Nikah only or Ruksati

[PyariCgudia]

@MIAinVA

When I got married, my husband was scheduled to come back to USA after 2 months, he was on an H1 visa … he applied for my H4, we got it within 20 days. Then he goes to me “you stay here and come join me after 6 months, let me sort out some financial stuff and get a nice apartment” (he was renting with roomies). I took a stand, said no way… we go together and I help you do all that and my FIL supported me.

I’m glad I came with him, it was because of me that he switched jobs and took up an opportunity with an American company, instead of working with the 2-person desi company where he was being taken for a ride. He says he would have continued with them if I hadn’t been with him, as he didn’t need Health insurance but with me along, he needed health insurance so he switched.

Sure we were living in a 1-bedroom apt in a not-so-great (it was safe though) neighborhood and couldn’t afford designer clothes but we were happy. His career grew really well and yes, we did sort of struggle for 2 years (if you call being frugal struggle), but mashaAllah after 5 years we both have stable well-paid jobs, we have our own home with a lovely backyard and we have happy memories of our struggle wali life. I wouldn’t do it any other way… there’s no way he would recognize my strengths or I would recognize his if it wasn’t for that period… and thats why we have grown to love each other and have a partnership instead of a typical arranged desi marriage.

Similar story with my parents. Building a future together as oppose to HIM BUILDING THE FUTURE, and then she just moving in after it was built (which is the way Firenze advocates), actually brings you closer together.

There’s nothing BAD about facing some tough financial times with your partner by your side. When they don’t want to be by your side during this time period, you know they’re not going to stand by your side later in the event of financial ruin. And how many desi girls these days are taking up the fashion of leaving their husbands when their husbands go into a financial mess?