Need some advice please!

[muspus]

@superconfused

Hi everyone,

This is a bit of a saga but I’ll try to keep it short andgive you the main points as succinctly as possible.

About 4 years ago, I met a guy online. He was studying abroad and I was in theMiddle East. We really hit it off buteventually, it ended (another long story…). In a nutshell, what’s been happening for thepast 4 years is that every few months, he’ll contact me and try to start thingsagain (I also contacted him 2 or 3 times). We’ve tried to meet several times but things just don’t seem to workout.

He wants our mothers to talk so we can get married but here’s the problem: I feel likeI’ve made a lot of progress in my life in the past 4 years whereas he seems tobe going backwards. I moved to NorthAmerica, finished grad school, got a good job, just bought a new car and am nowseriously saving for a house. He movedback to Pakistan after grad school and has been unemployed/in entry-level jobs ever since. The last time we spoke, hesaid why don’t we get married and I can sponsor him. I said no because he’s being lazy and if he wants to come, he needs to figure out a way to do it himself. He accused me of being arrogant and we endedhaving a huge fight.

I don’t know why we keep coming back to each other but forsome reason, we do. I know one of thethings about him that I really like is his ‘shareef-ness’. He’s always so polite and gentlemanly. I’ve talked to many guys over the years forpotential rishtas and guys can be real jerks. Plus, I guess he’s loyal if he keeps comingback. What I don’t like is his education(human resources) because he just can’t seem to find a decentjob. I also don’t like the way he doesn’tseem to be motivated to do much with his life. I’m very ambitious and he’s very relaxed about life. He thinks any choti si job is fine but that’s not ok with me.

I’m almost 30 and everyone I went to high school with is nowmarried so I’m really feeling the pressure. Sometimes I think I should just marry him; at least I’ll be with someone who really likes me but then I thinkabout the lifestyle I’m used to and I don’t know if I can let it go (don’t meanto sound arrogant but I want to be completely honest). Money comes and goes but how often do youfind a guy who chases you for 4 years? Or is there something strange about that in itself? I don’t want to sponsor him because what if he doesn’t try hard enough to find a job and I end up supporting us?

What should I do?

Do an istikharah. Seriously. Everything will become clear. Inshallah.