Re: New generation's marriage issues
Haha Jaanwar- i totally agree w/ you. You would think these "abroad" girls are the height of perfection by their expectations for a husband. Good for the smart guys who marry down to earth gals.
I think i came across as sympathizing with the no-"back home"-girls in my last post, which I do not. People are people, if you can't accept them, be on your happy way, no1's better than another. No need to be pretentious.
On the other hand, the educated and settled men from Pakistan would most probably prefer decent in-control girls, from families settled in Pakistan, who are more culturally appropriate
so not fair...
how come a GIRL looks for COMPATIBILITY education wise too... and choose to marry someone from here. Whereas, the educated GUY marries someone who is "not" compatible education wise?
Re: New generation's marriage issues
maybe the only reason is b/c some of htem just dont want to go through immigration issues. LOL
so not fair...
how come a GIRL looks for COMPATIBILITY education wise too... and choose to marry someone from here. Whereas, the educated GUY marries someone who is "not" compatible education wise?
Apparently your thought process is clouded with the assumption that Pakistan is full of illiterate men and women. So if one has to go for an educated forward-thinking partner, Pakistan is not an option eh? Girl you amuse me!
It seems as if the options that you westernized-desis get from Pakistan, on the basis of which you have drawn your own conclusions, are (like I said) perhaps the scum of the male population. Those illiterate ignorant ones whose sole aim is to marry a passport. Incase you are not aware, there are numerous very sensible very highly educated men even in places like Pakistan, perhaps they just have different preferences and that is why you dont see them standing in the lines to marry your passport.
maybe the only reason is b/c some of htem just dont want to go through immigration issues. LOL
Could you please elaborate a bit?
Could you please elaborate a bit?
I think what Sara is saying the paperwork and 'hassle' involved of getting a visa for someone who is from Pakistan. It can be a long and gruelling process, which can take from months to a year/s and for some people extra hassle could be another reason why they do not want to marry someone from another country. IT would be just more convenient to marry from the same country.
Could you please elaborate a bit?
Dildirani got it right.
If you want to break it down, there's really only 2 reasons that a girl would not want to marry a guy from pakistan.
1) They don't want to struggle to settle down. The immigration process isn't easy by any means. Most often a guy from overseas will have a hard time finding a job (then again nowadays who doesnt!) b/c their education simply isn't enough--many of my friends fathers (including my own), and their own husbands were educated back in Pakistan but obviously weren't able to ge ta job in that same field. Often times couples from differnet countries have to spend time apart b/c of immigration issues. It's not easy.
Of course anything can happen in life and one should be prepared, you can very well struggle to settle down with someone born/raised here, but I still think its a pretty good reason for someoen to eliminate prospects from other countries.
2) They think the gusy are "fobby", backwards/illiterate, will keep them locked up etc. This is either based on immaturity and narrowmindedness..or they have unfortunate enough to be around the scummiest of men.
If it's an arranged marriage, I wouldn't blaem someone for eliminating a rishta b/c of reason #1, simply out of convenience.
Re: New generation's marriage issues
Compare the Education Standard of Western World and the Eastern World. Then come to me and call these people Paindu again.
One famous German singer Farin Urlaub from "The Doctors" said once that we in the west have a good life, because the people in East have a bad life. This is so true.
Think about that and try to call them again paindus, villagers, illeterate.
as if a tree of education had been planted infront of your home and you ate the fruits and gained knowleged and education. Well, when I think about this sentence. It's true. Some people did something for some people and the rest has been forgotten as if they were animals.
"Speak, in the name of thy Lord who created thee from a chunk of blood and gave you knowledge. Thy Lord who taught you trough his feather"
Dildirani got it right.
If you want to break it down, there's really only 2 reasons that a girl would not want to marry a guy from pakistan.
1) They don't want to struggle to settle down. The immigration process isn't easy by any means. Most often a guy from overseas will have a hard time finding a job (then again nowadays who doesnt!) b/c their education simply isn't enough--many of my friends fathers (including my own), and their own husbands were educated back in Pakistan but obviously weren't able to ge ta job in that same field. Often times couples from differnet countries have to spend time apart b/c of immigration issues. It's not easy.
Of course anything can happen in life and one should be prepared, you can very well struggle to settle down with someone born/raised here, but I still think its a pretty good reason for someoen to eliminate prospects from other countries.
2) They think the gusy are "fobby", backwards/illiterate, will keep them locked up etc. This is either based on immaturity and narrowmindedness..or they have unfortunate enough to be around the scummiest of men.
If it's an arranged marriage, I wouldn't blaem someone for eliminating a rishta b/c of reason #1, simply out of convenience.
sara - #1 point is great! However, in my case I had NO idea that it would be a struggle. I was very ignorant about visa issues and having him find a job here. So I did not look at it as if my life will be a struggle.
After all these years, I have come to conclusion that I could not have found anyone better who would be loyal to me.
...but having said THAT - I am SURE I would have FOUND someone better who would have shelled out money as if it was growing on the tree! LOL
My hubby is a little kanjoos - although HE buys me all brand name stuff - he would not give me enough so I can buy the ENTIRE world. -lol (okay people don't crash on me - cause it's not meant to be that serious).
I agree some people as just way to immature and self-centered to look beyong the surface, and beyond the stereotypes.
In the end - it is because of generalizations that they are saying things like that. Instead of basing their opinion on the actual merits and personality of people, they are letting biases, stereotypes and other people’s preconceived ideas make up their minds.
Which is just SAD!!
Re: New generation's marriage issues
IMO, there is no point in dismissing people from the outset. I have known people who vowed they would never 'marry back home' but have done.
You get a variety of people wherever you go. Who is to say someone from the same country as us will treat us any better?
We don't know what the future holds in store for us :)
After married life and pre-marriage notions are completely different.
Again, its not about the person’s character/personality/how they will treat you..but smply for convenience’s sake, I can understand the point of dismissing someone.
jaaanwar coming from u that’s a compliment 
Re: New generation's marriage issues
would anyone be willing to ever move back for the guy? if he was well established.. why not move there?
Generally, most girls i can imagine would not want to move there, simply b/c they lose alot of freedoms there. But if the girl has other priorities or this is not something that can/will bother her, theres no reason why she shouldn’t be with a guy..esp if there are other factors involved.
Alot of things are highlighted in thsi thread
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-relationships/295909-moving-pakistan.html
because the country is so different from what a girl in america is used to, i can understand not wanting to move back. heck, i know girls who've moved here from pakistan and wouldn't go back! not being able to go places without a guy or someone else always with you, the instability, not to mention having to adjust to completely new expectations from the people around you- it'd be tough.
makes you think about how our parents did it...because that takes guts!
Re: New generation's marriage issues
^ i guess it really depends on the girl and how much she is willing to sort of leave behind. A lot of people dont mind that... and dont really associate it with freedom..
when ur married, you do end up compromising a little bit if not a lot... and in the end I guess it matters how much one wants to change...
These notions about going out by urself and whatever... for some its no big deal at all.. for others its the main issue..
everyones different
would anyone be willing to ever move back for the guy? if he was well established.. why not move there?
Ohhh, I'd love that.
I know I don't fully know what I am talking about - and I am sure living in Pakistan would be a challenge but man, I think I really really will love that. :)
Re: New generation's marriage issues
^ i know someone whose doign that. And I wish the very best to them :)
How different and exciting. I really hope to move out of Canada after marriage :halo: