how do you get ur husband who just came out of employment just under 2months ago ( contract ended) into looking for jobs ACTIVELY..
I mean 2 or 3 jobs a day isnt enough, me nagging shouldnt be necessary, or me running around finding vacancies on net etc should be a supplement to his work, not the only thing. he thinks filling oput 1 or 2 forms a day ( which he says took him hours) is enough…i cant see the urgency in him, that have in me…its soo frustrating…he can play playstation until the fat woman sings, but he cant look for jobs for over an hour…he did today because i yelled at him..god its like im his mother…
there was this one job i liked, he wouldnt apply because what would my parents think…god hes soooo obsessed with his parents, they edcuated him to a masters level..ok wow wee…now get over urself and **** get into employment..does he think alan sugars/trump/bransonssss sitting here waiting for him…and his parentssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
only the best for their son…i mean they think hes done the world a favour by getting a degree…and would be mortified if he was doing a measly job…im so sick of hearing what will my mum dad say…im actually more angry at them than him, he may happily do any job, but they think the sun shines out his degree and that only the queen and its mother is good enough for their diamond of a son…
and im pregnant..so forgive my hormones…if its them…
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
Awww Nadz. Don't worry. InshAllah he will find a job. Is he currently receiving unemployment or what? He will have to wake up and smell the coffee because the bills are not going to stop and it's his responsibility to pay them.
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
we have no bills thank god, and we have money alhumdulilah however its not the point. i dnt know if its laziness or not. he does want a job, but i think he think he wont ever get a good one..so hes just getting disheartened...and his parents dont help....who expect the very best.....hes from pak...and its a privelege for him to get a masters from the uk, while most people here have degree but we dont sit on it....he seems to think or his parents do, that hes the one person in the world whose got the masters levels and should be given direct access to the head chief of bank of england or something.....and his mum gosh, she actually said to me that she couldnt bear to tell her friends backhome that her son was only working in a clothes store.....she laughed and said its embarassing...
she said this while he was working for retailer......
whoaaaa....his contract ended? does this mean that both of KNOWINGLY decided to bring a child into this world when he was gonna lose his job half way through the pregnancy? i'm sorry i don't want to be mean here I sincerely hope this whole situation works out especially since he's about to become a father and the desire to take care of his baby to the best of his abilities should've been forcing him to look for a job even before the contract ended but oh my gosh what were you thinking? just make sure you've got a whole lotta cash in your savings account reserved especially for survival after the baby comes just in case it takes longer than expected to find a new job. and being desis the one thing we've got that goras don't is our "community connections" soo make sure you contact all your aunts/uncles etc and just let them kno that hubby is lookin so in case one of their companies is hiring they'll let you know and get him an interview at the least. tell him that while he's worrying about what his parents might think of a certain job he should also imagine what his lil baby will think if he/she ever found out that he was unable to provide for him/her just cuz he was embarrassed of a job title.
whoaaaa....his contract ended? does this mean that both of KNOWINGLY decided to bring a child into this world when he was gonna lose his job half way through the pregnancy? i'm sorry i don't want to be mean here I sincerely hope this whole situation works out especially since he's about to become a father and the desire to take care of his baby to the best of his abilities should've been forcing him to look for a job even before the contract ended but oh my gosh what were you thinking? just make sure you've got a whole lotta cash in your savings account reserved especially for survival after the baby comes just in case it takes longer than expected to find a new job. and being desis the one thing we've got that goras don't is our "community connections" soo make sure you contact all your aunts/uncles etc and just let them kno that hubby is lookin so in case one of their companies is hiring they'll let you know and get him an interview at the least. tell him that while he's worrying about what his parents might think of a certain job he should also imagine what his lil baby will think if he/she ever found out that he was unable to provide for him/her just cuz he was embarrassed of a job title.
dude the point of venting is you listen and don't criticize the wrong decisions or watever else someones made and just give them advicee
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
hey, i agree with you that yes what will baby think....if he doesnt take up jobs...
but im 6months preg...and his contract ended with them just giving one months notice in march..a
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
^No work is bad as long as it's halal earning...go with that to your MIL...I mean politely explain that to her from the religious point of view
and then there is always the economic state...that does not seem to be improving...out line the facts to her. Tell her eventually God willing great opportunities will come along and everyone starts from some point. Greatness can not be achieved over night, I mean.
I am a bit confused, did your husband get a Masters from U.K. and is disheartened at his job prospects?
Well, you could try explaining to him that you understand that it's important what his parents think. Because it is. We all care about the good opinion of the people who brought us up and sacrificed for us.
That said, parents are imperfect beings just like the rest of us. They don't always get it right. I understand that having a masters, it's a blow to the ego if you end up working at Starbucks, but you know something? It shouldn't be. Because as long as it's honest work and you're not going against Allah's commandments, then no labor is "beneath" anybody. And yeah...I know that's easy to say, but not so easy to do.
