I have noticed girls and guys - but more girls - that I know of - that would be HORRIFIED at the thought of marrying someone from back home! They show their disgust so much that even YOU feel that oh my God really is it that bad.
Why do people have this pre-conceived notion that people from back home are just backward villagers - good for nothing.
why?
Yesterday, some of us girls had gathered up and couple of girls were like ewww I would never bring a guy from the “villages”…
what the hell? It’s not like they have any GUY HERE who is dying for them with proposals. So what’s their problem?
Why not bring in a person who would care about YOU - who cares where he is from?
Lady, I seriously think it’s to do with maturity and being able to look beyond the surface.
Same girls cry about stereotyping and racist comments to other ethinicities, sexual orientations, etc and “ohmygosh, it’s so wrong to make judgements” and then turn around and say “eww, he’s a paindu”. Pisses me off.
To be honest i had this issue, getting married with someone from back home ... my dad was adamant he wanted a pakka pakistani guy .. and I did give in, but the proposals I got frightened me to death !
I found majority had hidden agenda's .. like the girl is from a well established family and she will take me out of pakistan .. her father will get me a job .. and crap ...
and trust me i am not the type of person who wanted prince charming .. I just wanted an educated, self made guy.. looks didnt matter to me .
Some I literally wanted to strangle with their ego's higher then the wall of china and mummy's boys .. no spine what so ever ... these kind of guys are always trouble later on , coz if the wife is doing better then them , they start feeling insecure ..
but i am not going to stereotype all men from Pakistan, I have now come to know of some really good guys as well .. :@:
Its also fear I think. This is a whole new generation of gals from Pak who are educated and able to earn a good living without having to rely upon a man for survival. They are empowered and ready to take on the world...then, perhaps faced with a family-chosed rista, their dreams of independence turn to dust. Pakistani men can be averse sometimes to a career woman with enough concern that they want their rishta to stay home from the get-go and not get even a taste of that so-heady feeling of independence. This was the case in the 1950s up thru even the 1970s in the west, it was kind of an insult to the husband if the wife worked (even if it was by her choice and not out of necessity). There is SO very much I love about those years and wish I could give my boys the same things I had when growing up...but there were many issues also during that time that I was not aware of.
A smart man would want to have a wife who would not have to resort to finding another man if something should happen to him.
Hmmm, I agree that compatibility is the most important thing no matter where a guy is from. And I've seen marriages where girls have married guy from Pak that are successful and at the same time I've seen some marriages which have been difficult. There are many factors to be considered. Location in Pakistan plays an important role, in my opinion. I've noticed that guys from the modern cities (Lahor, Islamabad, etc) tend to be more educated, open-minded, and might adapt better to western life. At the same time, I've seen guys from the less developed cities in Pakistan where there is a lack of education and at times not much priority given to education and the views in such cities are more conservative.....and may even be too conservative/incompatible for a girl who has been raised in the west all her life.
And there is also the fear of the unknown....and that of course takes place in all marriages....but it's greater in such a scenario because the environment/society that two individuals have been brough up in is different. And there have been scary stories of guys from back home only marrying girls for green cards and them dumping them after coming here. I'm not saying all guys from Pak are like this. And I'm not saying such marriages are doomed for failure. They can work and some have worked. There are several factors to be considered and many aspects to be thoroughly checked out before getting taking a huge step like marriage.....regardless of where the groom comes from.
NJMasti OMG !! I JUST HAD A HEATED CONVERSATION ABOUT THIS WITH MY FRIEND WHO TOLDME SHE WOULDNT CLICK WITH ANYONE FROM PAKISTAN ...AND I WAS LIKE DONT SAY THAT ABOUT EVRYINE... U HAVNT MET every guy!!
I think the idea is the guy wont be able to mix well with the western culture we have here. In some cases, the guy cant make the transition but in most cases I see it works out quite well. Most of my friends are married to FOBs as we sometimes like to call them.
Another problem is the amount of fraud involved. I'll tell you about what happened to us today. We're looking for rishtas for my sister these days. She is the youngest and Mashallah a great girl. We got a referral through an aunty and my mom spoke to the elder brother of the guy. We noticed he isnt in the US right now so asked where the guy is and were told by the elder brother that he is in Karachi for business reasons as he has shares in some company but will be back soon enough. Okay, that sounds alright for now. We were also told he has done his Masters from Harvard in Boston. Wonderful.
