Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
^^^ jahez is givin 1000% but in the uk! My parents gave us all a house fully furnished with all the thi gs needed n done :)... ANd now they r givin it double (things my sis never gonn use, cuz she will not stay for a long time jn pk)...mum.n dad even us everythin but in the uk as we r living here. But cuz of their demands they are makin double expenses.
My parents r not only giving suits, and bedroom furniture, a tv s added for her bedroom aswell... And they r givin ma shaa allah gold and diamonds aswell ( not only for my sis but also for her mil and sils!
To me, it all sounds very good and your parents are doing well. My point is that your sisters inlaws due to their nature will not be satisfied and do nitpick about it, even when you guys think you've done well..
Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
PLEASE URGE YOUR PARENTS NOT TO BE SO HASTY IN MAKING DECISIONS! DON'T TAKE DESICION OF MARRIAGE OR TAALAQ IN HASTE OR IN ANGER!
A 1000 pounds is really not a big deal when they are giving so many other things.
From my personal experience with my inlaws and plenty of other ppl - PAKISTANI grooms side expects Jahez and a lavish wedding. I am don't condoning or saying it is Islamic but that's unfortunately the way it is. The family of the groom think it is their birthright. If your sister is of the age of marriage then your parents should do their utmost to find her a suitable rishta. These stupid hangups are there with most marriages. Have a neutral, stable third party determine what are reasonable demands and what are not . Many parents will lie and say that they don't want any Jahez but it is most often a lie.
I think it is bigger crime not to get girls married off at a proper age. Tell your parents to use their judgement when making any desicions that will impact someone's life. Most paki families expect and demand Jahez but not all are horrible afterwards. Marriage is a gamble SIMPLY PUT. There are no guarantees. I have even seen siblings ask for Jahez when marriages among their children took place. It's bad and unislamic but it is what is.
Ask your parents and your sister to do Istikhaara . please look at other factors before making a desicion. If your parents can afford tell them to go to Pakistan and discuss all matter objectively since Nikah has already taken place.
In an ideal world Nikah should be very simple and Valima should be more grand. But I have seen the reverse. In some cases some grooms family opt not to do the Valima and skip it altogether. Why Bc they are handing over their treasure chest to the girls side.
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
Did you guys look at anything other than them being wealthy?
Your parents did stuff for your sister to make her life here better. But you have to realise that her inlaws don't give a rats behind about any of that. Unfortunately, it's all about keeping up appearances - they just want to know what she's coming with that will impact them. They might be wealthy and that just means that they have certain expectations of what the DIL should have coming with her... they have to show off to their friends right?
Anyway, in all of this. What about the guy? What does he do, what was the plan for him after coming here? If you can't envisage a stable future for him, where he can support your sister himself, then all the wealth his family might have or everything your parents have done for your sister (house etc) are useless.
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
As for the 49 suits, furnished house etc, thats somethin my parents have given to all of us Ma Shaa Allah. The sofa set, bedroom set and household equipments were more likely to have the mouth shut of the inlaws.
About the wealth of the fam, they have a lot of daulat jaydad,zameen and all that (we know that cuz the fams have a blood relation in the far past) and mom and dad had given the rishta after proper check up.
Mashallah. It makes a lot of sense to judge the background of a family by amount of daulat and jaydaad and zameen. Are you sure you guys are living in the UK? So this was your peace of mind? Listen, wealth is good. Nothing wrong with having money. Its the improper use of it that's putting you in this position. Your parents are doing a great job of putting up their son in law here but like someone else has said...this is about your inlaws now. THEY want stuff for their own use and home. I don't think their son is capable of affording these things so they're asking. If they truly were wealthy and had daulat and jaydaad and zameenein then they'd not beg for things. But they cannot and know full well their son is not able to so this is it. This is their only shot.
