I know there were previous threads on this, but I need current opinions please!
I live in the U.S. and it’s something we’re thinking of doing by having one HUGE reception and splitting it in half, but from a religious point of view the Walima(which is a sunnah) is supposed to be a feast given from the groom. So if the girl’s side is also paying for half, then does that make the “Walima part” of it invalid since it’s not completely paid for by the groom’s side? Most religious scholars don’t discuss this. I know having the Walima after the Nikah is allowed(even without ‘sexually consumating’ the marriage), but that’s not my question. Mine is about EXPENSES.
If we combined, having a small “Walima” lunch the next day is an option with just family and friends, but I don’t want to do that b/c it makes it seem as if the Shaadi/Baraat was huge and paid for by the girl’s side and that we did nothing. Both families live in the same city, but have different circles of family friends so I know this would become sort of an issue when people start assuming the girl’s side paid for everything and we had a tiny Walima.
It has to be either 2 separate receptions(Baraat and Walima), or one combined reception split in half and no Walima the next day, but can we still call that the Walima if the girl’s side is helping with expenses? Your take? Have you or anyone you know done this? It’ll be a huge FIRST for my side of the family if we do…so I’m pretty hesitant! We will be having a pretty big combined Mehndi regardless.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
i m not sure if you will call it a valima or not. but what you can do is cut the mehndi event and do rukhsati and valima two separate occasion. I recently heard abt this combined reception in my far family and most of the conservative people didnt like this idea.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
i m not sure if you will call it a valima or not. but what you can do is cut the mehndi event and do rukhsati and valima two separate occasion. I recently heard abt this combined reception in my far family and most of the conservative people didnt like this idea.
Thanks for your input. But we definitely want to have a Mehndi event - something more festive and fun, especially for our college friends and school friends that will be flying from different states.
Yeah, I'm afraid the 'conservative/traditional' folk in the family may think the idea is bad, and although they may not say it to our faces, I'm sure they would say it behind our backs and I don't want to start any drama at the first stage of wedding planning.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
^ i think you should do what makes sense to you, your family and budget. so long as the nikah takes place prior to the combined reception, i think it should be fine because its a day-after-nikkah event and therefore, its a valima. Islam is not a fussy religion and worrying about the bride's side paying half shouldn't be an issue, imho. In fact, you're cutting back on the waste of a whole another event which can only be a good thing, right?
don't worry about what people will think either- lots and lots of couples in Toronto do the joint reception because it makes sense financially. neither family ends up with having to pay for an event entirely and there isn't any competition between the two families/events about which one was better hosted.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
is this correct from Islamic point of view?
When I asked Islamic scholars and googled similar situations, the Islamic scholars said the Walima can be given anytime after the Nikkah, whether it's a few minutes after or a couple of days after. Most people from India/Pakistan have the misconception that Walima has to be done after the couple "sleep" together, which is not true. That's more of a cultural belief I guess.
This is a reply from a scholar from Sunni Path: Hanafi Answer:
In order for the Walimah to be valid, it must be held after the couple "consumate" the marriage. This would take place by them being in privacy for a few minutes.
The sunnah practice was that the walimah would be held the day after the marriage, however if one does have it on the same night- after the couple spend time together in privacy- it would be ok, especially as, nowadays having it the next day leads to a host of other expenses, the incurring of which is completely contrary to the spirit and sunnah of marriage.
And Allah Ta'ala knows best
But my question still pertains to the expense portion of it. For example, if f I paid for the FOOD(the feast portion) and the bride paid for the hotel/decor/etc., would this be considered okay?
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
^ to me it seems like expenses aren't really part of the rules of the valima... maybe thats a desi addition to the rule and thats why you can't find any clarification for it because there is none! the islamic ruling seems more about the timing of the event.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
^ i think you should do what makes sense to you, your family and budget. so long as the nikah takes place prior to the combined reception, i think it should be fine because its a day-after-nikkah event and therefore, its a valima. Islam is not a fussy religion and worrying about the bride's side paying half shouldn't be an issue, imho. In fact, you're cutting back on the waste of a whole another event which can only be a good thing, right?
don't worry about what people will think either- lots and lots of couples in Toronto do the joint reception because it makes sense financially. neither family ends up with having to pay for an event entirely and there isn't any competition between the two families/events about which one was better hosted.
Thanks for your input! Phew! Glad to see other people on here have some positive perspective on this issue and it's being done in other cities too. Yeah, the biggest advantage is being able to save tons of money and still having something really lavish if it's all being spent on one day instead of being split in to two. I didn't think about the competition between two families on who threw the better event, but I can see that being important. I guess a big issue would still remain what to CALL IT.
Ex. : "Wedding Reception" or "Shaadi & Walima Reception" or "Baraat & Walima Reception"
Calling it just "Walima" will create the same problem of it sounding one-sided...I don't think the bride's side would be okay with that being printed on the wedding cards if it's also being hosted by them.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
isn't it just easier to do separate barat and separate valima..
tbh you'll end up paying the same as you would on an individual event per family seeing as how big the one function together be?
if you dont mind me asking - why tfavouring the joint ocassion?
Thanks for the input zainy. To answer your question, one of the reasons we'd like to have a joint reception is because by doing this we can have something more special and classy(meaning a nicer hotel, more food, nicer decor, etc.) if we put all our money from both events in to one. Not sure if you're from the U.S., but weddings here can get expensive!
