Re: Need some advice please!
You know his story is very similar to mine, I was once like him too. I had nothing for myself and I used to go around looking for love and that “One” true love. Little did I know that I was mistaken, so like a fool I fell head long in Love. To one and only girl who I’ll ever love. She was really beautiful and really ambitious. She used to pray so much but in her prayers she would always ask for a house and a big house, and I used to say “Why don’t you ever ask Allah for himself”. She wouldn’t understand my logic and called me “Majnun”. I had nothing to show for myself, I was still in school then. A little late finishing my bachelors. She said “My parents will never accept you, you don’t even have a bachelors, what will I say to my parents”. And I used to think is this all we need in life a piece of paper that defines our life? Year after year, I fell more and more in Love with her. So much so that it consumed me from another level. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, we finally decided that we would marry. I guess she had convinced her heart to over look my carelessness towards this world. She asked me “Whom do you love more”. I said the one who created, she would ask “No you can’t love Allah”. I would say “I love him more than anything”. She would ask “Even me?” I would say “Yes”. But she knew deep down I loved her more than anyone in this entire universe. She always said “Go find a job somewhere, work, you need to make money go find a nice car”. I never cared for all of that. I guess I’ve always been like that. Material things don’t appeal to me. I though that human love would be different. I told her “Things would come, slowly but surely, they will be here”. I told her “We’ll grow rich together, we’ll create a life for ourselves in which we’ll be happy we’ll be rich”. She didn’t believe in me, she didn’t have faith. She said “What will people say?” Always worrying about what people would say. I told her I’ll protect you from everyone. I wont anything happen to you. But my love didn’t amount to anything. At that time it didn’t have any merit in the world of men. As Allah says “Alas’ you love this world. You are followers of illusion, the real world is the hearafter”. I would argue with Allah “But I love her, I want her”. A whisper would come in my heart, “You fool you can’t love illusions.” then Rumi would say “Who do you love more…” and I wouldn’t have anything to say to him… I would sulk more and more in books of sufis. I read them over and over. How can men let go of their desires, desires of a woman and waste their lives away. How can they eliminte such desires. I wouldn’t understand it. She wouldn’t understand it. I asked her to give me time… she said “no… I can’t see a future with you”. That day she broke my heart. For the very first time I cried so much so that I felt I might never return to my senses…
Time went on, I had my Bachelors, then came job then came car and money and all the things that she wanted. With it false status and marriage proposals. But she isn’t here. Nothing is same without her. But she wouldn’t even care to notice my condition. She’s happy, am I happy? I guess I wont even know… I feel the guy’s pain now, I only wish that he will find Solace in Love of Allah. Sorry for the weird post, I had to get it off of my chest.
Thank you for sharing that. Your post made me feel really sad and now, of course, I’m second guessing myself.
We had similar conversations…the same as you described:
Things would come, slowly but surely, they will be here". I told her “We’ll grow rich together, we’ll create a life for ourselves in which we’ll be happy we’ll be rich”. She didn’t believe in me, she didn’t have faith. She said “What will people say?” Always worrying about what people would say. I told her I’ll protect you from everyone. I wont anything happen to you. But my love didn’t amount to anything.
If you don’t mind me asking, how long did it take for you to become financially stable enough to get married? And did you ever marry someone else? Did you try contacting her again?