar dena lekin saath nahi rah saktey. Arey bahi, agar saath nahi rah saktey tou nikah kisi ney zabardasti karwaya hai kia, thora intizaar kar letey :bash:
That’s the way it’s done in my family in pak… This jan my cousin got married after a quick two month engagement. the day of the barat, she was upstairs in her room, and the guy n his family came, and she asked me “woh pyara hai?” I was like ..like u jump into such a huge commitment, agreeing to marry him and u dont even have the faintest idea if he’s good looking??? `
So, yes, you have a good point. It must hurt.
!!! not funny 
Lekin mein dekhna chahta tha k doosrey log iss stupidity k baarey mein kia raaey rakhtey hain :halo: Stupidity boley tou, Nikah kar dena lekin saath nahi rah saktey. Arey bahi, agar saath nahi rah saktey tou nikah kisi ney zabardasti karwaya hai kia, thora intizaar kar letey :bash:
..like u jump into such a huge commitment, agreeing to marry him and u dont even have the faintest idea if he’s good looking??? 
`