Nightmare In-laws

Lifestyle Relationships
21

don’t you like it sara? :halo:

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Re: Nightmare In-laws

I don't know about other people but if someone treats my parents like that. I would walk away. No one has the right to mistreat our parents. Not even us. This is just the beginning agay agay pata chalay ga kaise log hain. You're not even married yet and they are being silly. What's going to happen next? On the other hand, i'd like to mention how hard it is for parents to accept that their children are not kids anymore. They find it extrememly difficult to let go. It may take months or years before they can accept that their son is not a kid anymore.

23

Re: Nightmare In-laws

Yeah I would not let anyone be rude to my parents. If that's how it will be, I would rather end it now than live a miserable life. You know some people say things get better after marriage, but they can get worse too since the in-laws further abuse their authority over you. They think oh now she's married so she can't do much so we can go ahead and do whatever we like. I know many people say if the guy loves you, ignore the rest but that's so hard! How can you ignore your husband's family's rudeness? Of course it will affect you and strain your marriage.

It's really really really important for your fiance to mediate and put an end to this once and for all. All the best hun!!!

24

Re: Nightmare In-laws

THIS is why kids shouldn't go out and do "love" marriages if they think their parents will not like it.. will only result in hell for everyone, not to mention unfair to the new bride/groom! :o

25

But i also know of so many families where the mother has choosen a girl for her son herself, with the son not being 2 keen on it Only for the son to be a great husband and the mother in law making the girl's life a complete hell.

26

just go slap ur MIL put her back in her place and show her who’s boss! :snooty:

27

sana i feel really bad for u..but such times do come in our lives and then we have to take a firm stand ...mine was also a love marriage but issues were raised a lot...and i loved the guy but at the same time i left everything to my parents that if u say yes then ok i wud do it else no way...bcz our parents r more experienced...what they see we can't...

in ur case...ur fiance sounds to be like still a baby for his mother ...and such guys don't grow up even after marriage...believe me...if he is not handling his parents now he won't do it later as well...so u dont need to immediately withdraw....ask ur mom to call ur MIL and ask her why r u doing this all? have we done anything which u don't like then simply say to us...
remember this relationship is not with ur husband only ..its between 2 families...ur parents brought u up..did all the things for u and now only for a guy u r bearing all the insult for ur parents...not right...

ask ur mom call her and ask her decently,nicely...tell whats the problem...even if she doesn't sound good or blames ur parents for nothing ..then it wouldn't be good in future as well...its better to withdraw dear...its not the end of ur life...

there is a mistake at ur aprents end as well..the first time ur in-laws talked to them badly they should have not been quiet...i am not saying that apk parents ussk sath burra boltay ya krtay but at least aram say baat kr k b musla hul shoukta hai...so just do it...ager abi stand nai logi to u wud suffer ur whole life...

Timepass April 2013
28

Re: Nightmare In-laws

Hey Sana, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, mother in laws are usualy very possessive about thier sons, it can be quite sickening! But sweetie you fiancee HAS to and SHOULD stand up for you, infront of his parents and Islamically speaking, they have to respect his chocie if they dont, well thier doing Gunaah (tell your fiancee to bring up islam and how inappropriate they are) A man has the right to chose a wife, without even consulting his parents, the parents have to respect his wishs regardless of their personal opnion, because event ho it is great to have your parents support, it is not neccassary for a man. For a woman, we need a wali, a witness.

Tell your fiancee to stand up and be adamant, I know a couple who went thur the same thing, the MIL refused to come to the wedding, so the son told them thats fine and he didnt need them, they eventually did come to the wedding, but they didnt have a big valima etc, the guys mom wanted her son to marry some cousin in pakistan, but he completely refused etc. Now their Happily Married Mashallah! So screw the MIL, tell your fiancee to sit and explain the situation and that their gonna loose thier son if they dont straighten up, and its wrong of them etc if they dont listen and start screaming and emotional blackmail, then he should or if he wants too just walk out on them for a few days and theyll be fine. Inshallah.

