Re: need advise…cant decide abt shadi:(
Hai Allah , maanay Love ke kiyaa baat ker dee . . . saray meray pechay her pur gaya 
auntiyoon ke terha haat hila hila ka baat karaying
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
thankyou guys for ur supprt..really needed that..you all are so caring..i am really thankful to Allah that people like u are there who really think about others.
...to answer some of ur questions
my fiance did ask for my forgiveness for cheating and he stopped talking to that girl..i know that..and that girl too knew that he is engaged with me still she went on with him..i dont know how girls can do that...he cried and everything..and said it was a mistake...he ended with her infront of me called her and everything..he didnt really luv her..but i know it was wrong of him
my father didnt know about this incident but my whole family did..they said u shud decide..but i knew my mom wont be happy if i break it..and secondly i didnt hav the courage to leave him coz i luved him so much..still do :( tht the sad part...and i knew though he hurts me but he luvs me...
someone asked did u forgive him by heart...no i didnt..how can one...its not possible..coz the things she told me still haunt my mind and tear my heart...i cant forgive him...
why did i gave him a second chance...coz i luv him...why do i luv him..i dont know...i luv him so much...still do...ad he also luvs me..but he just hurts me..never puts an effort to make me happy..i accept sometimes i do stupid things like bring up that girl topic..when we fight..etc...insist on that he gives me attention...but he doesnt..
i am going to talk to my mom tomm...coz i have cried so much for this guy that i just have had enough...though i luv him..but luv is not the answer to every questio :(
it will break me to leave him..i will be in pieces..:(..i cant even imagine living widout him..but maybe its what Allah wants...:(
i have been engaged 4 more than two years..the guy is a cousin of mine who propose himself and said that he is in luv... i told my parents to decide..as i had no feelings at that time..my family were happy about the rishta and therefore i got engaged...with time i started to fall in luv with him...ad now i am totally in luv with him...the prob started after one year..we started having fights..he started ignoring me..i came to know that he was having an affair..for past 4 months with a girl at his uni.the girl herself told me.he even proposed her and told her that he will break the engagement.i confronted him and he accepted that he was involved with this girl but he said he was nt serious..he asked for forgiveness and i because i luved him too much forgave him and secondly i didnt want to hurt my parents by breaking the engagement. afterwards our relationship went on with some bumps..but its just that i never was happy again..hhe still sometimes ignores me..hurts me..sometimes he is really sweet too..but most of my time is spent cyring coz of him..but i luv him too much..i am getting married to him in march..ad i just have so many fears that what if he continues to hurt me..but honestly i cant leave him..coz i luv him so much..i feel like a looser...:(...i know he luvs me but he never tries to make me happy..
so girls/guys what should i do...i am just so cofused...i dont want to leave him..but the pain is always there of him being dishonest with me and coz of his cheating and his rude behaviour..but one thing i know he does luv me..but is luv everything :(..please advise (Sorry for the long post)
Without speculating:
1) He's your cousin. shudders
2) He admittedly had an affair with another woman, while still engaged to you.
3) By your own admission he "ignores" you, "hurts" you and "never tries to make [you] happy".
4) Ultimately: it's your life and your call, but you can pretty much tell what I'd do in this situation.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
namaan...what u said is the reason i gave him the second chance..even after he cheated on me...it was because of the LOVE...but how many chaces can one give?ap khud batao..koi kisi kai liye kitna kar sakta hai..u think its easy to accept a guy after he has cheated on u?its not easy...but i accpeted him..and i still luv him...but i am just tired of crying..i wish he wud understand how hurt i am..i wish he wud put an effort to make this work..but he is not..
thats why i hav decided to talk to my mom about it..
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Clearly your not over it and you yourself said you cant forgive him. You will carry on bringing up this girl for the rest of your life. Its normal. However he will soon have enuff and probly cheat again and maybe divorce you.
You can only go thru with it if you forgive him properly because the more you stress him out about it, Hes jus gonna go further away to some other girl.
I wud think long and hard about it... Love isnt everything... You'll get stronger and possibly meet someone much better.
No man is perfect, we have to train them like little puppies and after there trained they still need to be kept on a leash. If u love him and think he can change his bad habits then give him the benefit of the doubt maybe not brake ur engagement but postpone it until u think he is ready for marriage?
If u think uve seen enough and he hasn't tried to change his habits over the past year then chances are his not gonna change them after marriage if anything there probably get worse. love is a horrible feeling when it brakes ur heart but trust me its a more horrible feeling being in an unhappy marriage so think wisely
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Women are programmed to give cheating men a second chance. Nothing new. Lok at Hillary Clinton. And men know it too and hence we end up in these situations.
If I was a betting man, I would bet that she will marry him.
There is no guarantee that the next man in her life is not a cheater-to-be.
Long engagements aren't good for desis.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
I really really really think you should talk to your dad about it as well. Or atleast have your mother talk to your dad about it. He may be able to think more clearly about what is the right thing to do and what is the best thing for YOU. Your mom might be too emotional to think clearly about what is truly right in the long run. Your fiance is your family member...so your mom might be really worried about the family politics involved as well. Your father..... He is the head of your family and YOUR father. He deserves to know the truth of everything. Everyone should be in the know about this situation before any further big step is taken. Because atleast if something is to happen in the future if u do marry him...... atleast no one will say "why didn't you tell us?!?!" before. U don't your dad to be telling you that at anytime. It will hurt you even more so.
My advice is similar to those of others... I do not think luv is everything. There needs to be an understanding and compatibility.... trust ...and respect between a couple. These are MAJOR things missing in your relationship. And in my opinion... These holes will probably never be repaired due to how your fiance has been conducting himself.
I think he is a weak individual....... he knows right from wrong and yet he still cheated on a girl he was engaged to? Forget the other girl and the fact that she knew the situation. The thing u need to focus on is the fact that HE was the one that is engaged to you and HE was the one that chose to get into that relationship with the girl. Someone who had no problem doing this..... how can u believe that he will not be tempted to do the same in the future???? And even worse than tempted...but act on it????
You are obviously not satisfied in the relationship right now...and u are not even married. An unhappy marriage is even worse than an unhappy relationship. Right now atleast you are with your parents and that is a luv and protection that a girl takes for granted. It will be so much tougher for you to deal with these issues that have u have presented in this thread... once u are away from those that luv u and living with him.... the person that has brought so much sadness in your life.
So please..... have that heart to heart with your mom. But ALSO talk to your dad..... let them know EVERYTHING and let them know how you feel. .......
^Agree, PR
Tearsineyes,
There have been other girls on Gupshup who were in similar situations like you......where they were in a relationship with guys who frequently disrespected them. These girls were advised by many of us to develop some self-respect and LEAVE THE GUY.
Some of those girls were smart/practical and followed the advice that was given. They were able to start a new and much more peaceful chapter in their lives by leaving the guy. But there have been girls who were blinded by this unrealistic idea of "love" and preferred to listen to their heart...............they ended up getting married and SUFFERED even more. You can read their threads to get some insight.
Aqalmandi isi main hai k tum apnay parents ko sab kuch bata do......and try to save your future and stand up for yourself. I agree with Punjabi Rose that you should tell your FATHER about how your cousin cheated on you and how he continues to ignore you and disrespect you. Mothers tend to get very emotional, but your father..........being a male...........can understand how other guys such as your cousin think.
You're fortunate to have many sincere advisers who.......even though you're a complete stranger to them...........they're doing their best to give you advice that can help protect/save you and your family and future.
