One of my closest friend is having issues in his marriage and I dun hv a clue abt relationships so I thought to gain sum wisdom over here and then pass it 2 him.
2 give u a background idea, my friend has been living in U.S for past 15 years, he got married couple of yrs ago thru the arranged marriage route. He didn't knew much about her n jus had met once before the wedding. He hv sum concerns initially coz the girl was over weight but then his family esp his father took his sahi ki class and he had to oblige.
to keep the story short his life has been literally a hell since then, the girl seem to have self-esteem and security issues. She is literally v abusive to her husband, I mean she'll call him abusive words which even the guys can't say over pity issues. It's been 5 yrs since they got married and the situation is worsening day by day. they hv fights ev single day. last week she tried to hurt her self with a broken glass and when the guy tried to stop her she attacked him and he cut his hand. 911 pays regular visits 2 their place for the domestic violence going on.
at 1st encounter she seems a decent girl but when a person starts talking to her the personality issues become evident. she thinks ev 1 around her is her enemy and is tyring to hurt her. she behaves more like a guy then a gal, becoming loud and harsh on smaller ev day things. My friend enrolled her in an accounting coarse so that she gets out of house which might change her way of thinking but she's not ready to do a job. he again enrolled her in a para medics coarse but she's not ready to sit in the licence exam. She gets a reasonable budgeted amount for house hold expenses and pocket money, still she makes stupid demands for expensive shoes and bags watching wat other wives are having. my friend earns well but there is a limit for evthing and if he denies then she degrades him v badly saying things like "tum tau mard hi nahin hau, tum kissi qabil nahin hau" n other crap like this. she literally gives ghattya galiyan to her husband. he's a guy n he gets raged and the situation worsens.
last yr his parents came to visit him and the girl behaved very bad with them also, she created such a fuss and behaved so badly with his parents that my friend has 2 take them 2 a hotel instead. His father was so embarrased and felt so miserable becuase he's the one who had arranged the marriage with his friend's daughter but the girl's father has already died.my friend has stayed away frm his parents fo so many years now he wants them to visit him and stay sum time with him in their last days but that can't happen. And it's not that the girl is immature or jahil, she's 30+ and did graduation but her behavior is like a pind ki larki. When she gets angry she dun even realize wat or 2 whom she is saying.
My friend wud hv easily left her but they hv a child, a son of around 3 1/2 yrs old n he luvs her son soooooooo much. he says that in this age the child needs both his parents n my friend him self can't live with out his son. but all this daily routine is impacting the kid also, the kid use to b happy, care free child now he just sits in isolated places n keeps quiet, he doesn't interact with other kids.
As a last resort my friend has sent her wife back to pakistan and sent a message to her family that get her treated sum where or knock sum sense into her. she'has 2 change her behavior owise no need 2 come back. but he was unable to live with out his son so after six months he hv to call her back. she's the only sister of six brothers may b that's the false sense of security which makes her do such silly and daring things. ev single day she asks her husband to do her "faysla". my friend took her to a marriage councellar and a psycatrist but she created a drama over there also. she throws things and shouts on ev 1 around her when she gets angry.
My friend is in such a dilemma, he can't leave her and dun wanna stay with her. what's the point of staying in a relationship when there is no love or more then that no respect for each other. it seems like that he had aged twice his age in the past 5 yrs. he's use 2 b such a nice and caring person, full of life but this relation ship has got the best out of him. he use 2 b so active in the social circle but now he's out of all of that. he doesn't concentrate on his job.
I dun hv any idea wat to suggest my friend, I dun understand intimate relationships so I try to avoid giving him suggestion. I simply can't understand why she wants ruin her own home. if God forbid sumthing bad happens she's the one who's going to hv all the drawbacks.
He isnt attracted to her physically and I bolded the part to show where the OP says that. The last bolded part serves to show how majboor and lachar this guy really is in his own home. If he really is that much of a bechara...then he should have had some serious trouble getting her on a plane and sending her back home with a message to straighten her out. It makes no logical sense to anyone who looks at it that the guy is an ANGEL and the girl is the DEVIL.
Wow....some very biased responses from some of our "enlightened" feminist guppans. I guess it proves what I believe to be true for a long time. Most "enlightened" women just can't stomach the fact that some women CAN be bad. Its kinda blatantly embarassing how they have concluded from the story that its the guy who's the devil.
I guess this is the breed of women who will blame their husbands even if a stray dog bit them..... u MUST have done something to irritate the poor dog !!!
Anyways, if the woman is in fact that unstable then the guy shudn't have any problem getting custody, sending her back home and finding a nice, stable woman.
In this post, you go ahead and take the man's side because you feel an educated woman is a feminist. Someone who stands for what they believe in is not necessarily a feminist...just someone who has the guts to do and say what they want. Now, in some villages this is considered to be out of character for a woman to do. I can understand if that is the case with you.
I think you are presuming that I believe the guy's side of story. I specifically said that IF what he says is true then he shudn't have any problem getting out of it. I doub't if he can "fake" her being bad and still be successful in a divorce and getting custody especially in a country like US. So if thats true, then he can/shud get out of it, if not then he won't be able to get the custody of the son.
Somehow I don't see how one can came to the conclusion (from the info presented) that he's doing everything he can to get out of this marriage and that he is not physically attracted to her.
Im not presuming anything. Take a look at your own words and you might see how biased and slanted you sound towards the man JUST because the poster has managed to show/portray him as the victim. I can rewrite the same thing from her perspective and you might believe me too. No worries.
It takes an enlightened person to see past what they are shown and look for themselves.