Re: New generation's marriage issues
^ lol haha... yes. I hope it works out for both the people, Inshallah.
Apparently your thought process is clouded with the assumption that Pakistan is full of illiterate men and women. So if one has to go for an educated forward-thinking partner, Pakistan is not an option eh? Girl you amuse me!
It seems as if the options that you westernized-desis get from Pakistan, on the basis of which you have drawn your own conclusions, are (like I said) perhaps the scum of the male population. Those illiterate ignorant ones whose sole aim is to marry a passport. Incase you are not aware, there are numerous very sensible very highly educated men even in places like Pakistan, perhaps they just have different preferences and that is why you dont see them standing in the lines to marry your passport.
hahahha true
and as far as "paindus" go i have seen many in western countries that are paindu.
Re: New generation's marriage issues
What about the poor self made bums like me?
Re: New generation's marriage issues
poor + 'self-made' = oxymoron
Re: New generation's marriage issues
I can never ever imagine myself getting married to someone from back home. I would rather stay single. It's not that I feel superior or they are not 'good enough'. It's not even that guys there are too conservative or narrow minded coz that all depends on your upbringing. I have seen many guys in Pakistan more broad minded that some guys here.
It's just that I want to look up to my husband and would like to think of him as my provider. I don't want to drive him around to get his drivers license, social security card, teach him how to use public transit, how to do grocery shopping.......and the list goes on! Life is sooo different here! And can you ever really be sure if he married you coz he really cares for you or if he married you just for the green card (the more likely scenario!)?
Guys should be independent and self-made!Maybe it's superficial of me, but helping your husband settle down here is a big turn off for me. It makes him look less manly in my eyes.........I know I'm horrible!!
Re: New generation's marriage issues
u know---if so many more women think that way that those men are any less "men" then we (women) seriouosly have NO RIGHT to complain if men are only interested in beautiful/young women. When you reduce man to being a cash cow or demean him for not being as settled, that is no different than him reducing you to a sex object and throwing you away for the next attractive woman.
while i would say that alot of the girls who do get married to guys from pak have family pressure/insistence behind it (mind you NOT force!), they also have alot of support too, in that the parents will help support the couple, that might not be there in a different situation..I agree that it's not an ideal situation, and no doubt it's rough--but face it, we're not in an ideal world. Good times and bad times come and go, I think it's better to build your life together than to have it all at once, take it for granted and lose it.
I remember this discussion took place a few years ago, one woman (I forget her username now) posted about how if a guy is well educated, decent, and has lots of potential to succeed, then why shouldn't she help him reach his goals, given that they are compatible in every other way?
Re: New generation's marriage issues
It's not he is being reduced to a cash cow per se....it's just that in our society and even in our religion, the man is the breadwinner, he is the provider. So sponsoring him and helping him settle contradicts that very notion if only for the time being. Our religion says that the husband has to provide for the wife, that he is responsible for his family financially so when the roles get reversed, many girls (and rightly so) do feel that that's not how it is supposed to be.
Also, how can you not think of the possibility that the guy is just using you to come here? I think if the girl moves back, then of course that's not a possibility but in every scenario I have witnessed, the guy comes here. I mean it's so obvious that one of the main reason, if not the only reason for him marrying you was your citizenship. Is he also not then reducing you to a 'rite of passage to the promised land?' Is marrying for a green card really any different than marrying for good looks?
Re: New generation's marriage issues
Why do people assume that marrying someone from pak means that they will be poor, illiterate, or just out to get a greencard?
Those of us who are born and raised in the west hate being stereotyped ourselves :p
My husband is from 'back home' and it was the best decision ever made. He didn't need to come to england, we had a very comfortable lifestyle in pak but ultimately I wanted to carry on with my career and couldn't so do in pak as I don't speak urdu. My husband was in no rush to leave his family and lifestyle and re establish himself again but still did so for me. Immigration wasn't the nightmare it's perceived to be. If you have your paperwork in order and the marriage is genuine then it can take a matter of weeks. My husband is literate, was already fluent in english, knew how to drive, domesticated and a great provider for me. Granted, it was a bit of a struggle financially in the first couple of months when he arrived but that was because of poor planning on my part - I hadn't expected him to get his visa through so soon and therefore hadn't started sorting out living arrangements etc but it wasn't that big a deal. Besides which, even if I had married someone from over here, the same issues would've probably been there - who doesn't struggle a little in the beginning financially after all? Three years on, we have a comfortable lifestyle. We both drive new cars, go on regular holidays, have a nice home. And while material possessions and wealth is not everything, it does seem to be one of the biggest reasons for reluctance to accept rishtas from pakistan.
I have noticed girls and guys - but more girls - that I know of - that would be HORRIFIED at the thought of marrying someone from back home! They show their disgust so much that even YOU feel that oh my God really is it that bad.
Why do people have this pre-conceived notion that people from back home are just backward villagers - good for nothing.
why?
Yesterday, some of us girls had gathered up and couple of girls were like ewww I would never bring a guy from the "villages"...
what the hell? It's not like they have any GUY HERE who is dying for them with proposals. So what's their problem?
Why not bring in a person who would care about YOU - who cares where he is from?
I know women in the united states tend to do that. part of it has to do with many guys wanting to move to the united states. and part of it has to do with the girls that they think that they have somehow gotten that proverbial "surkhab ka par" by becoming an American citizen. they think that people come to talk to them solely because they want to move to the united states.
I remember once I was at JFK waiting for my flight. I went to this newspaper stand and i saw a desi girl there. so i thought i'd strike up a conversation with her. and she said to me something on the lines that i was trying to talk to her because i wanted immigration. i had not even mentioned it in the slightest that i wanted to do that. and for the record i had been there for my studies, and had never intended to live there forever.
in any case her comment disgusted me.