So maybe you could try explaining that to your hubby? That it may feel like a step down, but it's work and a paycheck and in these horrid economic times that the entire world is experiencing, ANY job, so long as it's honest, is a good one to have.
You could perhaps also discuss with him that if he's so concerned about what people will think...well, what about how two very important people in his life think? I mean you Nadz and your baby. You are his wife. How can you feel like a wife and respect him as a wife when you are constantly having to nag him like a mother? I'm sure that can't be enjoyable for you or him. And a child should be able to look up to his parents, have faith that they will protect and care for them. What's gonna happen to that faith if Abbu is dragging on the job search and Ammi is arguing with him about it every few days?
And Nadz, if it helps, he's not the only one experiencing this whole thing of working years for a higher degree and then having to choose between no jobs in one's field of study or a job at the local fast food joint. There are tons of people - many, many, many desis among them (regardless of whether or not they'll admit it) - who are facing that choice. I spent 7 years in school. There's nothing in my field. I'm still looking in my field, but I've expanded my search to pretty much anything and everything that I'm remotely qualified for...including that job at Starbucks. ;)
hey, i agree with you that yes what will baby think....if he doesnt take up jobs...
but im 6months preg...and his contract ended with them just giving one months notice in march..a
ohhh ok well if neither of you could've predicted it then obviously its not your fault. apologies. Well don't fret...its sweet to see that you're concerned enough that you're nagging him like a mother. Just don't let him give up on the search all together...and make sure you stay excited about any job prospects, interviews, etc that he does land so he doesn't go into depression or feel like the job's not worth his degree and experience. be his cheerleader for a few days and maybe he'll become more active in his pursuit :)
he is looking for almost everything excpet the one i asked him to. it was meter reading and u go into peoples houses for it. but he used the what will parents think as a reason, if he had simply said i dnt want to go into people homes i would understand better. he does apply for retail too, i dnt know why he didnt think of parents then.
however i havent actually spoke to his mum about it, maybe next time, and i doubt itl come across as anything but rude.....
i dnt want to sound like he isnt looking at all, but its not urgent/good enough as from where im sitting...
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
BY THE WAY i have to add, his parents could fairly easily land him a good job in pakistan..due to his fathers connections( his dad is a chief exec of a multinational there ) sooooo hes only here because i dnt want to go pak yet...so really theres an alternative to his career choice..if i nag too much, he could say well why arent we in pak then il have a good salary there etc...
its true, here he is doing the typcial retail jobs etc, where he could have a better life there, i dnt want to nag too much....im so stuckkkkk........
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
I know that the job market is tough, but why isn't he looking for a job in his own field? I understand you've got the baby to think about and a job is better than no job - but why not focus on a career connected to his degree, but keep his options open to other jobs? As most people will tell you - you need to be happy/content in your career or you'll resent having to wake up and going into work - so it's less the status of the job and more the satisfaction.
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
My mammoo is the same way. Tried "looking" for a job here but putting your resume on monster and expecting phone calls won't get you anywhere.
I think the way they look for jobs is different in Pakistan and so they don't understand how we in the west actually job hunt. In pakistan, they're used to a phone call and then bam, their job is set.
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
Ummm... he has a Masters degree from UK right? Why is he not looking for jobs that are in his line (of whatever he studied and wants to follow as a career) and have growth potential ...... what growth does a meter reading job have? He should look for entry-level jobs in his field .... start at the bottom and then grow..... if it was me, I wouldn't do that job too, unless it was majboori like I really needed to pay bills and stuff.
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
You gotta aggressively look for jobs after a masters. You can't sit there playing playstation and freak out your pregnant wife.
HE IS LOOKING FOR A JOB IN HIS FIELD.....and because it came to no avail, he had to start looking everywhere....he has a telecommunications degree.....engineering......and he has no relevant experience...so no one will take him....
^I agree… but no amount of nagging is going to help. Let me tell you a secret… its mostly emotional blackmail/manipulation that works with men in such a situation. He has to realize he’s responsible for a wife and will be responsible for a child soon and raising kids is so expensive these days :hinna:. I will try to think of some dialogues that might help. I’ll get back to you soon nadz
Re: need to vent too...hubby and inlawsss
Why does a girl have to even go through all that? This should be common sense to men before they start reproducing.
HE IS LOOKING FOR A JOB IN HIS FIELD.....and because it came to no avail, he had to start looking everywhere....he has a telecommunications degree.....engineering......and he has no relevant experience...so no one will take him....
Has he tried interning? That should get him some experience, before he can start applying again. I don't have much info on the UK market, wish I could help there.
Do you have job fairs there? They are usually held at college campuses, and they usually look for fresh graduates..... he can start going to those. He has to do some networking, thats what my husband used to do, A LOT.
Why does a girl have to even go through all that? This should be common sense to men before they start reproducing.
Thats life, I've seen people like that...... and from what nadz said his parents are rich, so I guess he's not too bothered about money matters.