Okay, suppose u’re fiance is EXTREMELY possesive and just can’t tolerate ANY of u’re male friends.. he has an issue with u wearing sleeveless, low backs and a lot more.
U’re out with u’re friends (male) and they complain abt how much u’ve changed etc, and u let u’re friend use u’re fone to txt u’re fiance and he writes sumthing on the lines of “Hi this is ____ a friend of ___ just wanted to say that please allow her to be herself and dont stop her from things before marriage” Is it terribly wrong..?
first of all if someone loves you he/ she will not want to change you, some say that if a person loves someone else too much like wayyy to much then he/she gets possesive. i guess this is the case here?
well u can look at it from two sides:
1. u change for him, not totally but if u know he dont like certain things like short sleevs low baks u dont wear them anymore. compromise.
this bit shud not be a prob to your frnds. its actually not their business, but just between u and ur fiance/ the one u love.
2. u dont change anything, u keep doing what he doesnt want and go out with ur male friends wearing what he doesnt like. problems will then get worse (God forbid!) and the relationship can become unsecure.
3. if your friends are your real friends and want your happiness they will take a step back and let u and your fiance sort things out and not stick their noses in by which they might create (more) problems.
oh yeah does ur fiance go out as well when u go out with your male frnds?
I think talking to him in person about his possessiveness will be more fruitful...
friends usually do/say whats best for THEM...i bet if one of them gets engaged and alters their habits/lifestyle to accommodate THEIR relationship...you will understand...
but i agree...extreme possessiveness leads to more problems in the future...all my male friends have distanced themselves from me..as I had encouraged it..and its natural...for me..its all about hi/hello..not 'yar...oye...' anymore...i want to be respected by my husband AND my male friends....so yes....when you are engaged/married...you have to be very careful as to where to draw the line..with both parties! :)
Maybe your fiance is not possessive, maybe he just has a different mindset. he is probably more conservative in nature. If my fiance hung out with male friend and wore low back clothing, I would probably do the same as your fiance. It doesn't mean that he is possessive. And yes relationships and marriages is all about compromise, you might have to give up the way you dress and stop hanging out with your friends. I know it sounds harsh to you now, but its all part of relationships.
Okay, suppose u're fiance is EXTREMELY possesive and just can't tolerate ANY of u're male friends.. he has an issue with u wearing sleeveless, low backs and a lot more.
U're out with u're friends (male) and they complain abt how much u've changed etc, and u let u're friend use u're fone to txt u're fiance and he writes sumthing on the lines of "Hi this is ____ a friend of ___ just wanted to say that please allow her to be herself and dont stop her from things before marriage" Is it terribly wrong..?
This thing is not going in the right direction. Seriously. I think you'll end up with bigger problems than male friends, sleeveless and low backs. :)
Highly immature... on ur part and ur friends.. why would u even let ur friends text your fiance saying that?
If he has issues with you wearing low backs, talk to him about it not ur friends... if ur male friends are a concern, then discuss why they are.
He's not trying to change you... well maybe a lil... it may be for the better.. who knows?
Whoever said that if he really loves you, he wont try to change u... thats just silly. Sometimes, we want our loved ones to change cus we see the potential in them to be a lot better than what they think they are... I certainly needed the push from my hubby... and its worked wonders... and I know for a fact my hubby loves me heaps and heaps and thats the reason why he would say some stuff.. even though at the time I get furious but it does make sense most of the time..
go talk to ur fiance... not ur male friends. Ofcourse they'd want u to wear low-backs (im sure ur hubby would too.. but just for him to look at)
I don;t think its ok for your friends to have sent that text msg. That is something between the two of you. The possessive sort that he is I wouldn;t be surprised if he got even more bothered over ur male friends. Plus ur friends' issues shouldn;t be of importance here, if these things are an issue for you talk to the fiance directly, your friends have no business telling you or him how either one of you should behave. What kind of a message are they sending anyway? please don;t stop her from doign things before marriage. Essentially they are telling him that he doesn't have a right over u yet, impose all the restrictions after he marries you. Doesn;t sound good at all.
but not accepting u hanging out with ur male friends "alone" and asking u not to wear low-backs, i dont think are a sign of extreme possessiveness... how so?
U're out with u're friends (male) and they complain abt how much u've changed etc, and u let u're friend use u're fone to txt u're fiance and he writes sumthing on the lines of "Hi this is ____ a friend of ___ just wanted to say that please allow her to be herself and dont stop her from things before marriage" Is it terribly wrong..?
This is a very bad idea. You are telling your fiance that your male friends knows more about you and he has more right over you than him ...
its a direct challenge to his position that he has in your life ..
Not a good idea at all. He doesn't like them as it is, them sending a message of that sort is just going to infuriate him more. Imagine yourself in his position, would you like it if your fiance was surrounded by girls/hung out with them alone/ wore something that made him more attractive to those girls?
Chanda is right, there are certain limits imposed after engagement/marriage and this is one of them.
I am with your fiance on this..if he doesn't like you wearing sleeveless, low-backs or having male friends or whatever, then you shouldn't. He isn't asking for something outrageous.
and plus, you have to figure out who's more important, your male friends or your husband-to-be!
Gina, like others have said, its a very very bad idea to let friends use your phone to text him. Some things are better kept between a couple so talk to your fiance first. Like someone said, if your friends change after getting married, you will deem it normal. I know i have changed quite a bit but everytime my husband asks me to do something and iw ant to defy him, i ask myself, is he right in doing so? And most of the time he is right . An example is wearing an abaya. he asked me to wear it and at first i hesitated but then i realised he is not being opressive, he wants me to follow the appropriate islamic dress code.
Allah come’s before your fiance’ . Sleeveless and low back are not part of our religion and culture anyways. You posted this in a Pakistani forum so I am assuming you are a Muslim and a Pakistani.
It is not his possessiveness , he is on the right path and wants to bring you to that right path too. It is all for your own good. Your male friends should not have so much say in your life that they are trying to straighten out your fiance’.
and then its ur life u ahve aright to live how uwant to live and if u feel like giving up and changing sumthing urself its good but if ur quitting just because he doesnt liek it isnt good at all
and then u asked ur fried to text ur fiance??? its just so childish
its ur problem its between u 2 so y u need sum other person to solve ur problems?? its like asking ur brother to call the loafer guy and say “dont call my sister again, if u do i will break ur legs” u know wat i mean??
Gina, the question you have to ask yourself is how you would feel if he hung around with his female friends at this point in your relationship?
Regarding change, no matter how we like it, we all change with time, for ourselves and for others because we do not live in this world alone. We change for our boss, our parents and even our children so why the hesitation to change for someone we are planning to spend our life with. And all change isn't bad.
I'm sorry but that's really messed up. That's an issue between you and him, why drag others into it... especially people who are already part of the problem....
The text is just so wrong on so many levels... the poor guy is gonna think you go and complain about him to your friends. Whose more important to you? Your friends or your fiance?
Besides, I don't think he's asking you for too much. As your fiance and as someone who loves you, I don't think what he's asking for is unreasonable.
I totally Agree. :k:
As Niksik also mentioned, how would you feel if tables were turned…would you like getting a text from your fiance’s female friend to knock it off.Personally if it were me , I would have asked whoever it as to **** off.(why is it anybody’s business)
You need to negotiate and renegotiate with your souse to be and set boundaries and so should he.Marriage is not a joke. Please PICK YOUR BATTLES as not EVERY Battle is worth fighting.There may be so many other things that you like about each other.Good luck