Throughout our correspondence, my mother had wanted to speak to the parents and for some reason they were never available for a chat. They were also supposed to be visiting Boston where his younger brother lives...so does my sister. The idea was for the parents to meet my sister's family to get a feel for how we were and would get a chance to tour Boston as my BIL volunteered to pick them up and take them around. We finally speak to the younger brother of the potential guy and guess what? My mom decides to confirm some details and in his naivete, the younger brother discloses information the elder brother witheld (if you're gonna lie, at least make sure everyone is on the same page!). She finds out the guy has never been to the US...never set foot in Harvard and is taking online courses through another US based University from Karachi.
I dont understand the reason for all of this and since its a matter of my sister's life...obviously my mom would be turned off by this deliberate deception. Needless to say, we decided not to go through with it and wished them luck in finding a girl for their brother. Whatever it is, be honest about it. Thats all.
A lot of my friends have agreed to marry in Pakistan; usually the marraige would take place over there, and then the wife would file paperwork to get her husband here. I think in the 90's that was a trend that even I noticed (and I was no where close to a 'marriageable age' then).
I think these days the girls from America are being more reasonable with regards to who they want to marry; I've noticed a trend towards being more openminded. For instance, you're seeing more and more interracial marriages as well, as girls become more bold about their choices.
Of course, this trend can lead to situations like the one above; where because of the distance the details about the guys education became easier to lie about.
Hmmm....about never wanting to marry a Pakistani guy?? I admit, majority of the Pakistani men I've met have been spineless, merely living out an outline of a life drawn for them by another (usually their parents or other societal pressures). They're usually hesistant to take any steps that could be viewed as 'bad' by their communities.
Of course, many Pakistani girls are also like that...it's on both sides of the spectrum!
It's frustrating, and I believe as a result of that you're seeing more and more Pakistani men and women marrying outside of their culture.
I have seen a LOT and I mean a lot of girls get married back home.... sometimes within their family sucha as their cousins and get divorced a few year later.... the only reason the guys marry them are for green cards.... im not saying everyone is like that... but the thought of that scares a LOTTA girls when we've seen it happen so much...
There are "back home" marriages that have been successful.....and there are "back home" marriages that have been failures. Since the environments/cultures the two people have been brought up in are DIFFERENT in this type of marriage........there are many risks and strong potential compatibility issues to take into account by BOTH parties.
However i don't think there's anything wrong if a guy or girl brought up in the west refuses to marry someone from Pakistan. Perhaps the person feels that there would be greater understanding/compatibility with a partner that is familiar with/grew up in the same culture. And that's understandable. It's just a matter of preference.
Girls like to be taken care of, they like their man to be smarter than them, make more money than them, be more educated than them, and probably be more cultured than them. Forget feminism. No matter how much a girl (and i'm talking your average unmarried western brown girl) wants to have equal rights, have equal pay in the workplace etc, she still would prefer to marry a man that makes more than her. And do you know why? because she probably will respect him more if he makes more or if he's more educated. She wants him to be better than her in the things she cares about. Otherwise she looks down on him.
Now what about a guy from back home? If she's lived in the west her whole life, she is familiar with "FOB" jokes, and has probably made some herself. She pretended to have an accent as a joke. She probably thinks she's better than a "fob"- more "cultured"/modern, educated, has more money or knows how to spend it on the right stuff (e.g buy 1 shirt from a nice store and not 10 from walmart) i'm not saying it's true, but I'm saying it's probably why girls have a hard time agreeing to the idea of marrying someone back home. Because they have a hard time respecting someone that fits into a category that they have grown to ridicule, and they will constantly look down on that person.
Also, they might think he'll expect her to stay at home, take care of the kids, do his laundry and cook day and night. A valid fear with serials that paint the perfect bahu as an obedient housewife. But I think mostly when girls are like like OMG i would NEVER marry a paki guy, it's because they (1) don't want to be a 1950's housewife, and (2) think he's an oily haired, accent clad, socially awkward FOB that couldn't measure up to them.
Awww this is really funny you guys brought it up. It actually goes both ways. Those snooty pretentious gals settled overseas would do anything that would help chopping their roots off. If Michael Jackson experiment had worked out fine, that would have helped such flock change their color and pretend to be not-brown. But damn, such is fate! So yes, they would definitely not want to marry someone desi, with the fear of being laughed at - 'oh so you married some paindoo?' what a nightmare eh?
On the other hand, the educated and settled men from Pakistan would most probably prefer decent in-control girls, from families settled in Pakistan, who are more culturally appropriate and aware over those over-the-top over-confident caucasian-wanna-be's.
So yes, this fear is well justified, because you dont want to end up with what is left after this sorting i.e. scum of the population. Of course you would have these fears, and it might be a good idea to marry someone like-minded from abroad, or even better some white guy to complete the morphing.
