Hi guys, I have been lurking around GS forums for a very long time. I’m hoping to get some feedback about a recent rishta proposal and the events that have followed. I want to see what you guys think. Sorry this will be a long post!
My BIL’s friend has a sister. She is pretty and attractive. She is 20 and I’m 26. We live far away in US from each other. She is pursuing bachelor’s degree and plan to graduate in next two years. I’m doing part-time masters while working full time. My degree program is flexible. I plan to graduate next year.
My family sent them a wedding proposal on my behalf. The initial conversations between our parents started about 7 months ago. Their grandfather was having health issues at that time and he later passed away. There was a break in communication for about a month during that period. After that, conversations started again and the “screening process” finished. Me and the girl exchanged numbers and we begin talking via FaceTime. I liked her personality and think that we are compatible. At that time I and my parents did istikhara but we couldn’t see anything. We asked our local imam to do the istikhara for us. He said that he saw me in his dream in the mosque and asked where the girl is by her name? His interpretation of dream was very positive. We also have another sheikh who did the istikhara which also yielded positive results.
About four months ago, I and my parents decided to pay them a visit to take things further. We flew to their hometown and they were very welcoming. We stayed overnight in uncle’s brother house and left next morning. They mentioned that if things proceed further, they are willing to wed her daughter next year. After the visit I continued my conversation with the girl. We were talking almost twice a week (2+ hrs each time). We have had good understanding and chemistry. Her sister who lives overseas reached out to me and talked to me. Everything was going good.
We invited them to visit us before we left. They (girl and parents) visited us about a month ago. They were happy and praised me and my family. Both of our families had great time during their stay. Before leaving they said that they wanted to do istikhara and see the outcome and will let us know. We didn’t hear a response back from them for two weeks. My parents reached out and asked them and they told us that they couldn’t see any signs in the dream and will keep trying. They also told us that all family members are doing istikhara. We talked to them after a week and they still couldn’t see any signs in the istikhara. We told them about our istikhara experience, and her mom commented that maybe it’s good for only guy’s side and not for both sides. This comment seemed odd to me.
I and girl briefly talked on text during this period about random stuff. I didn’t say anything to her in regards to istikhara. I wanted the communication to follow through proper channels. I did istikhara myself and saw her in a white wedding dress during my dream. This was on the night of Shab-e-barat. I had the dream interpreted by the sheikh and he mentioned that it is a great sign and commented that “she is yours”. I had been praying that Allah grant me the spouse who will be best for me here and thereafter (not necessarily asking Allah for her to be my wife in the prayer).
Fast forward to this week, they called us few days ago and told us that they were not able to see any sign in the istikhara. They further said that this is a great proposal but they are a bit hesitant to proceed further if they can’t see a sign from Allah. We mentioned that one may not be able to see the signs during istikhara and should proceed if they have good feeling in their heart. They said that although they have good feeling and everything seems right, they just want to see a sign. They asked us for another week to see if they can do the istikhara one more time.
They called few days ago and told us that they were unable to see any signs and it is difficult for them to make a decision. They mentioned that they would like to wait for 6 months and try again. Right now they can’t proceed any further and don’t want us our time to be wasted. It has been 7 months since our first contact; I feel that we have been led on. I feel disappointed that my time was wasted and I was starting to develop feelings for her. Her dad was genuinely impressed with me, we have similar occupations. She was communicating with me even after her visit. The other thing is that they have emigrated from Pakistan few years ago. I can tell that money is tight for them when I visited their home. If I were in their shoes, I would not have flown and visited a potential rishta with my wife and daughter if I was not seriously interested. I’m not sure what is going on in their minds. In prior conversations, they said that they rejected a rishta for their elder sister but then accepted the same guy next year. We didn’t go in details.
Maybe they are worried about her education or they have another rishta and are stringing me along. Their responsiveness during communication has always been slow. I can’t tell if it is intentional or it’s just the way they are. I’m baffled and conflicted. I feel sad and really thought she was the one. She was always happy to talk to me. I saw very positive results from the istikhara and was confident that this rishta will happen. Do you guys think it is good idea to persuade them any further or should I move on? I’m back to the beginning.
Do they not know how an istikhara works? Or they are just using it as an excuse? Just reading this scenario was making me super annoyed at them. If you really want to marry this girl then wait and see? Otherwise there isn’t really much you can do.
