Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

[GroomDoc]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

@Aaliyah1

I’ll finds source later but for the prophets (pbuh) own walima he asked the guests who were coming to bring food etc. So everyone brought a dish and they had a meal so he didn’t pick up the tab, don’t worry about who pays for what.

Aaliyah, that’s VERY interesting. I’ve never heard of that, please find the source if you can. I’ll search as well.

@somegroovychick

so don’t! be a pioneer, dude! pave the way for everyone else!

Thanks groovychick, that’s definitely what I’m aiming for. One of my biggest “pioneering” goals is to actually starting this wedding ON TIME. We’ve come up with a few ideas to make sure people don’t show up at the usual 9:30/10pm and serve dinner at 11:30 pm! Here in Texas almost all weddings have become like this and it’s insane to start a program that late and serve dinner that late!

@makd

if you are talking abt cutting the wedding expense islamically and you are so much emphasizing on expenses of 2 ocassion then first you should eliminate the non-islamic function called mehndi. this is my opinion.

you can have all the fun of mehndi at your rukhsati or valima whatever you suppose. i have seen a weeding video showing his. and i really liked this idea.

1K reactions · 310 shares | Kindly reserve your criticism and compliments to the quality of video only and refrain from commenting on the people in the pictures as this is footage from an actual event. This is a sample of our new High Def DSLR video package. These are the highlights of Hira and Adnan's event. A lot of effort has gone into this from shooting to edit and re-edit. We are loving how the look is coming out in this and are getting closer and closer to where we want to be in video. Our main focus was to show the true essence of the event with capturing of expressions and displaying the real important moments of the whole event. Mainly, we wanted to make it emotional since that is what weddings truly are. We have tried a lot of new things in the video and have made most of it using DSLRs and covering it in HD. It really did require all the juice of our editing system but it finally came through. | K Bridals

the combined ocassion that i mentioned in my previous post really took place in order not to burden the families with the expenses.

Thanks makd, but cutting expenses isn’t what I need the opinions on right now(as somegroovychick also mentioned). It’s about splitting the baraat walima or combining and who pays for what. I saw the video you posted and it’s a really cool looking wedding. I’ve never seen a Mehndi type of atmosphere/festivities at a reception so that’s something new and nice to see. It’s a cool concept, but I think we’re going to stick with having a separate Mehndi beforehand.

@llxxll

have you guys thought of doing the nikkah at the mehndi function and then the joint reception the day after which would kinda be rukhsati and walima combined…that way you fulfill the “timing” of the walima as well and can still have the joint reception

You know one of my fiance’s girl cousins just had this done at her Mehndi(a Nikah). I found it REALLY WEIRD. Nikah at a mehndi? I’ve never seen it done, but I’ve actually heard of A LOT of people doing this lately. I hear of most people having the Nikah at the masjid in the morning and having the Mehndi at night. But having the Nikah at the actual Mehndi I still find weird, maybe I would need to see a video or something b/c I can’t really picture doing that.

@itssarahizzle

Hey GroomDoc,
I’m in a very similar position myself. My fiance and I have decided to have one reception as opposed to two, and my fiance was having the same hesitations as you. He was considering having a small party the next day in order to fulfill the “Valima” aspect of it.

I think the idea of the Valima has been extremely distorted lately. But it’s basically supposed to be a function where you gather and feed people. But this is supposed to be done within your budget as well. So if your budget only allows a certain number of people and not the full amount of people that are being invited, it doesn’t matter because your obligations of the Valima have been fulfilled. People are always going to nit-pick at the details of where the money is coming from, but if your intention is to host the Valima then who cares. Wallahu A’lam

Thanks for the encouragement, it’s nice to know you’re planning on doing the same. What you said makes sense because if my budget only allows me to pay for half the people, the Sunnah of announcing the marriage among our community and feeding people is still achieved. Yeah, I know people will always talk so it’s best to not worry about it too much. Just like your fiance, I too am considering having a small brunch with just family and close college friends the next day. Most people have a brunch the next day anyway so I guess that would also fulfill the “walima” aspect of it if anyone really created a fuss. It would be the Walima Part 2, lol.

@terebina786

Correct me if I’m wrong but technically the Valima is the bigger even right? I could be very wrong. What I’ve read is that the barat/shaadi used to be a smaller reception given after the Nikka but it’s grown to a party of epic proportions LOL.