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
Mashallah. It makes a lot of sense to judge the background of a family by amount of daulat and jaydaad and zameen. Are you sure you guys are living in the UK? So this was your peace of mind? Listen, wealth is good. Nothing wrong with having money. Its the improper use of it that's putting you in this position. Your parents are doing a great job of putting up their son in law here but like someone else has said...this is about your inlaws now. THEY want stuff for their own use and home. I don't think their son is capable of affording these things so they're asking. If they truly were wealthy and had daulat and jaydaad and zameenein then they'd not beg for things. But they cannot and know full well their son is not able to so this is it. This is their only shot.
What do you mean?... My mom and dad have saved every lill bit since they got here 35 years ago. A few years ago dad bought a execution flat of 4 floors as an investment.... At that time he had rented it to fams ....so the investment made came out good... So now when we got married etc he gave us a floor per person (my eldest brother id living with my parents.
@stoppit And no...we didnt looked for the wealth of the fam..the criteria of my sis was "educated" the boy has done mba...another criteria was a small fam ( the boy has 2 sisters and 1 brother... All arr educated) and last criteria was a good believer....
The wealth thing aint important for my parents or my sis, cuz eventually she wont be staying there at alllll...
Thr boy is currently emploid at a bank in pk... My sis gave him some expat company job links so that he can apply for the jobs... He didnt do it!!! He told my sis that he was too busy and told her she should do it for him! (this expat company provided visa ...housing ...lang courses even visa for the fam members...and he refused.
I dont know what hr wants to do if he gets here... Cuz i dont believe a word said by him
@iraj... Mum did istikhaara and the result wasn't good. My sis and i did it to but the results are a bit confusing cuz before the nikah the results of the istikhaara were good...
@twinklestar ..we werr against talaak but the things done and said by the other side has put us on a point that we r just puzzled and don't see any other way out. What if the boy gets here and gives my sis talaak after gettin settled? What if she has a baby or 2 by that time??
@ sara...ninjamummy & khattichick i know its sick and i am shocked that an educated fam like this can do things likr this... Do remember us in ur prayers sisters ...
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
PLEASE URGE YOUR PARENTS NOT TO BE SO HASTY IN MAKING DECISIONS! DON'T TAKE DESICION OF MARRIAGE OR TAALAQ IN HASTE OR IN ANGER!
A 1000 pounds is really not a big deal when they are giving so many other things.
From my personal experience with my inlaws and plenty of other ppl - PAKISTANI grooms side expects Jahez and a lavish wedding. I am don't condoning or saying it is Islamic but that's unfortunately the way it is. The family of the groom think it is their birthright. If your sister is of the age of marriage then your parents should do their utmost to find her a suitable rishta. These stupid hangups are there with most marriages. Have a neutral, stable third party determine what are reasonable demands and what are not . Many parents will lie and say that they don't want any Jahez but it is most often a lie.
I think it is bigger crime not to get girls married off at a proper age. Tell your parents to use their judgement when making any desicions that will impact someone's life. Most paki families expect and demand Jahez but not all are horrible afterwards. Marriage is a gamble SIMPLY PUT. There are no guarantees. I have even seen siblings ask for Jahez when marriages among their children took place. It's bad and unislamic but it is what is.
Ask your parents and your sister to do Istikhaara . please look at other factors before making a desicion. If your parents can afford tell them to go to Pakistan and discuss all matter objectively since Nikah has already taken place.
In an ideal world Nikah should be very simple and Valima should be more grand. But I have seen the reverse. In some cases some grooms family opt not to do the Valima and skip it altogether. Why Bc they are handing over their treasure chest to the girls side.
Its not about paying the visa... Dad is willing to pay, but the boys side of fam aint spending nything! They made US pay for the wedding dresses...they want US to pay the visa. What if tge boy claims everythin of my sis when he gets here? Demands her sending the salary to pk? Abhi sey yeh maangeyn heyn to agey ja ker kya hoga?
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
^ EXACTLY!!! That is what we are all saying! Divorce is not a death sentence, that you guys should be scared of the "dhaba". Better to end it now with your sister's dignity in tact than to set up her up for a life time of misery with lalchi people who measure her worth by material things
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
Divorce is hard...no one said it isn't. But you're not evaluating your sister's quality of life with and without this man. With this guy...she will forever be an ATM machine for him and his family. Which by the way...they don't sound very wealthy because NO ONE gets divorced over a thousand pounds. Its shady and weird...daal mein kuch kala hai.
