Need some advice please!

[superconfused]

Re: Need some advice please!

@redvelvet

OP, to answer your question it will take your boyfriend exactamously 225 days, 17 hours, 29 minutes and 41 seconds to achieve the level of financial stability that you desire…although what’s a good level for Pakistan may not be a good enough level for where you live. He says he’ll “change” after marriage? Why has he set marriage as the condition for change? As in …“no shadi then no change.” What if he was a smoker or a drinker or a gambler or a fornicator…would he still say, “Oh I’ll quit my detrimental habit after I get married. I choose ONLY to see the light after marriage and prior that I’ll just keep my eyes closed thankyouverymuch.” Having a job…a halal job…a good job…will make things easier for his parents and siblings. Or does the security and well-being of his immediate family matter LESS than that of yours OP? Surely his parents worry about his lack of progress and a job…or I’m guessing they do…and is that not a red flag for him to feel more motivated for his long-distance girlfriend than his own family? Shouldn’t it be the other way around…where when you see that a guy does RIGHT by his family and supports them, then you’ll have faith that he will also have the ehsaas for his responsibilities as a husband in the future?

Ask yourself…do you TRULY TRULY respect him or do you just like how he makes you feel about yourself? Or do you feel some amount of contempt for him?

Do I truly truly respect him? I don’t think so.
Do I like how he makes me feel about myself? I don’t think that was ever a big thing. I think what’s bigger is that I love the idea of him and the idea of having someone to love, if that makes sense.
Do I feel some amount of contempt for him? To be honest, yes. I gave him my heart and I trusted him to take care of it but he didn’t. So yes, on some level, I’m angry.

And you’re right…what you said makes sense. I have to accept my decision and move on. There’s no point in dwelling in ‘maybe situations’.

I’ve done istikhara many times but I’ll do it again and this time, I’m going to stick to my decision and see where it takes me. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen.