Two years ago I met a distant cousin for the first time while I was at a wedding. So we spoke for quite a bit and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. I invited him to my sister’s wedding, which was to take place that same year only a few months after the time I met him. He promised to attend but at the last minute started making excuses about not being able to attend. Now he is getting married and wants me to attend but instead of calling me directly he asked someone else to deliver the message. Should I go? I don’t think so. First: He made excuses so to get out of making a trip to NY, second: he didn’t even call after my sister’s wedding to ask how the event was, and third: he knew he was guilty otherwise he would not have had his marriage message delivered to me second hand. I told the person who conveyed the message that he should call me directly if he wants me to join his wedding party. No call as of yet. What do you think?
Re: Need quick advice
Biryani says : Dont go ! 
Re: Need quick advice
You should indeed go.
Re: Need quick advice
go for the biryani , dunt meet him and come back … atleast in future he ll understnad that everyone aint like me . ppl do come when an ivitation is sent even 2nd hand unlike him.. which will make him realise his mistake.
hes your distantt cousin.. hes distant.and u know family is everything… if you want him to distant him even more then dont go .. but if you think that you doing your part will make things good and show ur side that there is something clled family even though itss distant
Re: Need quick advice
You said you were invited through someoen delivering a message. Does this mean no card? If it was me, I certainly would NOT go if I hadn't received an invite card, or if I had not received a direct phonecall from the groom / bride.
no i dont think u shud go,,,
Liking someone who then goes on to getting married to someone else is no biggie. This happens a lot in life. Its not as if you were dating or thinking of marrying so though I understand that you may have had some feelings for him, its not enough to warrant to not want to go to his wedding.
So the question you need to ask yourself is why are you upset?
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Is it because he invited you through another person?
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Is it because you thought that the two of you had begun to develop an understanding and that perhaps you werent given a chance?
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Is it because he didnt attend your sisters wedding?
If its 1) then rest assured that men inviting people through other people is quite common. My hubby did not even go around handing his own wedding cards out. He just gave them to a friend and said “Invite any friends you think should come”
If its 2) So you guys had an understanding and nothing came of it. That happens. I am sure everyone can say they had a crush or a thing for someone but things never went further. And it is also possible that he was being an obedient son just marrying whomever his parents decided for him, even if he liked you. You have not mentioned anything about dating, or hooking up etc..so I am assuming this friendship was not deep or extensive so its not really a case of heartbreak.
If its 3) He didnt attend your sisters wedding and made excuses…two things come to mind. Either he really did have genuine reasons or he liked you and maybe this rista stuff was going on at that time so he felt awkward seeing you again in the midst of all this and the only way to avoid you was to avoid the wedding.
Give the guy a break and give yourself one too. The only definitive way to clear this up is to talk to the guy directly about your concerns etc. And you are waiting for a call??
(Hands up all the women in here whose men have said they will call …but they always forget to??
)
If your family is going to the wedding, you should go as it would look odd you not being there. If you are the only one in your family going and you will feel uncomfortable, dont go.
Either way, dont sweat the small stuff and enjoy life, its the only one you have so make the most of it.
Re: Need quick advice
never mind the invitation card, but if he doesn't even have the curteousy to call you and invite to his own wedding, then you shouldn't go. I mean how long does it take to make a phone call?
Re: Need quick advice
- I wonder why he did not invite you directly when he wants you to be there..... Some strings are missing ...lolz .... I think kay messenger mazay lay rahay hay ... hahaha
- You should call him and ask him if he sent any message thr some other person to you... if he says yes .... then tell him all you have in ur mind .... I mean burus paro ... aur syb kuch pucho jo tumharay zehan may hay ....
Re: Need quick advice
When you didn't get what you want from this friendship/cousin relationship, your mind started to do its magic on you... We will never know the reason as to why he didn't attend your sister's wedding.. But just calm down a bit and think for few minutes.
maybe he wanted to avoid someone at the wedding and decided not to show up and deflect the whole drama.. cause obviously he can't tell you or your family not to invite certain person just because he got some issues with them..