Aagay tumhari marzi. We can only advise you. The final decision is yours. You can either think like a mature and practical and strong WOMAN who respects herself. OR...............you can choose to think like a LITTLE GIRL who is blinded by unrealistic Bollywood ideas of love and risk destroying her future and giving her parents a LIFETIME of heartache and misery. Your choice.
thanks to all..i really am fortunate that people care so much for stranger like me..i am a very practical girl..working at a respective post and everything for past 8 years..but when it comes to relationship i am a total wreck...i am going to talk to ami...its just that i do fear what if i live miserable after breaking up..God its really tough..and the main prob is i luv him so much :(..how can i control that...still i am going to talk to ami..will discuss with her..coz i want to decide something..i just want to make the right decision...thankyou guys...u guys are really great.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
so ur going to chicken out becuase of 1 girl and let her win?..see we have certain people her on gs who love to post very dramatic posts..where they think they r advice is gods gift to young pakistani women nd upon hearing any trouble immediately tell her that the right and just thing she can do is to break it off and save herself from the big bad wolf guy..but they fail to understand that life is not so clear cut..n black n white..the audacity of such educated people to tell a confused pkstni distraught girl to make such a huge decision based on few of her posts is really appaling to me..
dear right now u r in no emotional shape to make any big decision right now..take ur time and think about what will happen tomorrow..will u able to take leaving him..?..what if all is not dandy if u do?..etc etc
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
It seems like you've already decided you're too 'weak' to leave him, and you're gonna regret. so please leave him, time heals everything and real love only happen when you spends your days and nights with someone
the main thing that bothers me about this whole situation is your view on what love is, tearsineyes....you keep saying that you KNOW he loves you, and what kept you in the situation is the love. It sounds to me like you need to work on yourself and your self-esteem...there are way too many girls who watch way too many bollywood movies and define their idea of love based on this stupid notion of a guy just SAYING he loves you.
RV already made this point, but him saying he loves you means nothing. Saying "I'm madly in love with you" or "I'd die for you" doesnt hold when the guy has cheated on you. I'm sorry, but no one who truly loves you would want to see you hurt, and therefore, wouldn't have cheated on you. this holds for any type of love....think about the love siblings have for each other, or the love parents have for children. They are willing to sacrifice things for themselves in order to see their loved ones happy. The same goes for a man who truly loves a woman. If he loved you, he would've ignored the feelings he had for this girl in college knowing that it would hurt you if he pursued it, but he instead ignored YOU and followed his own desires.
This is coming from a girl who's been in your position before....his actions showed that he didn't love me, but he was always saying that I was the love of his life, he complimented me and called me beautiful (and bc I didnt think much of myself, I needed to hear that) and I stayed much longer than I should have cause I was young and stupid. Now that I'm married to someone who really loves me, I know that other guy never really even cared about me.
You're in whats SUPPOSED to be the honeymoon phase....if its this bad now, I dont want to imagine what the marriage is like. Whatever you end up deciding, best of luck and inshaAllah I hope you're happy always.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Not being funny but if ur Mum already said to forgive him because he's her nephew what's the guarantee she won't say that even after marriage if/when he does it again??
No offence but ur Mum doesn't exactly seem v.objective, of course there's family loyalty but really she should be looking out for ur best interests.. My Mum would never forgive a guy who was seeing another girl, no matter if he was related whilst engaged to me, esp if he proposed to her, that's like a kick in the teeth.. He still ignores u sometimes even after treating u so badly so he obviously doesn't feel much remorse or he wouldn't ignore and would treat u with more respect. Sorry but I really do think things will get worse if u go ahead and marry him, he's seen once that he can get away with it and he's prob thinking in his head that whatever happens u will never leave him. If it were u who'd been seeing another guy and had had the nerve to propose to him he'd prob have dumped u in 5mins..
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
hi everyone, thanks for your replies...just wanted to say that i did get married to that person...and its been two years...i am over with what happenned...and did give him a second chance..and for the past two years i have never regretted marrying him..he has his flaws so do i...but one has to learn to compromise...my lesson from all this was give love a second chance...u never know if u leave the person u love who u are going to find next..he maybe worse than what u have right now..
Re: need advise…cant decide abt shadi:(
^ Congrats… I am glad it turned out to be all good for you 
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
congrats! great to hear ! :) good luck!
Re: need advise…cant decide abt shadi:(
Thanks for listening to ME .
Bow down life 1 advisers to his excellency Mr. NaMaan 
Re: need advise…cant decide abt shadi:(
I had a sneaky feeling you’d be here…lol
To the OP - we’re all extremely happy for you!!!
Re: need advise…cant decide abt shadi:(
Tearsineyes: congratz