What do you do when you have a friend going through a rough time and has just become bitter and negative? They’ve been through tough times, but at hte same time…all that negativity drains you. U dont want to abandon them because they’re a friend…but being around their negativity doesnt help you either.
Anybody felt like this? Know what im talking about?
patience and tolerance.... never fails.
Re: Negativity
How about NOT opening up demeaning threads about them in Life1 and then giggling about it like school girls?
Practice what you preach, folks.
Re: Negativity
You gotta shake the sh*t out of them!
Yes. I have been through it. Some people might just lessen the communication with their friend because they think of themselves first. I didn't do that though, I made myself stronger and was there for my friend because if I hadn't, their bitterness and negativity would have continued. You just need to be patient about it and have to be strong as well because when the tough time passes, and they still find you by their side, things will go back to normal. At least that's what happened with me.
Re: Negativity
I think if you really are that person's friend that you will suck it up and be there for them...cause you know that if you were in that situation they would be there for you...and it hopefully won't last forever....
Friendship was never easy. The true meaning of friendship is to be there for each other in good times n bad. So take it as a bad patch in your friend's life n deal with it like you would with your own. At the same time give her space and time to heal on her own too. Just don't give her any thing from your side which could make her unhappier. Try your best to understand her and deal her accordingly. For example, if she gets angry over a very small issue you just have to be a bigger person n say sorry and then later when she cools down you try n make her realise that she needs to sort herself out (ofcourse in a much better way :D) but that u r there to help her in any which way possible.
:-)
How about NOT opening up demeaning threads about them in Life1 and then giggling about it like school girls?
Practice what you preach, folks.
How is this demeaning to anybody?
What does this have to do with my thread?
How about **NOT opening up demeaning threads **about them in Life1 and then giggling about it like school girls?
Practice what you preach, folks.
Practice what you preach PCG.
And I'd appreciate if you could plz respond to our post in the education thread about sponsoring an orphan in pakistan. Cheers.
What do you do when you have a friend going through a rough time and has just become bitter and negative? They've been through tough times, but at hte same time...all that negativity drains you. U dont want to abandon them because they're a friend....but being around their negativity doesnt help you either.
Anybody felt like this? Know what im talking about?
First tell them you do not like their negativity, in polite way, then,
leave them alone or take them to a shrink etc.!
Re: Negativity
1- there is nothing demeaning in sara's post
2- good advise from others
3- give them and yourself space, check in, but dont get sucked into long venting sessions, because you can only be a crutch for so long for their own sake..tough love has to be used sometimes too. dont abandon, but dont think just because someone is going through tough time u have to always have things go their way..or bend over backwards..unless the individual is really immature they understand people's needs and commitments, even if they lash out at first
[QUOTE]
Practice what you preach PCG.
And I'd appreciate if you could plz respond to our post in the education thread about sponsoring an orphan in pakistan. Cheers.
[/QUOTE]
Huh? You think I have money? You sponsor me. I'm basically an orphan.
on a serious note, you earn don’t you? Zakaat is waajib on you so you might as well dedicate it to the education sector.
If you don’t earn, well even then you can help in some way e.g. by joining a committee like Your Dil and helping to raise funds in your free time, all of which will go towards education.
Otherwise plz don’t even bother discussing the lack of education among pakistanis any more… at least I won’t… i know what I gotta do.
PS: Sorry sara for going off topic. 
Re: Negativity
try to be there for htem ... i know a couple of my frnds were gonig thru a hard patch at the same time and it kinda got tough for me too in a few days and i got a lil cranky and had trouble sleeping and same ol signs of annoyance and depression ... but i mean thats wat frnds are for ... to go thru all the tough times with you and not leave ur side ... i kno my frnds wld've done the same for me too if i was goin thru such a patch ... so yea u just stick it out with them and eventually things do get better
Re: Negativity
I think if you really are that person's friend that you will suck it up and be there for them...cause you know that if you were in that situation they would be there for you...and it hopefully won't last forever....
What if that person wasn't there for you during a tough time of yours, or even a happy time? They abandoned you, deliberately.
Friendship was never easy. The true meaning of friendship is to be there for each other in good times n bad. So take it as a bad patch in your friend's life n deal with it like you would with your own. At the same time give her space and time to heal on her own too. Just don't give her any thing from your side which could make her unhappier. Try your best to understand her and deal her accordingly. For example, if she gets angry over a very small issue you just have to be a bigger person n say sorry and then later when she cools down you try n make her realise that she needs to sort herself out (ofcourse in a much better way :D) but that u r there to help her in any which way possible.
:-)
I dunno if i agree with that or not. I always thought its supposed to be effortless..if its this hard, then is it really worth it?
The thing is, I know this person who has been in a "bad place" since i've known them for 8 years. I understand they've had a tough upbringing, and family problems...but i dont know what im trying to say here xactly....
1- there is nothing demeaning in sara's post
2- good advise from others
3- give them and yourself space, check in, but dont get sucked into long venting sessions, because you can only be a crutch for so long for their own sake..tough love has to be used sometimes too. dont abandon, but dont think just because someone is going through tough time u have to always have things go their way..or bend over backwards..unless the individual is really immature they understand people's needs and commitments, even if they lash out at first
Yup...only so much one can be used as a crutch. This is the first time i've been on that side--i know there were so many people who put up wiht my crap in the past...and im so thankful to them...but i realize now how awful it must have been for me t keep bothering them....
What do you do when you have a friend going through a rough time and has just become bitter and negative? They've been through tough times, but at hte same time...all that negativity drains you. U dont want to abandon them because they're a friend....but being around their negativity doesnt help you either.
Anybody felt like this? Know what im talking about?
Long ago during our student time, one of my friend was very bitter due to some family issues, he seems to found me someone whom can take out all his anger and frustration he has with others.
On my part, on my part i have no doubt about his sincerity towards me, and also I understood that he is not angry with me but he has so many bitterness in life he could not express, all i could do is just help by allowing him to vent his anger on me.
I am not sure if that helped him but after 30 years we are still best of friends like brothers. He is now is a reasonably successful businessmen, and doing great work for society, not only he is running a dialysis center for poor (with some contribution from others as well), but also taking care of medical expenses for many sick peoples from his own pocket.
Yup...only so much one can be used as a crutch. This is the first time i've been on that side--i know there were so many people who put up wiht my crap in the past...and im so thankful to them...but i realize now how awful it must have been for me t keep bothering them....
its not just bad for the 'crutch' but also for the recovering person, they need to be shaken out of their self pity and need to rely so much on others, help em stand on their own feet.
so I am not just thinking about it being tough for ppl that are being leaned on, but also its counter productive for the people leaning.