Just wanted to update you guys with whats happening.......
Well I talked to my dad and he was in denial like theres nothing wrong and I dont blame him for that because he wants me to get married...... but well I talked and in the end he said why dont I give you a couple of days so you can think about it and talk to your husband and see if things can work out, so I said ok!
So Im gona do istakhara and see what happens.... If its something good Ill definetely work on things and try ta get everything and everyone on the right track, but If it isn't so good Ill have to talk to my husband and tell my dad to end all this!
what do you guys think? am I doing the right thing?
See now? You were worried that your father would completely shut you down. He had some initial misgivings but it sounds like he was willing to listen because you patiently kept at him.
That, Alhamdullillah, is progress.
So I guess next is the talk with the husband, yes? The only thing I can suggest is explain honestly how you feel about this layna/dayna stuff, that you would prefer a separate household (if that's what you would like - and like a lot of people who posted here, I think that's probably best), and whatever else that's been bugging you. Start out sweetly and let him know that you really care about him and his family, that you're looking forward to a peaceful and happy life with him, but....
And that's where you calmly tell him your concerns.
After that, you have to observe his reaction. And then you make a decision.
Off to the prayer rug with you! You have some istikharas to do.
well my suggestion is... you may change your husband for a day or two.. bt end of the day he is his mothers son... and his habits are no different then his family.. so if you try "changing" him.. his parents will kick in saying.. "tum tou larki ke nichey lag gai ho"..
i would still say... do istekhara... then do mashaura with a mufti/maulana who can guide you better islamiclly too.. and end of the day.. pray to Allah that he forgives you.. coz after all hes the only who can read your heart.. somtimes we make decisions which are tough nd hard, which the society will hate you for.. but its the greater good..
if you dont have sweet spot for ur husband right now.. ull have much tougher time when u actually live with him.. which means mental torcher etc.. lol
sorry for scaring you.. bt its reality.. if you expect him to change due to your talk.. then ur dreaming... coz hes greedy like his family.. he might change little, but his parents and bro/sis will kick in later.. and then ur in worse position.. coz he will feel that ur tryin to pull him away from his parents.. then u will have greed and suspecting husband!
your real concern should be... will me any my family be happy after marriage??? but do your homework before taking any decision...
I'm going to repeat the question that I asked before:
What sort of pressure has been placed on rabia (your sister-in-law) and her family after the wedding, this may be an indication how they'll behave with you? Have they made any additional demands on her?
(You mentioned your mother in law said rabia and her family bought alot of stuff for them as well)
I dont know what they've demaded from rabia..... but my MIL was like yea rabia's family gave me a diamond set...... dudeeeee wtf! I mean rabia's family is pretty well set and they can afford all that.... Alhumdullilah we cant thank Allah enough for how much He has provided us with but thats just ridiculous.... and rabias family likes sucking up.....! I am having a mulana do isthakhara for me and i'll do it as well....
Besides that Im gona talk to my husband in a lil while so wish me the best n ill keep you guys updated.....
Think its time to have a serious talk with your family. If the situation is like this right now, imagine it a few years from you. Are you ready to be this sacrificial lamb??
What your hubby and family are doing is OUTRAGEOUS...its downright WRONG. and I understand that you are doing this for your family and for the love of your father in particular, but wont it hurt him a million times more if you are sad for the rest of your life????
Be brave and talk to him!! Its better to leave now then go through torture for a very long time.
Yes, do an istakhara....pray Nafal Dui Hajat......ask for the best........
My two cents: WALK AWAY!!! If she is comparing u now before shaadi then im pretty sure for eid and bakra-eids and at any event in the future to come, they will want the moons and stars and they will always always always compare u to that rabia girl. Its going to make ur life hell. I think ur husband for the sake of getting married and not have people gossip might agree to what u might want butafter shaadi this whole laina daina thing will start off with a bang (worse than before). Ur dad seems to be on ur side and greed only grows stronger and so will their demands. So run FAR FAR AWAY from these lalchi people. And ur husband who already wants a LV wallet and R&R jeans might want a car later on. IM sorry but he has no sharam whatsoever.. so as hard as it is right now to end it.. it will only get harder to end it with time. A person can take so much and u can never ever satisfy a greedy person... they always always have room for something they want.
wow...in this age and day people can be that demanding? ahahah I thought giving $ 1000 was too much for my fiance's suit and sherwani ahahahaah.. that too they didn't ask my dad's budget ahahaha... but man.. please do istakhara!!! and a serious talk is needed.. the guy should understand your side... if Rabia has given her a diamond set.. tell your MIL to ask for another one :P
Hey guys.......... Well its been a while and just wanted to let you guys know that I ended up getting a divorce! Im really happy that I did, I did have to go through alottttttttttttttttttttt of problems but did it! Its been 7 months now and things have been settling down! Thank you sooooooo much to everyone who supported me! Now I just have to wait and see what Allah mian has in store for me! Life is sooooo unpredictable and scary, im realllyyyyy happy that I didnt get married to that guy! After it was over him and his family accused me of soooo many bad things like I drink alcohol and go clubbing every weekend when thats just ridiculous I never touched alcohol in my life and never saw the inside of a club! well i still wish em well and i just gotta do what i gotta do! Once again thanks guys!!!!!!
Hey guys.......... Well its been a while and just wanted to let you guys know that I ended up getting a divorce! Im really happy that I did, I did have to go through alottttttttttttttttttttt of problems but did it! Its been 7 months now and things have been settling down! Thank you sooooooo much to everyone who supported me! Now I just have to wait and see what Allah mian has in store for me! Life is sooooo unpredictable and scary, im realllyyyyy happy that I didnt get married to that guy! After it was over him and his family accused me of soooo many bad things like I drink alcohol and go clubbing every weekend when thats just ridiculous I never touched alcohol in my life and never saw the inside of a club! well i still wish em well and i just gotta do what i gotta do! Once again thanks guys!!!!!!
You always have your Guppians here for you if ever needed! :)
Good for you honey. I'm very sorry that this happened to you. And it sucks that they can't let it go and are making up stuff about you. I know you won't 'cause you seem like a class act, but don't ever be tempted to stoop to their level. Don't retaliate. Stay above it, stay classy. Keep yourself busy with work, school, hobbies, friends, etc. Say your prayers, read the Quran and have faith in Allah. He already helped you out of a bad situation...Inshallah, he'll help you find your way to a good one soon.
I'm SOOOOO happy to hear that you got rid of that scumbag family. The vicious lies they spread about you afterwards just proves what kind of people they were. Imagine if you had lived with a family like that, what kind of life you would have had! They would have kept asking for stuff and spreading lies about you! InshaAllah I'm sure you have amazing things in store for you in the future, just concentrate on your studies/career for now and build an amazing future for yourself. Everything else will fall into place InshaAllah :D!