need to vent

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: need to vent

Do you have any close family (siblings/parents) who are close by to you that you can confide in? Perhaps they know more about your situation, and can guide you properly as well, given that they would have your best interest at heart.

22

Re: need to vent

m getting so turned off by desi men… except for my bros they all seem to have mommy’s and/or daddy’s boy issues :snooty: very unattractive’

@ OP divorce is not a step meant to be taken lightly… my suggestion:

  1. is wait and watch see how your hubby’s talk with his parents turns out,
  2. try to work something out so that you and your hubby can be in the same room
  3. if all else fails buy a house in the neighborhood tell ur hubby ur moving out and he is welcome to join you and support both his wife and kid(s) and family financially while living with you :snooty:
23

^^that is a very fyne piece of advice...

someone close would know about 80-90 percent of wats going on, while we probably know no more than 10-50 percent.... but in the long run only the OP knows her situation 100% she can listen all the advice she gets from anyone...and evaluate which advice would work in her suggestion..no one can do this evaluation better than her...the only challenge would be keeping her emotions out and evaluating which advice suits her situation in essentially a clinical manner

24

Re: need to vent

You said your husband sleeps in a different room. Why can't your daughter sleep in that room so that you and your husband can be in one room? If you don't have space, try to create it somehow and spend more time with your husband. Maybe your daughter can sleep in your in-laws' room.

If after being in one room, he still doesn't speak to you, then you need to figure out the cause of the distance... is it really about your in-laws and space? maybe you two haven't spent much time together since having a child? etc.

Don't get too mad at your in-laws for making fun of you. Your relationship with them isn't horrible. Is your husband their only son?

25

yaar; we’re not all bad lol ; I think it’s just getting used to living with an entire different family for girls, and then they have to give up a lot of things (from the time in the houses they grew up in) which they maybe took for granted, or had which they can’t after they move in to the in laws. It’s a pretty unnatural thing to go through IMO, but that’s how a lot of families are.

26

everybody is soooooo sweet here... thank you all for great help ((((HUG)))

okay me and my husband talked and tried to sort out stuff... so now we are gonna try to make things work and i am gonna wait... insha-Allah everything will be fine

27

Re: need to vent

Good.

Wow. Can't believe he has put you through all that. What couple doesn't sleep together? So friggin wrong.

28

Very true!
Personally I would never get over if my husband ever say that he can leave me but not his parents.

29

Re: need to vent

Yeah I wouldn't get over such a hurtful comment either.

30

I don't usually post but I couldn't stop myself from posting on one thing which is the couples not sleeping in the same room. Don't see the big deal in it. My and my wife doesn't sleep in one room but that doesn't mean that we don't love each other. My daughters and wife sleep in one room while I sleep in another for about 4 years now and it has not effected our life at all.

31

"I'd rather leave you than my parents." OUCH....that's harsh. This is a very delicate issue and harsh comments like that only make things worse and can lead to resentment.

Can't compare parents to spouse. They're two different relationships with totally different rights. It's so easy to say such words....but to carry them out is another story. They're easier said than done. Especially in situations where your spouse is not just your spouse but the PARENT of your child. To say something like that over a suggestion.......that's not right.

Haven't read through the thread, but figure out what exactly is bothering you about living with your in-laws...other than limited space. And then work out some possibilities and weigh them out. Hope things get better.

32

You have no desire to interrupt this arrangement you have?

33

u would be surprised mate of how many do..

a lot of husbands take the spare room cus they've gotta go to work and stuff.

Hooria, glad you and ur husband are talking again.

Remember, whatever happens... keep the communication with him strong. Talk to him about stuff and tell him how you feel. But before telling him, relay the thoughts in your head and see how may they sound when being spoken, and if you were in his shoes, how you would take it.

34

desi guy 9 times out of 10 = mama's boy

u have to deal with it ladies..even if u dont..u have to ..women in paksitan deal with it all the time..

the only way to keep the luv between u and hubby is to treat and love his family just like ur own..theres no way aorund this..

and hooria..if ur in-laws dont talk to u..who cares?! seriously..there are bigger probs in this world..we need to pick our fights instead of whining about little things

i think we forget that the guy loves his famiy just as much we love our own..hes not a robot just there for joru's ghulami..we should undesrtand this instead of trying to go against iit..its not always easy but i think its doable if u keep quiet and respect ur husbands family whatever u may be feeling inside..u got to..and if u keep nagging him about his family one day ur gonna have the divorce papers in ur hand and u ll be crying..a lot

35

wow !

relationship with parents and with spouse is completely different. no wife would want to listen that she is second and his family is first. If the guy can not balance it's a fault at his side not wife's and if the guy is idiot enough to divorce wife on such things then good for her that she didn't end up spending her life with such a looser.

something are easier said than done.

it's good if in-laws learn some manners too.

and you forgot to blame her for taking care of herself and her daughter financially ? please criticise her for that too.

36

Its actually my wife's arrangement as she doesnt want to leave her daughters all by themselves so I dont see that happening anytime soon..

37

Re: need to vent

HMMMM, i think you need to talk to him, properly and seriously. does he know your on anti-depressants....and ask him why he will leave his parents before you...and if uses islamic references, know your rights too. quite frankly, im the sort of person i wouldve knocked his block off had he said he would leave me before parents...he shoulda married them then. i blame the parents as much as him, they have brought him this way. and its your right to ask for a seperate accomodation, if your not satisfied with where you are.

talk to the guy, you have to. and seriously. by not saying anything/tAKIing anti depres..etc your coming across as defeated already, and im sure thats how theyl want it.

38

Re: need to vent

soni27-its sad thaT DESI GUYS are considered mamas boys. does that mean that the rest of the male population living in the uk/america/everywhere else are NOT....ive seen boys here cling on to their mothers even after a certain age....ive also seen the oppsite..where the boys have lost all respect for their mothers and treat them badly just to look like he loves the wife more...to his wife...

39

Re: need to vent

I can understand sleeping in separate rooms sometimes in certain situations......but permanently?

40

Re: need to vent

hooria- u should say to ur husband if your dad had left your mum for his parents, would your mum have appreciated it....and you being their son, surely you woulve grown up without a father seeing as he had left you and ur mother for his mum and dad....

now does ur husband have a sister...imagine his sisters husband said the same thing to her.....then what?