I personally don’t find anything wrong with combining the barat and valima… My cousin did it when he got married and no one said anything and no one really cared… but our family isn’t very stuck on tradition and the few that are aren’t very close to us that we would care what they think. Knowing how expensive a wedding can get with all these parties I would be inclined myself to have a mixed barat/valima since both me and my bf live in Toronto. I can’t justify two huge parties but again that’s just me.

Maybe some clever wording on the invitations would give the guests a sense that it’s a barat and valima?

Terebina, the Walima isn’t necessarily the bigger event, it just depends on how each family does it. The Walima and Nikah are the only Islamic parts of the marriage. I’ve seen some Baraats that are HUGE and some Walimas that are HUGE. It just depends on how you want to do it. Yeah, I agree with your reasoning on combining both events b/c her and I also live in the same city just like you and your bf. My family is the same and I know hers is too so as long as our families are cool with it, I guess it doesn’t matter what anyone else “thinks”…

[GroomDoc]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

Found the Hadith(thanks to Aliyah) citing that guests also brought food to the Walima of the Prophet(pbuh), so TECHNICALLY he didn’t pay or provide all of it.
I think this Hadith emphasizes the point of a Walima is to announce that a Nikah has taken place and introduce the newly married couple among the community. A feast goes along with this. It’s something the Prophet himself encouraged so that’s where the “groom” doing it comes from, but clearly we can see that “groom paying for all of it or a portion of it” isn’t really an issue as the Prophets own guests brought food to his own Walima.

** So the Prophet was a bridegroom and he said, ‘Whoever has anything (food) should bring it.’ He spread out a leather sheet (for the food) and some brought dates and others cooking butter. (I think he (Anas) mentioned As-Sawiq). So they prepared a dish of Hais (a kind of meal). And that was Walima (the marriage banquet) of Allah’s Apostle .”
**Walima of the Prophet (SAW) (Hadith No. 367) | iLookiListen

This really makes me feel better and clears up a lot of confusion! I can’t wait to show this Hadith to everyone else.
I would never do this, but can you imagine asking our own guests to bring their own food and help us cook at the Walima?! LOL. Man, if only we could all truly follow the Sunnah of the Prophet(pbuh) our lives would all be so much simpler. The thought of pulling that off in today’s times and culture cracks me up.

[saimab33]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

I had my wedding this way. I had my nikkah at the masjid on Friday, then we had a combined mehndi on Saturday, and combined reception on sunday. We called it "Wedding Reception" on the cards, and each family printed their own cards inviting guests from their own side.

I loved it! I was able to have an amazing wedding and not break the bank. My dad is very religious and knows Islam very well, and he said it is completely appropriate to do it this way, as the cost is being split, and the guys side is paying half.

[S02]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

You could say "Nikkah with Reception to follow"

[Afshi]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

i had my nikkah right before our joint reception.

hubby and i went off for our honeymoon, came back and my inlaws hosted a dinner at their home for both our families

[Summerbr]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

We had our mehndi & nikkah the same day - I just had different outfits for each! :-) And rukhsati with family from home the day after and then a joint reception that we split costs for on the third day. We end all out for the reception, it was small but sophisticated. I liked having the events so, I wouln't change anything. I guess whatever you and the family are comfortable with.

[silver05]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

I attended a family wedding in Toronto this past summer that was arranged the same way - a huge mehndi from both sides and one huge event the day after, with nikkah and then reception. I like the idea.. saves time, money, energy, etc.
Also, the day after the reception, there was a brunch 'walima' - it was mainly close family of both sides and friends. AND something that shocked me, cuz I'm from Texas too, was all the events were on TIME. Guests were there max by 8pm for mehndi/reception and everything started. I wonder how much nagging they had to do but it worked, lol!

[Reha]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

I attended a wedding once where the entire function was combined.

What the bride and groom did is print separate cards for their guests. The girls' side invited their side to a reception and the guys' side was invited to the walima.

[GroomDoc]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

@saimab33

I had my wedding this way. I had my nikkah at the masjid on Friday, then we had a combined mehndi on Saturday, and combined reception on sunday. We called it "Wedding Reception" on the cards, and each family printed their own cards inviting guests from their own side.

I loved it! I was able to have an amazing wedding and not break the bank. My dad is very religious and knows Islam very well, and he said it is completely appropriate to do it this way, as the cost is being split, and the guys side is paying half.

