well I am a bachelor who is looking for love in this big world. I have roots from Pakistan and is born in Holland. In January this year I visited Pakistan with my parents and they introduced me to several girls. I didn’t find any of them interesting and my parents where very angry on me, cause they want me to get married as soon as possible. I am 28 years old and think there is no need for hurry, but they are allways pushing me… you know as all desi parents do.
Before returing back to Holland we where invited to dinner to a friend of my father. I knew them a bit, but only parents. There I met their daughter and liked her very much. I got a very positive impression of her, and later told my parents when we came home that she could be a suitable wife for me.
My parents said that I can just forget it, I said why, we are in same level when it comes to education and family wealth. We are even richer than them, but my father said that she is a bit older than you and a girl who is that high educated is difficult to handle. She has modern thoughts and you need a traditional girl. She has male friends and it is not popular in our culture. But I am wondering that if she has male friends, why is she still single. She is high educated and work full time. Another thing that my father pointed out was that, lets say if I ask for her hand for you and they reject us, it will effect our friendship.
I got very sad, and think about her some times. Maybe I am starting to like her more. My father said that he will show me more girls, but I just get angry on him.
Now I am wondering that if I next time go to Pakistan what should I do to get to know that girl. I think she is a very nice girl, but my parents dont like her.
You know in a muslim culture there are some codes and since we have very close family relations it is very hard for me to behave like a romeo. My parents are very traditionals.
This is really sad...I dont know why desi parents do this. And I cant believe that we are in 2010 and women are being rejected as suitable wives because they are "too educated".
My advice is to bring it up again and be mature in the conversation. Tell your parents that you expected them to support your decision since YOU will be married to the woman. That you actually want a smart woman, someone who will also encourage education for your children. Say you dont care that she is older. And there is maybe a chance she feels the same way and wants to be with you too, so why not take a chance? That said, are you expecting to stay with your parents after marriage? Because since she is working full time, she might want to continue doing so after marriage. And it seems that your parents expect a DIL that stays home...it would be a waste for her, in terms of having studied and having to give up her ambitions.
Well just becaue she has male friends doesn't mean she has to marry one of her friends. I didn't marry any of my friend. So please.........
So I am assuming her being older is not an issue. Traditional girls are not educated?? If you mean, your parents want you to marry an uneducated girl, God help you with that. I understand that everyone wants to find a partner who can understand them better. If there is a conflict of thoughts I can understand that. But to say no to a girl because of her education is a bit weird.
I suggest you talk to this girl first to find out if she is the one. You wouldn't know her unless you talk to her. I had a lot of male friends in college, I didn't marry any of them. I actually don't even talk to them anymore.
You have to ask yourself first, if you will be comfortable with your wife working, having male friends, being highly educated. If you are fine with everything, I don't see an harm in initiating conversation. Get to know her better but like I said know what you want yourself first. You can't judge someone if you don't know them. If you really like her after getting to know her, I am sure you can easily convince your parents.
why dont u start a talk with the girl ......n propose her ......in this way u father's friendship will also wont be affected .......because is she says yesh than u can send ur parents too
Get phone number from your father , and call them up . Try try again , kabhi tu phone uthaya ge . Or try to find her over facebook / myspace etc . Do you know where she works ?
Dude where there is a will there is a way . Good luck :k:
She probably wasn't interested in her male friends. Maybe you're the person who is right for her. It's good to know that you're open minded to older, educated, and working girls.
In the mean time, try to contact her... facebook, IM, email, phone... talk to her in between the time before your next Pakistan trip. If she seems interested in you too, the propose to her. If both of you are happy, then your fathers will accept you too inshAllah. Also, continue looking at the other proposals to be sure you don't like any other girl, but also to reject them to prove a point to your parents. The girl's father should be happy since you like his daughter the way she is.
Your parents just don't like the girl. If they had they would have shown her to you in the very beginning I mean they would not have taken the hassle of going to many homes to search for a rishta. She is not a good rishta for you in their eyes.
I realy don't have any advise for you. Can't advise you to go against your parents and can't tell you to forgo your right of liking a girl. Pray and just hope that they also start liking her.
i might not be mature enough to give u much advice..but still,i think u need to sit down and think what u want.if you think you are okay with a slightly older,educated and working woman,and you have no problems with her firends..then i think u should try to get to know her...its possible that once you talk to her ,u might not even like her..weirs things can happen,!
and also..think about what ur parents want from their DIL..if you go against your parents and marry her,its not gona be right..they will never accept her..but yep if u think ur parents might consider her if u really do like her..then give a try.
and the most important thing..just pray,leave it in HIS hands,im sure whatever is best for u will happen...but dnt rush and dont get angry with your parents..thats not gona help..gud luck!
