I am so nervous about getting married.
I havent even met or talked to the person that I am marrying, and I am getting married in 4 weeks.
I am from the UK and I am going to Pakistan to get married, I will only be there a week before we will be getting married. I dont know anything about him.
And what I want to know is if it is expected to consummate your marriage on the first night. It would be so weird because he is a total stranger to me.
All help and suggestions are welcome!!!
Welcome !
Try to know more about him before you get married, it is very important. Through family or friends and if posible meet him. Good luck for the marriage :k:
I got the same kind of question from a friend of the family, who will getting married soon. She too was so nervous. Who would not be, if he/she doesnt know the other person, they will be living their lifes with.
It isn't necessary to consummate your marriage on your first night, who ever will tell you otherwise is just bulls**t. Its a privat matter between you and your husband, no one should come for checking the next day, things should let left between you and your husband, do what you feel comfortable in, no one should force you into having sex, when you are not ready for it.
As about not knowing anything about your future spouse, I think this is quite sad. Even in Pakistan, people get to know their partner before going for marriage, isnt there anychance you can talk to him?
Farah, did you agree willingly to this marriage? why? if you remember why and the reasons make sense that may help you to feel better.
I agree with Saadia, try and find a way to talk to your fiancé. What sort of a chap is he? Why does he want to marry you?
Before you get married, remember, this is your life. You still have four weeks to think about it.....
:k: good luck for ur wedding and ur future life as for the suggestion all i would suggest is try contacting ur to be hubby by telephone email or n e fin and try getting to know him u got 3 weeks b4 u leave for pakistan and i think atleast u will have an idea as to wat kind of a person is he 
ASA Farah
U r rite for ur nervousness. but believe me Nikah is a bond which will change ur feelings abt ur hubby . And u will feel comfortable with him. Dont worry INSHA ALLAH all the things will become easy for u after nikah
I find it weird that you haven't been able to have any contact with this guy, in this day and age most parents are okay about letting fiances have contact to get to know one another.
humm
I am trying to let my mum meet him first when we go to Pakistan and then if I like him I have asked her to postpone the wedding for a few months, but she wont agree to this, she thinks there is no point in waiting and that it will be too much hassle to go back to Pakistan in a few months time.
But I think she may be coming round to the idea. My dad is on my side that we should wait a few months, but my mum is also very religous and doesnt agree with meeting alone before marriage.
Do you think I should I contact him? He has never tried to contact me. He talks to my mum every few weeks on the phone or emails her.
He definitely needs to meet you and you him! He is not marrying your mom so when he talks to your mom, he should have the decency to atleast talk to you. If nothing else, a hello, hi, how are ya! Do not marry someone you've never met or talked to before. Inshallah everything will turn out fine but do make the effort to meet him. You sound like an intelligent woman, and you have every right to know your fiance before you sign on the dotted line :)
There is nothing wrong with meeting him in a public place where maybe one of your cousins accompanies you if your mom doesn't permit you going out with him alone.
Good luck w/ everything!! I hope your parents make the right decision esp. your mother. It seems like she is following her culture more than her religion (no offense) but even the Prophet (pbuh) met his wives before he married them.
Hope everything goes well for you, whatever you decide to do.
Yes definitely contact him (email,phone?) This is serious stuff as you two are actually going to get married! If he talks to your mum then he sure can talk to you. How was the wedding arranged btw, is he related to you?
Best of luck with everything 
Why dont you talk to him on the phone when he calls, or email him.
You say your mum wont let u meet cause shes religious, but prophet :saw: saud we should see each other before marriage.
Also pray Ishtikarah.
A great business minded lady, there.
And why is he emailing / phoning your mum. As of now, they are both naa-mehrem to each other.
How do you know that the guy is not the mums nephew??
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*Originally posted by M: *
How do you know that the guy is not the mums nephew??
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If he was, then farah would have met him already or at least seen him. No?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by farah_no: *
I am trying to let my mum meet him first when we go to Pakistan ...
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Are you saying not even your mother has ever met the guy? Has anyone in your immediate family ever met this guy?
Anyway YOU need to talk and meet him BEFORE YOU decide whether you want to marry him.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
If he was, then farah would have met him already or at least seen him. No?
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Yeah youd think so but since the mum doesnt even want to go pakistan twice for her daughters marriage, maybe farah hasnt been there before.
Ive been pakistan 6 times and I still have cousins there that Ive never seen, or dont remember seeing.
yea i agree … no one shud force u 
i think u shud get to kno him better … i have no problem with arranged marriges, i think they are great, but ur parents shud give u a chance to get to kno him … that way u can feel comfortable with him … right?
saadia u are right … it is completely and totally a very personal matter … no one should tell you how or when to do “it”. that is totally ur own choice because u are the only one that knos when u are ready and what u want to do
and plus some idiot told me that if ur valima is next day than u have to have sex the first night or the valima not jaiz or something 
is that true?
Re: Nervous about Wedding
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by farah_no: *
I am so nervous about getting married.
I havent even met or talked to the person that I am marrying, and I am getting married in 4 weeks.
[/QUOTE]
Who are you people? Do you live on this planet? Jesus Christ! I think the word 'nervous' doesn't do justice to what you should be feeling.