Glad to hear you loved your wedding, that's most important when everything is said and done. I like the idea you mentioned of each family printing their own cards and inviting guests from their own inside. We were thinking of printing one card in bulk and then splitting those in half and each family distributing their own to everyone. It's good to know your Dad, being knowledgeable about the subject, confirms that there is nothing wrong with doing it this way "Islamically".

@Sahar02

You could say "Nikkah with Reception to follow"

That's EXACTLY what we're thinking of writing, you're dead on.

@Afshi

i had my nikkah right before our joint reception.

hubby and i went off for our honeymoon, came back and my inlaws hosted a dinner at their home for both our families

Yeah, I would like to do something similar with Nikah being right before joint reception. Makes the day your actual "wedding day" and builds up the excitement and emotions.

@Summerbr

We had our mehndi & nikkah the same day - I just had different outfits for each! :-) And rukhsati with family from home the day after and then a joint reception that we split costs for on the third day. We end all out for the reception, it was small but sophisticated. I liked having the events so, I wouln't change anything. I guess whatever you and the family are comfortable with.

Yeah, someone else mentioned having the Nikah and Mehndi on the same day, then having a joint reception. There's so many different ways that people can hold these wedding events now. I think the diversity and variety of it is kind of fun. It's good to hear people's personal experiences. Thanks for your input.

@silver05

I attended a family wedding in Toronto this past summer that was arranged the same way - a huge mehndi from both sides and one huge event the day after, with nikkah and then reception. I like the idea.. saves time, money, energy, etc. Also, the day after the reception, there was a brunch 'walima' - it was mainly close family of both sides and friends. AND something that shocked me, cuz I'm from Texas too, was all the events were on TIME. Guests were there max by 8pm for mehndi/reception and everything started. I wonder how much nagging they had to do but it worked, lol!

Silver, the family wedding you attended in Toronto is EXACTLY what we have in mind for ours. Wow, everyone was there on time?! My biggest pet peeve is how late our desi weddings start these days. In Pakistan I know it's different, but in the U.S. it gets really crazy when you start serving dinner at 11:30pm when the avg family usually has dinner around 6-8pm in their own homes. When the time comes(which is far away right now) we are thinking about calling each guest and family up personally to EMPHASIZE that they need to show up on time and that we will not wait for anyone and everything will start on time, including dinner. I think making a big deal about it a few weeks before and reminding everyone personally would WORK. Otherwise, it'll be another wedding that states "7:30 p.m. start time" on the card and everyone arrives at the hall after 9 p.m.! It's become a tradition now it seems...

@Reha

I attended a wedding once where the entire function was combined.

What the bride and groom did is print separate cards for their guests. The girls' side invited their side to a reception and the guys' side was invited to the walima.

Reha, the card idea is actually interesting...inviting girl's side to event as "shaadi/baraat" and inviting guy's side to event as "walima"...this way each side feels that they properly fulfilled their part of the joint reception and there's less confusion from guests. This way, even if we were to have a Nikah portion before the reception at the same event it could be worded on the card as :
Nikah Ceremony & Wedding Reception on girl's side wedding card.

Nikah Ceremony & Walima Reception on boy's side wedding card.

[Reha]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

^ Yup. It worked out beautifully and if I remember correctly even the event itself was a combination of both.

The bride and groom came separately but left together...like they didn't depart in a rukhsati-type situation.

The colors were neutral-ish - I think yellow and something else. I can't remember exactly what.

[somegroovychick]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

the two separate-but-same cards also work because i'm sure the bride's side will want to mention her name first on the card, and your family will want your name first. that's how i've designed cards for previous desi brides and it always works well since each side can personalise the invitation to their own specs and no one is left feeling offended.

[GroomDoc]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

the two separate-but-same cards also work because i'm sure the bride's side will want to mention her name first on the card, and your family will want your name first. that's how i've designed cards for previous desi brides and it always works well since each side can personalise the invitation to their own specs and no one is left feeling offended.

Yeah, that's a really good idea. We were thinking of having wording along the lines of
Mr. & Mrs. XXX & Mr. & Mrs. XXX
jointly invite you to the wedding reception of their children
XXXXX & XXXXX
Obviously, not that exact wording, but that's a rough draft of what we had in mind.
But I like the idea of creating your own card for each side and mentioning either the bride or the groom's name first. Definitely makes it more personalized and would make more sense to the guests receiving it.

[Sarasheraz]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

hii to alll,

[Sarasheraz]

Re: Need your opinion on Joint Shaadi/Walima Reception!

me n my fiancee are also thinking to have a joint wedding reception.. can u pls share ur experience?