There's nothing wrong with the girl, it's ur parents thinking that is wrong. Just because girls are educated and have male friends that does not mean that they will not make good wives and mothers. If u feel something in ur heart for this girl then go for it and get to know her better. U might regret it later on in life that u let her slip thru ur fingers
sooo...you're 28. girl's older than you....meaning she's in her 30s? i mean its all good...but for a highly educated girl from a good family in PAKISTAN to remain unmarried til she's in her 30s is realllly rare. Your parents might be hesitating because they know of something in her past that you don't. I'd advise you discuss this further with your parents just to find out n make sure that you're comfortable with whatever it is that prevented her from gettin married all this time. i mean maybe it was just cuz she's more career-oriented n didn't even want to get married til now or just wanted to finish her education first. or maybe she's just picky with the rishtas she got all this time. but find out.
and green grass in dream ... nice nice ... :D .. but i do also agree with pkgrl000 ... you should look into it a bit more before just going all romeo on her!
but then again ... there are girls who choose to not get married until a certain age ... in Pakistan there is actually a group of women called "S-W-A-T" .. Single Women Above Thrity" ... so it's not sooooo uncommon for 30+ women to not be unmarried.
Hey, I am from Rotterdam. Have you been here, you must come to the Tulip festival.
Well, as all of you know it is hard to find good proposals in desi culture for high educated girls. The most important thing my parents are worried about is that the girl will have difficulties to get kids, since she is 30.
I know that there is not any hidden thing behind why they are not interested in her....anyway as a friend mentioned above, Allah knows the best, and He will do the best for me, cause I dont know anything, Only God knows. Help me Allah, amen.
My advice is also what others said.. Try to get in touch with the girl and find out who and how she really is.. I mean you saw her, you liked her.. And said that she'd be suitable as your wife.. But who is she..? What are her likes, dislikes.. get in touch with her like a friend.. Is she comfortable with all this..? Aahista aahista you'll get to know her and find out if she's really the one.. Try to get to know how she feels about it.. If you get a positive response, then it would be even more easy to convince your parents.. With a positive response from her side it shouldnt effect their friendship..
Other than that you also have to find out for yourself what do you like and want in a lifepartner, because I read a lot about what your parents want and think.. But I didnt really get how do YOU think about all this.. Your parents wanting a traditional, not so educated girl girl for you.. But how do YOU feel/think about all this.. A girl (any girl) who's open minded, modern, having male friends, working, high educated..? Afterall.. you're the one who's going to spend your life with her.. And you should let your parents know about how you think and feel about all this and tell them what you want.. I think your parents also should keep this in mind what their son wants.. And not just persue what THEY want.. because YOU're the one who's going to start a new life..
The most important thing my parents are worried about is that the girl will have difficulties to get kids, since she is 30.
Seriously..?! THAT's the most important thing they're worried about..?
Don't listen to your parents. Talk to the girl directly. Explain that you want to "friendship her", or whatever ;) . See if you guys click when you talk. If you still like her, let her know that you'd like to keep in touch with her and see more of her. If she agrees, eventually within the year --> propose. And tell your parents to suck it up and deal with it , because it is your life and not theirs.
There is NOTHING wrong with marrying someone a lil older than you. Or educated. Or a girl who has male friends.
Absolutely horrid thinking. This is why Pakistanis have no respect in the world. We don't even respect one another. This girl could be a total angel, and they've already assumed the worst.
sooo...you're 28. girl's older than you....meaning she's in her 30s? i mean its all good...**but for a highly educated girl from a good family in PAKISTAN to remain unmarried til she's in her 30s is realllly rare. **Your parents might be hesitating because they know of something in her past that you don't. I'd advise you discuss this further with your parents just to find out n make sure that you're comfortable with whatever it is that prevented her from gettin married all this time. i mean maybe it was just cuz she's more career-oriented n didn't even want to get married til now or just wanted to finish her education first. or maybe she's just picky with the rishtas she got all this time. but find out.
Oh my God. This is total BS. Nearly all of my cousins are pretty educated and go married in their young 30's and same goes with my mother's generation. My mom was 33 when she had me and 39 when she had my sister. It is common in some families to marry much later after completing an education, and my family has always stood firm on that not caring whether it means little or no rishtas coming for you.
In fact, nearly all the girls married pretty solid and good guys from sensible backgrounds, even though they waited so long. Only one turned out to be such a douchebag, and he just couldn't deal with the fact his wife worked like a dog when he didn't.
Terrible mentality. I am 27 now (officially, yay!!!) and I'm 3 years away from being dumped in the category you've conveniently created.
Talk to her - Facebook/Chat/Email. Maybe she is into someone else or not in to guys at all. I'd find out rather than waiting a year to find out and getting your panties in a bunch.
who you marry is your choice. your parents duty is to give you advice which they are giving. surely 30 is not such a young age. surely most pakistani parents think that very educated girls are difficult daughters in law. so they are just telling you what they think which is expected.
but that doesn't mean you cannot have your independent opinion based on which you cannot decide your own actions.
to everybody giving advice
what if the lady is NOT ok with chatting/facebook? but she liked Mr. Sinuhe too when she saw him? :) what should he do then?
maybe she liked him too but she even is not OK with talking to him on the phone if he calls? there is no reason why she should talk to a na-mehram guy on phone even if she likes him. what should he do then?