I'm currently in medical school and fiance is in law school and although we have been saving money and parents are helping too, we would rather have 1 HUGE event rather than divide it and have 2 MEDIOCRE events. Plus, if we have 1 event and spend a lot on it, we STILL end up saving money which can go towards other things we need when starting our new life together...or a nice honeymoon, hehe. Plus, having one event, with the entrances, speeches, dinner, entertainment is really nice, but when having it two times in a row back to back it can kind of boring and become a hassle for guests, not to mention the families hosting! My fiance is the one who is more keen on having it combined, I'm still 50/50. That's why I'm getting opinions. But either way, we're planning on having a big Mehndi event at a nice hall/hotel w/approximately 200 people.
For the Shaadi & Walima there will be at least 250 ppl from my side and 250 ppl from her side.
If we combine it, it'll be 500 people.
If we have separate events, there will be 350 ppl at each event(250 guests of the family hosting and 100 guests from the other family(their close relatives and closest family friends) and vice-versa)
Hotels + Food here is charged per head so 500 people(1 event) versus 700 people(2 events) is a huge difference in $$$. There's no way we could have the 2 events on the same level, so we'd have to settle for a more average hotel and less money overall to spend on each event if we split it.
We know having something "really nice and over the top" isn't the most important thing in the world, but either way we're spending the money so might as well enjoy and be happy with where it's going and what we're investing in, right?
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
^ to me it seems like expenses aren't really part of the rules of the valima... maybe thats a desi addition to the rule and thats why you can't find any clarification for it because there is none! the islamic ruling seems more about the timing of the event.
Yeah, but we all know it's supposed to be a feast hosted by the groom, right? That's where the issue is I guess...
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
^ well just because she's paying for half of it doesn't discount the money you're putting into hosting it, right?
i'd call it a Wedding Reception- that covers the affair nicely without getting into desi terminology re: Shaadi vs. Valima. Also, you can call your Nikkah the Wedding Ceremony to make it crystal clear for the fussier guests.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
^ well just because she's paying for half of it doesn't discount the money you're putting into hosting it, right?
i'd call it a Wedding Reception- that covers the affair nicely without getting into desi terminology re: Shaadi vs. Valima. Also, you can call your Nikkah the Wedding Ceremony to make it crystal clear for the fussier guests.
Thanks, those are nice ideas! I think avoiding the desi terminology is important indeed.
Plus, we were thinking when the Imam/Religious speaker gives his short speech at the reception, he could mention the whole "combining reception" bit and talk about how it can save money and time and hassle which is favoring a more practical and therefore Islamic approach on a wedding celebration. He could clarify that there is technically nothing wrong with it. That way if we do have guests who are complaining or bitter that will definitely shut them up when they finally attend the wedding, lol.
It's really sad how much we have to consider what "so and so" is going to think or say when planning the biggest day of your life. Alhamdullilah, my immediate family is very open minded and doesn't give in to pressure from other family members or "society", but it just sucks to have to deal with it overall. I love our culture, but just not aspects like these. :/
I'll finds source later but for the prophets (pbuh) own walima he asked the guests who were coming to bring food etc. So everyone brought a dish and they had a meal so he didn't pick up the tab, don't worry about who pays for what.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
It's really sad how much we have to consider what "so and so" is going to think or say when planning the biggest day of your life. Alhamdullilah, my immediate family is very open minded and doesn't give in to pressure from other family members or "society", but it just sucks to have to deal with it overall. I love our culture, but just not aspects like these. :/
so don't! be a pioneer, dude! pave the way for everyone else! :)
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
if you are talking abt cutting the wedding expense islamically and you are so much emphasizing on expenses of 2 ocassion then first you should eliminate the non-islamic function called mehndi. this is my opinion.
you can have all the fun of mehndi at your rukhsati or valima whatever you suppose. i have seen a weeding video showing his. and i really liked this idea.
the combined ocassion that i mentioned in my previous post really took place in order not to burden the families with the expenses.
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
have you guys thought of doing the nikkah at the mehndi function and then the joint reception the day after which would kinda be rukhsati and walima combined...that way you fulfill the "timing" of the walima as well and can still have the joint reception
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
Hey GroomDoc,
I'm in a very similar position myself. My fiance and I have decided to have one reception as opposed to two, and my fiance was having the same hesitations as you. He was considering having a small party the next day in order to fulfill the "Valima" aspect of it.
I think the idea of the Valima has been extremely distorted lately. But it's basically supposed to be a function where you gather and feed people. But this is supposed to be done within your budget as well. So if your budget only allows a certain number of people and not the full amount of people that are being invited, it doesn't matter because your obligations of the Valima have been fulfilled. People are always going to nit-pick at the details of where the money is coming from, but if your intention is to host the Valima then who cares. Wallahu A'lam
Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!
Correct me if I'm wrong but technically the Valima is the bigger even right? I could be very wrong. What I've read is that the barat/shaadi used to be a smaller reception given after the Nikka but it's grown to a party of epic proportions LOL.
I personally don't find anything wrong with combining the barat and valima... My cousin did it when he got married and no one said anything and no one really cared... but our family isn't very stuck on tradition and the few that are aren't very close to us that we would care what they think. Knowing how expensive a wedding can get with all these parties I would be inclined myself to have a mixed barat/valima since both me and my bf live in Toronto. I can't justify two huge parties but again that's just me.
Maybe some clever wording on the invitations would give the guests a sense that it's a barat and valima?