First of all, I know this topic has been done to death, but I’ve got a real life scenario with a slight twist and I’d love to hear people’s thoughts…
Girl is being introduced to guy (totally arranged scenario) - he works for the same large corporation that she works for but in different offices - she works in one of the downtown offices and he works in one of the uptown offices.
She is in a professional role that is 3 to 4 levels higher than his and earns almost twice as much. She will likely always earn twice as much based on her career trajectory and promotion opportunities. He has fewer career advancement opportunities.
Ladies, your initial reaction to such a situation? Guys how would you feel - would you still pursue the rishta?
Re: New wrinkle in "she earns more than him issue"...
If I was the guy, I wouldn't. Yeah I know the whole equality debate.... but it would be just weird for me that my wife earns more than I do. I guess I am a little old school...but thats a personal choice.
if the guy had half a brain, he'd say hell yes... (and then promptly quit his job right after... oops sorry that's actually my plan)
Really, but what about his self-respect? And who's going to stay home and raise the kiddies? Let's say she wants to take mat leave - in the scenario described - the couple would take a major hit to their lifestyle if she stayed home.
Re: New wrinkle in "she earns more than him issue"...
'House Husbands' are becoming increasingly common! They do the cooking, cleaning, looking after the kids while she earns.. I guess thats his plan sehrysh!
Really, but what about his self-respect? And who's going to stay home and raise the kiddies? Let's say she wants to take mat leave - in the scenario described - the couple would take a major hit to their lifestyle if she stayed home.
being able to sleep in is far more important than self-respect.
all these problems can be solved by not having kids. and as far as money is concerned, doesn't her daddy have money? otherwise, there's always jahez, welfare, lottery, etc.
when there's a will, there's a way. think outside the box. be a problem solver. that's what this forum is all about.
Re: New wrinkle in "she earns more than him issue"...
Hell ya why not ? When you are family self respect is composed of family achievements. What if she becomes the prime minister or president , should she/he divorce each other. Why should he not have the right to enjoy and be proud of her achievement and brag about it to everybody ?
She needs a husband , and he needs a wife they need companionship , who makes how much has nothing to do with it.
Re: New wrinkle in "she earns more than him issue"...
if it's just the income then i wouldn't worry about much. But if ther's also differency in education eg gal has Phd and guy has bachelors then i would worry. you said gal has higher chances of promotion and is earning a lot more with likely potential. you also mentioend tat they r in different fields. at the end of the day its their choice. but if careers are also different tat gal feels her career is "better" or is more qualified than the guy then i would recommend you to think about it.
Re: New wrinkle in "she earns more than him issue"...
It depends on the people involved.
If the guy is the type that will be uncomfortable with that then there will issues.
If the girl always imagined her husband would earn more then her then there will be issues.
If these two get married, there will be some growing pains and adapting the couple will go through but I dont see why it cannot work.
Ive met people whose husbands dont work due to medical reasons and wives earn. Husbands will appreciate that and try to help out as much as they can in other ways.
Re: New wrinkle in "she earns more than him issue"...
Can I put a religious twist on this? Was not Khadija, the wife of the prophet, wealthier than he was? Did he not work FOR her? This male ego about needing to earn more money is rather pathetic since the people who always go around acting like mullahs are the ones who have a problem with their wives earning more than they.
If the following basic necessities are met i would marry her.
My own Maybach.
A 40 inch plasma screen that hooks up with my PS3, my gaming PC and whatever dohickies I need.
She has to buy the PS3 and my gaming PC.
Daily allowance of 100 US dollars.
Sex every day.
Damn straight I would marry her and let her work.
I guess that means that you're okay with:
1) maintaining a spotless home and don't forget to get the cobwebs in the corners (and no you don't get to hire a housekeeper),
2) inviting other couples on the weekend and cooking for a 20-person dawat,
3) driving the kids to school and all of their afterschool activities, including doing their homework with them and taking them to Islamic school,
4) no complaints if she wants to support her family back home and the budget doesn't allow for the sparkly things you saw in the mall (like let's say the 40" plasma screen)
5) the Maybach going to her rather than you - after all she's the one wining and dining the business clients - I guess that means you're stuck with the minivan
6) and at the end of your long day, you never get to plead a headache if you're tired.
I'm a little surprised that more guys are not bothered by the idea that their wife earns signficantly more than them and that more women are okay with being the primary breadwinner in the family. I guess others of this board are more evolved than I am. For myself, I know that I wouldn't be happy if he couldn't support us (not with a lavish a lifestyle - but a modest one) on his salary and that my working was mandatory just to make ends meet.