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
^ EXACTLY!!! That is what we are all saying! Divorce is not a death sentence, that you guys should be scared of the "dhaba". Better to end it now with** your sister's dignity in tact than to set up her up for a life time of misery with lalchi people who measure her worth by material things**
Thats true, that's the reason why dad and mum have decided to make an end to it, but they still wonder if it is the correct thing to do. But now with a daily drama and something new everyday, they r convincing more day by day...
Divorce is hard...no one said it isn't. But you're not evaluating your sister's quality of life with and without this man. With this guy...she will forever be an ATM machine for him and his family. Which by the way...they don't sound very wealthy because NO ONE gets divorced over a thousand pounds. Its shady and weird...daal mein kuch kala hai.
Exactly what my mum is wondering.... Key kuch na kuch to hey why this s happening.... there is more than only a money issue.. i mean like u said it's about less than 1000 pounds (150 000 pkr)... When my sis asked her husband "what would you do if my wedding dress is above the 150 000 pkr? would you let me get married in my old clothes, cuz you don't have money? He simply said, it is not about the money, he has saved more than enough to make her 6 wedding dresses. So when she said, that means you can pay the visa, he said no i can't
So i am also a bit confused now... but i do think divorce is the best option now ...
True Reha, my sister has worked hard since her Nikah to make things work (she was graduating, studying and working fulltime) mayb now she can have some mental and physical rest....
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime…
The guy says he has enough money to buy you six dresses, but when asked if he’d pay for the visa…he Can’t. He’s ignoring your sister and posting cryptic messages on FB to hurt her. He says he’s too busy to fill out a job application with amazing benefits that she’s found him.
What is your sister marrying him for? His unpredictability…his mysteriousness …his laid-back chill attitude…Wait, is it his sense of humor? Ok I’ll give him that…the guy is kinda funny (in a warped way).
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
Thats true, that's the reason why dad and mum have decided to make an end to it, but they still wonder if it is the correct thing to do. But now with a daily drama and something new everyday, they r convincing more day by day...
Exactly what my mum is wondering.... Key kuch na kuch to hey why this s happening.... there is more than only a money issue.. i mean like u said it's about less than 1000 pounds (150 000 pkr)... When my sis asked her husband "what would you do if my wedding dress is above the 150 000 pkr? would you let me get married in my old clothes, cuz you don't have money? He simply said, it is not about the money, he has saved more than enough to make her 6 wedding dresses. So when she said, that means you can pay the visa, he said no i can't
So i am also a bit confused now... but i do think divorce is the best option now ...
True Reha, my sister has worked hard since her Nikah to make things work (she was graduating, studying and working fulltime) mayb now she can have some mental and physical rest....
im really sorry for your sisters circumstance but i think the best thing to do is to take your sister aside away from your parents etc and discus how she personally feels about this and what she wants to do next. casue SHE is the one who will have to live with him if hes bad or good and no one else so she and her potential children will be the ones who suffer if hes not good. good luck anyway
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime…
Neah, he aint on FB, but his sisters are doing it. My sister and my parents didn’t knew that he would change like this… If they would, they would never ever gonn let the nikah happen… n i don’t see any funny side of it… It is weird, Bizar and intehayi ghatiya.. But not funny
Re: Need ur advice and prayers during this hard ttime...
Exactly what my mum is wondering.... Key kuch na kuch to hey why this s happening.... there is more than only a money issue.. i mean like u said it's about less than 1000 pounds (150 000 pkr)... When my sis asked her husband "what would you do if my wedding dress is above the 150 000 pkr? would you let me get married in my old clothes, cuz you don't have money? He simply said, it is not about the money, he has saved more than enough to make her 6 wedding dresses. So when she said, that means you can pay the visa, he said no i can't
