Re: Need some advice please!
All I’m going to say is, after reading the whole thread, if you have made a decision, just stick to it. I know sometimes making the right decision for YOU, is much harder than we think, but we have to. There will be times when you’ll feel weak and vulnerable. There will be times when you will second guess your judgements and think what have you done. There will be tough times ahead for you, since you have gotten out of a 4 year relationship now, supposedly, but trust me as someone who has been there and done that, at the end of the day, you are going to pat your own back for making the right decision. That time won’t come soon, psychologists say it takes us 6 months to fall in love and at least a year to fall out of love, so if you did truly love this guy, you have a hell of a few months ahead of you, but unfortunately, this isn’t Bollywood where everything will eventually work out in the end.
Sometimes we have to look at things with the realistic lens. Not idealistic. Not the way we want them to be, but the way they are. Like many other people pointed out, it isn’t about money, but it is about ambition and the drive. If this guy is 31 and he doesn’t have a proper job even at the age of 31, then I’m sorry there’s something missing. He’s not even becoming a Doctor or something, that he needed all those years to study and establish himself. He’s studied business and done an MBA, as far as I can reckon from the thread. At most, a person is 25 by the time they are done with their MBA. He’s 31, that means he has wasted 6 years. Even if this person wasn’t well off and needed time to finish his studies, I know many people like that and they worked at the side. They funded their own education. As soon as they graduated, they picked up any job they could find and worked their way up. This is what ambition and will does to you.
You have every right to look for certain qualities in a partner, since you’ve achieved few things in life and you want to settle down now. I think you’ve done a good thing, by letting this go. This is why it is called a relationship. You get to know someone and over time you find out how they really are. If they match you or not. If your mental level matches theirs or not. If your life’s goals and ambitions are compatible with theirs or not. No one can force you to marry this guy, not even him. I am sorry, but you should never come under emotional pressure from anyone. You should not let your age be a defining factor in who you choose as a life partner, it should not be a decision done in haste. You spent few years working on your life and getting to where you are and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. You shouldn’t think that you wasted your youth on your career and now you’re doomed. You’ll never find a decent man. That’s untrue. I don’t know about the US, but I know for a fact in the UK, people marry a bit late. Later on in life. Late 20s or early 30s. I mean the guys. I know many of my friends who got married at the age of 25, 27, I know one who got married at the age of 32. They have found loving, decent and very well established husbands.
You need to open your eyes and look at the world around you. You have already spent 4 years of your life running after this ‘online’ character. He has never met you, never made the effort I am assuming and always required something from you. It is time you put everything aside and built a bridge to walk forward. For your and your life’s betterment. As soon as you let go of this character, you will get ample opportunities to meet new people and better ones. But for that, you have to give your self a chance. For something new to come in, you have to let go of the old one mate.