I am the kind of person who either isnt bothered enough to care or bothered enough to try to find out more.
I always wonder if I am carrying the wrong impression and maybe there is a good reason or will this affect me down the road, e.g. will I always be wondering why so and so did what they did??
If you are going to ponder this later, its better to get things cleared up now.
I just want to add that no one is born with an instruction manual on life. So just because you know etiquettes etc..it doesnt mean every other man (yep, i remembered you were a guy!) also does the same thing.
My own hubby sounds like your distant cousin. He never phones on his own cousins engagements or wedding and would be the type of guy to not go to a wedding out of sheer procrastination AND he wouldnt think to call if not attending the wedding.
I dont think he is a bad guy, I realize this is part of his nature and something he does not see as an issue that needs addressing. I am the one that has to call on his behalf and then hand the phone to him.
Just two weeks ago, my khala passed away and he did not even call my mother to offer condolences. I had to call and then told him to talk to my mother, otherwise he would never had thought to call. Not all men are aware of their duties or responsibilities and its not because they are mean or spiteful.
^ It's true WH.....that it doesn't mean that a man is mean or spiteful if he doesn't make courtesy calls or condolences. And don't get the wrong idea, I'm not judging at all. I've seen women (who tend to more aware of social etiquette in general) not pay attention to courtesy calls either.
I've even seen friends who when informed of a family death........say NOTHING at all. No condolences, nothing. And some people are okay with their friends and family not making courtesy calls. And others like myself....find it comforting.
I know that we've all made social faux pas.....I know I have many times. But some things such as courtesy calls are "sunnah". And if one ignores them too many times......then one risks offending many people and possibly hurting relationships and creating tense vibes between family and friends. I know that sometimes people can (including myself) fail to make courtesy calls out of shyness, even. But doing it often enoug can cause people to make wrong assumptions about you.
Please don't think that I'm trying to offend you in any way. That's not my intention at all. I acknowledge that your point is valid in that it doesn't necessarily determine that one's character is negative. I'm just looking at it from another view. :)
^ It's true WH.....that it doesn't mean that a man is mean or spiteful if he doesn't make courtesy calls or condolences. And don't get the wrong idea, I'm not judging at all. I've seen women (who tend to more aware of social etiquette in general) not pay attention to courtesy calls either.
I've even seen friends who when informed of a family death........say NOTHING at all. No condolences, nothing. And some people are okay with their friends and family not making courtesy calls. And others like myself....find it comforting.
I know that we've all made social faux pas.....I know I have many times. But some things such as courtesy calls are "sunnah". And if one ignores them too many times......then one risks offending many people and possibly hurting relationships and creating tense vibes between family and friends. I know that sometimes people can (including myself) fail to make courtesy calls out of shyness, even. But doing it often enoug can cause people to make wrong assumptions about you.
Please don't think that I'm trying to offend you in any way. That's not my intention at all. I acknowledge that your point is valid in that it doesn't necessarily determine that one's character is negative. I'm just looking at it from another view. :)
I totally agree with you red about it being sunnah and even from a non religious standpoint, its called courtesy and manners. Though I dont condone my hubbys behavior and would prefer he was more like fallenpieta in realizing that there are certain responsibilities to family, even for men, I also have to realize that all humans are fallible to weaknesses and my hubbys weakness is the lack of realization and sense to do the 'right thing'. I hate that he does this but knowing that there is one in my home, I realize that there are probably others out there too.
I was merely trying to say that not all men or women understand that one should attend a wedding, or give a wedding card personally or call if not attending a wedding, even if it is the preferable thing to do. We have to give a little leeway and Islamically we are supposed to find an excuse for the other persons weaknesses instead of being angry at them.
Ok dont get mad, but maybe just maybe he liked your sister and thats why he didnt want to come to the wedding... I mean thats not something he could tell you! He had no excuse to make and just said he's coming but when the day came around he couldnt find it in himself to go?
You are too kind. I am not really a nice guy and in fact I hate just about everyone except immediate relatives and keep everyone else at distant. His sudden refusal to attend did hurt my ego and pride (although I am not an arrogant man) but I feel that his actions also brought some amount of discomfort to my parents my young sister. She had meticulously prepared for every facet of the wedding detail, down to the last pregnant aunty. Although his absence did not create a havoc in the least bit, it did present my sister with some minute amount of distress. I treat my friends and even their friends with great care, courtesy, and compassion. And I except the same in return.
If he does not know the difference between right and wrong, cultural ethos, social and ethical responsibilities then how will he be able to carry out agreements of marriage?
I totally understand your POV. When you make an effort and invite someone, not because they are supposed to be on your guestlist, but because you really want then to join you and share your happy moments, it is very disappointing when that person does not come for whatever reason. And I can also understand that your sister had planned everything to the smallest detail and this person also hurt her or messed up her planning.
I would feel the same.
See there are two things: his inappropriate behavior of not coming to your sister´s wedding and him not sending you a proper invitation... I´d say... don´t go... Kya zaroorat he aise jaane ki? If he really wants you to come, he should have given you a proper invitation... Apne mehmaan ko izzat se bulana chahiye.
Ok dont get mad, but maybe just maybe he liked your sister and thats why he didnt want to come to the wedding... I mean thats not something he could tell you! He had no excuse to make and just said he's coming but when the day came around he couldnt find it in himself to go?
I know this is a late response but I've been a bit busy with work. That being said, I doubt that's the case since he never saw my sister. Up until the time of a friend's wedding I didn't know he was my cousin.