Maybe he didn't come due to a bad skin, maybe he was sick ... sad & depressed that day? And when you tried talking to him to see the reason him being not there, his excuses were lame because he didn't want you to show is weak side of him...
I think you must go to his wedding, go up to him and congratulate him.. that's what I would do... and I tell you why he asked someone else to invite you to his wedding, because you gave him a cold shoulder after that unfortunate circumstance which made him even more hesitant.. but deep down his heart, he really wants you to come.. so my advice, you should go with a bright smile on your face.. simple as that!
Whats so funny Sara??
Re: Need quick advice
i’ll say a big NO 
Ya, 
Ya, :bailan Cuz he is dual face 
Whats so funny Sara??
Sorry sorry im not laughing at you actually You gave very very very excellent advice.
Except for the fact the thread starter is a man.
Sorry sorry im not laughing at you actually You gave very very very excellent advice.
Except for the fact the thread starter is a man.
lol
Sorry sorry im not laughing at you actually You gave very very very excellent advice.
Except for the fact the thread starter is a man.
Two years ago I met a distant cousin for the first time while I was at a wedding. So we spoke for quite a bit and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. I invited him to my sister's wedding, which was to take place that same year only a few months after the time I met him. He promised to attend but at the last minute started making excuses about not being able to attend. Now he is getting married and wants me to attend but instead of calling me directly he asked someone else to deliver the message. Should I go?
A lot of S's missing then..or maybe the original poster doesnt realize that they are a man?
Re: Need quick advice
dont go
Two years ago I met a distant cousin for the first time while I was at a wedding. So we spoke for quite a bit and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. I invited him to my sister's wedding, which was to take place that same year only a few months after the time I met him. He promised to attend but at the last minute started making excuses about not being able to attend. Now he is getting married and wants me to attend but instead of calling me directly he asked someone else to deliver the message. Should I go?
A lot of S's missing then..or maybe the original poster doesnt realize that they are a man?
LOL.. u are so right and Im with ya.. even I thought the OP (original poster) is a girl..
FP,
You never know what reason may have prevented him from attending your sister's wedding. As someone mentioned above, perhaps it was because he didn't want to face a particular relative, perhaps he had a health problem, perhaps he had financial issues, we just don't know.
HOWEVER......even though he couldn't attend your sister's wedding, there's no excuse for not calling you up later and congratulating you and asking how the wedding went. That's common courtesy. If my parents can't attend a special family event, they will call out of courtesy to ask about it later. There's just no excuse for not making a 5 minute call.
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Indirect Invitation*.....Perhaps as a guy, he's clueless about such things. A wedding requires so much planning. Maybe he was so busy with the wedding plans that he delegated some duties to people who could help him out with wedding plans. And one of those people could be a messenger to deliver invitations. There is a possibility that you weren't the only person to receive an indirect invitations. Perhaps others have as well. the other possibility is, like you said, that he feels to guilty to call you.
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My suggestion:** There are some missing pieces of information. I think you should do as someone suggest above. Call him and NICELY *tell him *"I received a wedding invitation from a messenger and I wanted to confirm if this invitation is indeed yours since usually these things are done directly." And then listen to what he has to say about the messenger. And then be honest with him and communicate how you feel. Sometimes people need to be reminded of their mistakes (accidental or otherwise) so that they don't make the same mistakes with other people in the future. NICELY tell him "We missed you at my sister's wedding. It would have been nice if you could have come but I understand if there was some obstacles. But to be honest, I found it surprising that you did not call to ask how the wedding went. Perhaps you were too busy." Calmly listen to what he has to say.
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What do do....After listening to his explanations. You have two options **1) go to his wedding or 2) don't go to his wedding. If you decide not to go to his wedding, then at least call him up to say congratulations or send a congratulatory greeting card. But either way, have the ^above conversation with him because it will hopefully get him to reflect on his careless/tactless behavior and he'll be more careful with others in the future.