Timepass April 2013
29

Re: Nightmare In-laws

Sana ,
I’m really sorry. My marriage to my husband was a love marriage. Right from the begining , when my husband told hisparesnts that we wanted to get married they refused and said they would disown him. Well we got married any way…I was young and naive…I lived in hell for the first few months…my mother in law hates me…you’re lucky you dont have to live with them…I had to the first few months…it was a living hell…my mother in law would treat me really bad when my husband was out and even when he was home..but it was worse when he was out…I didnt get any wedding dress, or anything…anyway…she even told me to my face that she didnt know what her handsome son saw in me…she said I was fat and ugly and that her son could have done so much better…she threw fits when my husband would buy me someething …she fired all her maids and had me do all the work..naive stupid me did it too…finally my husband had the balls to stand up to her and say something…mind you all this time I was polite, never said anything to her even when she shouted a me…oh and when i first met her she said I was a stupid uneducated mexican…thats why she doesnt like me…anyway my husband has minimal contact with them because they are just really rude to him…we’ve been married for twelve years now.

This is us on our tenth (I think lol) aniversary, and I’ve got to say we’re more in love than ever.

Timepass April 2013
Timepass April 2013
30

Re: Nightmare In-laws

^ aww that's cute! :)

I think if the guy shows NO BACKBONE right now, and would not stand up for you - then it's not worth marring. You will never forgive his parents for insulting yours. You will never respect them the same. If your fiance is not neutral towards this situation then I say PACK UP and make your parents proud. Cause your parents will always have to live with head down in front of your in-laws cause they feel their daughter is in their home.

So girl - forget love if he does not side the person who is right!

31

Re: Nightmare In-laws

wow, thanks everyone for your advice and support.....

hopefully if i continue to be nice to them but keep a safe distance than i can live in happiness inshallah with future husband. when it is just him and me things are just wonderful. i just need to learn how to not take my frustration out on him... i know i am putting a lot of pressure on him about his family's behaviour/demands etc.

im just scared at being at the mercy of another family. hopefully he will protect me!!

Anyways Thanks to everyone for support once again
pray for me
xxx

32

Re: Nightmare In-laws

aww i feel so bad for you sana! similar case happened with my sister but all went well because her husband was supportive! and if this guy keeps saying he cant do anything you should give up sweetie! nothing is more important than your parent's respect. i would bang the heads of my in laws if they did sly talk with my parents . i know its really hurting but dont be oppressed because your parents are going to hand them over their daughter and you are worth complaining about their rude behavior ! i pray things get better for you. and yes istakhara is the best option.

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Re: Nightmare In-laws

hey guys ... i tell u its very risky.

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Re: Nightmare In-laws

^thanks for telling us. :p

35

Re: Nightmare In-laws

you shld think bout it again.. it is really imp u tlk to ur hubby n cum up with a solution now instead of waiting . . the sooner the better.
I hope everything goes well for you!

36

Re: Nightmare In-laws

Don't get your fiance involved - the poor thing is in the middle and should not have to choose between taking your side or his parents. As you should not be expected to his side over your parents.

This is between your parents and his parents - get them to sort it out between themselves.

As for the venue for the walima, that's totally their decision. The walima reflects them, so it;s their decision whether they want to pay £10/$10 per head or £100/$100 per head.

jhOOthA jEEwAn
37

Re: Nightmare In-laws

THERE IS A LOT the son can do. like stand up to his parents and defend you and your family. i am telling you you cannot marry someone who refuses to stand up for you especially if his parents are so incredibly rude. you will be facing a lifetime of misery.
tell him to stand up for you asap or it is off.

38

Uetian- my freind spoken like a trooper- a similar expereince I know of- the boy ( despite u love him and he u) just doesnt have the BALLS to fight for the woman he loves .. ( and thats not his "&!!** mother!)!!!! Here Here I say!!!! End result- two hearts broken ( one defintely a heart and a soul- the other - a weak heart with no soul)

39

Re: Nightmare In-laws

guys, i think this is a better fit in Life and Relationships, so I'm going to move it there.

40

Then you are in big trouble, coz if he can't do anything now he will not do anything later when they will be very rude to you.

Tell him to get his parents right ro forget about it.