Nikah only or Ruksati

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How many people think having Nikah first and then ruksati after a few months is a better idea then Ruksati at the same time. I had Nikah in 2005 and my ruksati was in 2008 not to mention he was in pakistan and i was in u.s finishing my studies. After being away for such a long time I find this idea of having a nikah and not ruksati leaves you feeling very empty specially if you are so far away from each other. What do you all think? if given the option would you go for nikah first or ruksati as well the same day??

ofcourse one good thing that came out of it was that my husband learned how to communicate since our communication method was phone so now he has no problem carrying long conversations with me :)..since he was not the type to be very social and talkative.

2

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

I think at the most 1 month difference is enough .

3

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

If we didn't have a gap between nikkah and rukhsati time, we would be divorced by now.. we had so many differences, so many issues, we communicated, made an effort to work on our marriage, gave each otehr break as needed and it wouldn't be possible if we had started living together right away.. we needed time to get to know each other so it was just perfect...It worked for us, it may not work for everyone. :-)

4

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

:eek: 3 years is a long time… maybe 6 months at the most.
Waisay IMHO Rukhsati should be immediate with nikkah unless paperwork, etc. wala chakkar ho.

5

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

totally agree.. i would be okay with having a 6 months to almost a year even difference but i thnk 3 years is too much time.. but sometimes it does work specially if you are having an arranged marriage.. gives you time to get to knoow your better half!

6

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

I totally fail to understand the logic behind nikkah and rukhsati separately. unless there is some legal problem/issue (like immigration filing etc)

7

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

i think it depends on teh situation ... i kno a frnd of mine has been nikahed for a while cuz they did phone nikah just so they can get the papers in and he'll go to pakistan whn the paper work is done and get a proper shadi and everything done and bring his wife here ... so i think in his case its hte better alternative ... but yeah i'm not a big fan of just gettin the nikah done and then waiting on it ... might as well do everything at the same time

8

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

I had nikkah only, no rukhsati period. It was good. We are adults; I didn't need to be 'sent off' from one protector to another. Got married, end of.

9

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

my nikah took 6 months before the wedding n its good to have sum time............ in my case v got better understanding of each other else my evil MIL would have definetly ended our engagement but it was my huby who took stand n v got married..............

10

aww why is that.. MIL trying to break engagements or nikah. you were lucky that your husband took stand at that time because some pakistani men are not capable of standing up to their mother's I thnk!

11

I had my nikkah last month, and the the rukhsati is schedule in a year time frame... why?

well, we don't have any papers problem, so my point was look darling, we know each other from couple of years as a friend... but now we are nikkahfied,,, lets give both of us some time to figure out the problems/goals... etc..etc.

so we come up with the list:

1) We will have marriage in Pakistan and we will permanently move back, the issue of the certain problems in Pakistan does come up (security, bijli, people. .and blah blah) - but we both agree at this age and situation we can take risk and it will not very effect our life's even if we have to move back to west after 6 months or a year.

2) Even though Alhumdolillah money is not a problem for both of us, but still we made a goal to save up to certain limit for any eventuality in the life - the goal is save this much amount put in no-risk savings and forget about it.

3) Differences between each other thinking/mentality & handling of issues - we have a one year time frame to change some of our habits which are not look fine to each of us.

4) Build a home, as of now it look's like the goal will be reached by the yead end.

5) Business, get help from dad or start helping dad in his business (textiles)

Probably some of you think i am probing too much into new life, but well after looking around i think in every couple life their are three important things for which they spend rest of their life:

1) Stable Income (employment or business)
2) Home
3) an understandable loving/caring wife or the other way around !

well if i can take care of money & roof earlier ... then i have full time to take care of third !

12

my mil biggest problem is that she cant share his sons she wants them to be his sons only not hubies to anyone she had already broken 2 engagements of my huby's elder bro n he is still unmarried................ thnk God my huby was there who insisted for wedding.............n if v didnt had nikah before the circumstances must have been different...........

13

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

I'm thinking of doing rukhsati then nikkah... what say?

14

With all these details and requirements, why didn't you do 'nikah only' right after birth?

15

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

People should get nikah first and then wait and plan for their shoe size get bigger, dresses tailored, house built, education finished, grow their bank balance, MIL/FIL die natural death..... before they get rukhsati!

16

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

For those of you who had time "to get to know each other better" and to "hammer out differences" between the nikkah and Rukhsati, what would have happened if you realized there was no solution...this person is NOT someone you can live with?

Then you've ended up DIVORCED without consummating the marriage, and like anyone is really going to believe you that you were married and had not consummated the marriage. Now you're a used item in the market and getting another rishtaa will be harder.

Why would you even risk that? If you're going to sign a nikkahnama, that contract doesn't substitute an ENGAGEMENT. It is the actual WEDDING CONTRACT. Rukhsati isn't even a muslim concept. You have the nikkah and then you're done - now you are responsible for that person.

So why would you sign a nikkahnama without totally being sure you can work things out? That seems like a total waste to me.

It's nothing more than a legal license to date for families that are uncomfortable allowing their kids to get to know each other properly before marrying. If they are talking, and they are under a nikkah, then the community can't say jack.

It just hurts you in the end in the event things don't work out...you end up being a divorcee when you didn't even have a chance to really be married.

17

So she can't be living with you and by your side when you're working on all this? Then what's the point of being in a marriage in the first place? Your best times and memories are when you're own the road to stabalizing yourself. At this rate, your wife's rukhsati is going to happen in the next 10 years. Good luck.

18

Re: Nikah only or Ruksati

Although I dont know what to believe when it comes to Firenze. He’s posting rishtaa ads in the rishtaa forum while he says he’s been nikkahfied months ago.

:rolleyes:

19

word.

this whole nikkah before rukhsati deal is a farce to create a false sense of security

a wise man once said, be in it to win it or don't play at all

20

so it’s a game? :sigh: