need serious advice

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I am 21 year old, nursing student older in the family and i like a boy that lives in pakistan and working on this degree. My mom has a idea that we r just friend but i eventually want to marry him. My family talk about my marriage alot and i alway avoid saying i have to finish my degree, the guy i like is still studing. How to i keep my parents from finding anyother guy for me? What do i say to them? I dont know. :frowning:

2

Re: need serious advice

Tell them you like to marry somone. Keeping things simple is the best policy.

Is there any reason you have to beat around the bush?

If you have to then good luck and keep finding good excuses till the boy of your liking is ready.

3

Re: need serious advice

Before you can even tell your parents that you would like to marry someone................do you know if he wants to marry you?

You mention in your post that you like him and eventually want to marry him....but you mention nothing about his feelings. And if you tell your parents about him first.....without knowing what he wants....then it will be an awkward situation for you and your family.

I think maybe you should tell this guy that your parents are searching rishtas for you. If he's serious about you...then he'll discuss the issue of marriage/when to send the parents, etc. Once you have that information....I think you'll feel more confident in telling your parents about him. And if both families meet and things go well....you can arrange for a longer engagment period....so that can give him to finish studies.

If you bring up that your parents are searching for you and he doesn't really do anything about....then he's not that interested.

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Re: need serious advice

Before doing anything:

  1. Evaluate your parents: a. Are they the type who will be okay with you finding someone? b. Or have they always been adamant that they will arrange your marriage?

If a:
Find out if the guy is serious and wants to marry you .

If b:
tough luck. you should have known better htan to "fall in love" when you knew what your parents expectations were.

Good advice, but actually I think there's one step before finding out if the guy wants to marry her and its taking into consideration the parents' stance on marriage.

If more "kids" who so often "fall in love" were to take their own parents seriously, there would be alot less heartache for those who date but then end relationships and break hearts because they couldn't convince their parents.

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Re: need serious advice

*

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Re: need serious advice

But I don't think it's so black and white. I don't think we have such complete control over our feelings. We're human. You interact with the opposite gender in school...in various social settings...and what starts as a friendship and what you may at first have thought would ONLY be a friendship...can become something more.

And in some conservative families...parents don't discuss or bring up the topic of marriage and THEIR expectations early on....and then suddenly bring it up at a later point...when so much as already happened.

Then there's the issue of the possibility that the parents might "budge" and give in even if they're not overly fond of the children's choice. I've seen that happen too.

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Re: need serious advice

If you dont mind then can i ask how did your met the guy..just wondering if you are in usa and he in pakistan then how did you met him

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Re: need serious advice

by playing retard in front of any other parents coming to your place to see you? :konfused:

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Re: need serious advice

@princess 20 he is the brother of my bestfriend of 7 years.

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Re: need serious advice

@ sara516 i like u r advice as, far as the guy is concern he is serious , but he says that i dont want to talk to parent untill i finish my degree so ur parents would have no reason to refuse this rishta

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Re: need serious advice

^Sara has given the best advice here.

you should know if your parents are the type and if your family is the kind where they wouldn't disapprove of the idea of a love marriage. next make sure the guy too wants to marry you. Thirdly you have to keep this in consideration that he's still studying - and it would take some time for him to settle with a decent job.

after you have thought over these points , it's best to confide in to your mother and see how things roll later IA!

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Re: need serious advice

How long time does he wants you to wait?

I mean if he is that serious, a talk among your parents could take place..

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Re: need serious advice

njgirl

please please first of all you need to find out (and determine) if you want to marry him, also more importantly does he want to marry you, and will he indeed marry you

and plz dont tell me its just some internet love :@

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Re: need serious advice

is this feeling mutual or is it only in your head?

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Re: need serious advice

Boy lives in Pakistan , where do you live ?
Have you met him and interacted with him in person ?
I cannot give any advice without knowing this.

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Re: need serious advice

From what I've seen, most conservative parents make it clear that they will choose their child's spouse or be open to a love marriage, especially parents who are already looking for rishtas for their kids..it just doesn't make sense to NEVER let on what they want and hit the roof when something happens.

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Re: need serious advice

njgirl = > new jersey girl :@:

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Re: need serious advice

i am from newjersey ..... @Mirch this is not a internet love i have seen him in person one years ago at my bestfriend wedding i went to pakistan , we got to know each other and since then we talk almost everyday on phone.

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Re: need serious advice

why do you like to talk him every other day?

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Re: need serious advice

errr, mirch bhai, she lives in New jersery . "njgirl" - get it